The Pause I Keep Forgetting

There are some days where you just need to stop.

And breathe.

Just one breath and then another. No matter what is going on, there is always a moment to just stop, and breathe.

I forget this. Often. I get carried away in my head and my thoughts and forget that I can stop it all and just breathe. That little pause is sometimes all that I need to regroup. Refocus. Come back to me.

I wish I could remember it more often. And more quickly. It's just one little breath and yet it can make all the difference.

I suppose it is just a matter of practice. The more I stop and breathe... the more I will remember to do it. But my system is really much better at tearing off trying to fix this, solve this, complete this, do this... Stopping to breathe seems rather counterproductive. Nothing gets done if one is doing nothing!! And breathing, to my mind, is most definitely "nothing". I mean, yes... breathing keeps us all alive but... other than that... nothing really gets accomplished when you breathe. Errands don't get done. Emails don't get written. Stuff just doesn't get done!

And yet, what am I slowly being remind of is this... sometimes you need to stop in order to get things done. When I am swept up in an efficiency, productivity tear... I can be like one of those hamsters in their little wheel. I get going faster and faster and faster and then a tiny mis-step and "fling"... the spinning wheel spins me off into the dust. Kind of an abrupt reminder that I need to slow-down, stop... and breathe.

But even when I do stop, and retire to Starbucks to "regroup". I often sit here and just scroll mindlessly on Facebook, or the news, or my emails, or Facebook, or the news, or... and on it goes. I get my to-do list organized. I answer emails. But I don't actually stop and... breathe.

For me, writing a blog like this is a way to stop... and breathe. Journaling can be the same. A walk. Sitting on a bench. Looking out a window.

Maybe that is all I am doing here. Not solving anything. Not fixing anything. Not checking something off a list.

Just stopping.

And breathing.

Breaking Free of a Rut

I love routines.

Routines love me right back.

I love not having to think about what I'm doing next. There's a comfort and a security in doing the same thing day after day. Get up, get dressed, brush teeth, comb hair, pack bag, head off to the coffee shop, work on stuff, head home, have breakfast. It's a simple routine, but I don't have to waste brain power overthinking things. And that makes it easier. No effort. No dithering. Just follow the routine.

And yet... as the years go by... things get... well... boring. We go to the same restaurants. We order the same things (beef dip, please!). We see the same people. Hike the same routes on the same trails. Every day starts to look like the last, and the days blur together and... well... it's boring.

There are days I can almost run the whole thing on autopilot. Same parking spot. Same order. Same table, if it's free. I know what I'm going to say before I even open my mouth. I know what the barista is going to ask. There’s something efficient about it… and something just a little bit numbing. But the idea of doing something different just feels like too much.

I read something the other month that got me thinking. Why is it that when we are young, time seems to crawl by? It takes forever to go from 5 years old to 10 years old. Yet, when we are in our 50s and beyond, five years can pass in the blink of an eye. Not to mention a whole week, or day, or afternoon. "Where does the time go?" we say, perplexed by it all. Has time sped up? Have we slowed down?

And yet... when we go on a two-night getaway to Vancouver, or Cumberland, or Victoria, we come back amazed at how those two days expanded and felt like a week. We were only gone two nights, and yet it felt longer.

And there is the rub... "it felt like"... time is subjective. When every day looks like the one before it—and the one after—time feels like it’s passing quickly. There’s nothing to differentiate the days. But when we go away, even for a day or two, we have new experiences. We stay somewhere different, eat somewhere new, hike new trails, visit new shops. All of those “new” experiences slow time down and make it feel like it’s passing more slowly.

So while the same old, same old is good for conserving brain energy... it also makes time speed up. And new, novel experiences slow it down.

All this leads to... 2026. I had a milestone birthday a few months ago—one that made me stop and think. Do I want to keep doing the same old, same old? Or do I want to try something different?

I had read a book a few years ago called 50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life. The author, realizing at the age of 50 that she was on the downward slope of life, committed to doing 50 new things—significant, at least to her. That book stuck with me, and I started to think... what would I put on a list like that?

And so when this last birthday came around... I decided to bite the bullet and do 60 new things in 2026. Whatever that might look like for me. Step out of my comfort zone. Go to different places. Hike different trails. Visit new restaurants.

Because while I love routine... I also find it ties me down.

It stifles me.

But I can change that... one small step at a time.

A Tim Hortons Detour (and a Broken Habit Loop)

 Sooo... if you're a regular reader of this blog, you know that I've been trying to ditch my Starbucks addiction. Well, my addiction to Starbucks hot chocolate.

Sooo… if you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that I’ve been trying to ditch my Starbucks addiction. Well, my addiction to Starbucks hot chocolate.

But Starbucks is my happy place, where I can sit, sip a drink in the early morning, and get some work done without distractions. It’s just that the hot chocolate is having an impact on my waistline.

So, I had this idea that I could walk to McDonald’s (or drive). It’s only a 30-minute walk and… it might be a good substitute.

Yeah. No.

My first visit to McDonald’s was an epic fail.

I decided to drive because some of the reviews said that their hours were a bit erratic. They are open 24 hours for drive-thru but are supposed to open at 5 a.m. for walk-ins. I showed up at a very respectable 5:40 a.m. to find the doors locked. I could have gone through the drive-thru, but I didn’t have the patience. So I got back in the car and drove to another Starbucks… not my regular one. Sigh.

So… if McDonald’s isn’t reliable, then I don’t want to walk all the way there and find them closed. They are not an option, at least not for early morning visits. Back to the drawing board.

Option 1 – Local Aquatic Centre

It’s about a 20–25 minute walk and has a café area with seating in the lobby. Not sure if they have Wi-Fi or electrical outlets either, but it’s an option. Except… reviewers say the café area is frequented by clumps of swearing teenagers. It does open at 6 am, but the little café itself doesn’t open until 9. I guess I could always bring my own tea.

Option 2 – University

Also a 30-minute walk. I used to go there before Covid, when their library building was open 24 hours a day. The library itself only opened at 8 a.m., but the Commons area was open much earlier. Covid threw all of that out the window. I just checked, and now the Commons is locked until 8 a.m. Only students and employees with a key card can access it before then. So that’s not going to work.

Option 3 – Local Coffee Shop

There’s a Serious Coffee about a five-minute walk from us, but it only opens at 8 a.m. I actually tried it for a few visits, but their tea selection is weak. They do have Wi-Fi and electrical outlets, but it just wasn’t my vibe.

Option 4 – Work from Home

This is another option. Just transition away from the idea of getting work done from a coffee shop and work from home instead. I did this during Covid, but I missed my coffee shop time. It’s a place where I can really focus and not be distracted by all the undone items at home. Just me, the laptop, and some focused time to write or work or whatever. So… not sure I want to give that up. I just need to figure out a different schedule or venue that works for me.

Option 5 – Tim Hortons

I’m not exactly sure why I didn’t consider this option sooner. I think there was a point several years ago when I realized Timmies was owned by an American company and… our household was boycotting it. Maybe. Not sure.

Anyhow… get this… I tried Timmies.

It’s across the street from the failed McDonald’s, so within a 30–35 minute walk of home, and an even quicker drive. I went in and ordered a small chai tea with a splash of milk… $1.98 (a full $0.70 cheaper than Starbucks!). I found a seat with an electrical outlet nearby, connected to the Wi-Fi, and it was… not bad.

It’s not the same as Starbucks, which has more of a dark, moody coffee-shop vibe. Timmies is more cafeteria-like, quite sterile and bright. But it had everything I needed. Plus… it opened at 5 a.m. Be still my beating heart! Finally, a coffee shop that was on my schedule.

That was on July 19, 2025.

For 100 days, I faithfully went to Timmies, breaking the Starbucks + hot chocolate loop. And no, I was never tempted by Timmies’ hot chocolate. The only downside… I came home smelling like hashbrowns and scrambled eggs. Not a pleasant smell. 

After 100 days, I tried a Starbucks visit… and I was able to order a tea without immediately reciting, “I’ll have a grande hot chocolate, no whip.”

I had broken the loop.

Slowly, I migrated back to Starbucks. It’s the hashbrown smell at Timmies. It’s just… icky. And yes, Starbucks hits my pocketbook with an extra $0.70, but I’ll take that if it means going home smelling like roasted coffee instead of greasy hashbrowns.

Parking Uphill: A Tactical Approach to Breaking Bad Habits

I've learned something new. Or heard it in a different way, so that it seems new. There's one key feature of forming good habits and rooting out bad habits... and it's NOT willpower (news flash). What is it?

Friction.

Remember friction? From physics class. Ugh. I remember doing these calculations to see if the angle of the slope was steep enough to cause the box to start sliding. Lots of trigonometry and cosines and sines.

But we're not going to talk about that sort of friction. Nope.

The sort of friction we're talking about is really simple.

Reduce friction - make things easy, quick, short

Add friction - make things harder, slower and farther

Forming Good Habits

The trick to forming good habits is to reduce the amount of friction in three key areas: time, distance, effort.

Want to do weights everyday? Move them out of the basement gym, into your home office. Put the 5 lb weights on your desk...  See, reduce the distance and the effort. Once you're doing 5 lb weights in between meetings, you can eventually up it to 10 lbs.

What to get more people to sign up as organ donors? Make the sign-up process super easy and seamless with a QR code and a process that only takes 2 minutes. Reduce the time and the effort.

Want to remember to bring a reusable mug/cup for your Timmies/Starbucks run? Have it by the front door or on the counter, and keep a spare in your car.

There are so many different ways to reduce time, distance and effort. I wrote a blog about it a few months ago. Want to get your day off on the right foot, make sure you "park downhill" the night before. Have your work-out gear laid out, have a full water bottle ready to go. Make it easy. Make it quick. Make it short. Reduce the friction, so that all you have to do is pop in the clutch and you are rolling downhill with no effort.

Breaking Bad Habits

Soooo... if we form good habits by reducing friction, then obviously, we can break bad habits by adding friction to... time, distance, effort.

I've known some of this for a while. I've got a bit of a sweet tooth so if there is chocolate in the house, I will find it and eat it. Yes, even the baking chocolate. Ask my mother... When I was a kid, my sister and I would raid the baking cupboard and eat the baking chocolate... or the chocolate chips. Mom would want to do some baking and couldn't figure out where all the chocolate went! Anyhoo... Today's Solution: don't bring chocolate into the house. Clamp down hard on this!

Yes, there is a corner store a 3 minute walk away, but it is downhill to the store and uphill on the way home. And that is enough friction to stop me from walking down there. And driving that short distance just seems ridiculous, at least to me. Plus... I don't want to spend $3 on a chocolate bar that costs $1.25 at the regular grocery store. That is highway robbery!

So for me... adding cost to the friction equation also works. Make something more expensive, or with a financial penalty... and I'm easily swayed in the opposite direction.

They (the scientists) have done studies... if you slow down elevator doors by 26 seconds, more people will get impatient and take the stairs. If you remove vending machines from schools, you (theoretically) make it harder for teenagers to snack on junk food. Judging by my niece... some teens just go to the nearest corner store or Timmies!

It's called the Principle of Least Effort. Habits are kind of like water and take the path of least resistance. So if you want to make a good habit, you need to make it as easy and frictionless as possible. The idea is to change your environment as opposed to trying to change things like willpower or discipline.

Frictionless Bad Habits

It works the other way too... we can reduce the friction for any habit... even bad ones. A lot of companies use this to their advantage. Want to buy something on Amazon? One-click shopping - super easy! And today, you can just say "Hey Alexa, buy "whatever"... and it happens. Very little friction there... and that can make it very easy for a bad shopping habit to form.

Credit cards and debit cards now have the tap feature so you can be in and out of stores super quick. Heck... credit cards make it super easy to buy something even when you DON"T have the money! Hence... credit card debt...

Netflix... we are trying to watch the latest Loki season, one episode at a team, making it last. But as one episode ends and the credits roll... the next episode queues up and before you know it, 20 seconds have gone by and the next episode is starting... automatically. "Oh heck... we might as well watch the next episode... just one more..." Netflix made "binge-watching" a thing...

Soooo many things are designed to make it easy for those little bad habits to get more and more deeply entrenched.

Knowledge, Awareness & Willpower are Not Enough

But knowledge is power, right? And once we are aware of our bad habits, we can choose differently? We have free choice, we have the willpower! We are disciplined!!

Meh. Not so much. Very few people can go "cold-turkey" and make it through the other side. Oh sure, inhibition and self-denial work for a while. If you've been reading this blog for a while, you might regularly wonder... "What the heck?... she is doing ANOTHER sugar detox?"

 Yep. Rinse. Repeat. That's what trying to rely on willpower does.

And this is not a 21st century problem... Does this quote sound familiar?

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but [I do] what I hate I do."

Yeah. St. Paul struggled with this too. Cause it's not about willpower... or knowledge or awareness. It's all about friction. 

If we want to break a bad habit, we need to modify our environment to add friction. If something is more difficult to do, or takes longer... or is farther away... we will tend to do it less often.

Adding Friction to Chocolate

Let's take my love affair with chocolate. I already know that I can't keep it in the house, otherwise it all disappears. Yay! There's knowledge! There's awareness!

Not so fast... I go to Starbucks during the day and... they have a chocolate brownie that is my kryptonite. Soooo... I have been successfully denying myself chocolate at home, but the craving is still there. What do you think happens when I go to Starbucks? Maybe I'm feeling a tiny bit frazzled or think I deserve a "reward" or... whatever. And bingo... chocolate brownie is on my plate!

Sooo... are there other options? Well... here's my plan.

I am no longer going to deny myself chocolate. I am actually going to keep some chocolate in the house. Yep. But it is going to be seriously dark chocolate. And a Dark Burnt-Almond Cadbury or Dark Rittersport bar do not make the cut. I am talking 70%, 80%... even 95% dark chocolate. Have you ever tried a 95% dark chocolate bar? It is seriously bitter! 

So, the plan is, when I'm at home, and get that chocolate craving, I can have a square of dark chocolate. Trust me... one square is usually enough. Right now, I am starting with 70% but I have some 90% as well. If I do want a second square later in the day, that's fine, but it's going to be the 90% chocolate. I take one nibble of that and I am good. You can't really binge on dark chocolate... it's not that sort of taste sensation.

If I want something sweet, I go and have an apple, because compared to 90% chocolate... an apple is a lovely, sweet, delicious, juicy thing!

As for the chocolate brownie... I now carry a cut up apple with me when I go out, and some almonds. I'm also thinking of bringing a half square of 90% chocolate with me... as back-up. The idea here is... if I get hungry, I have the apple. If I have a serious chocolate craving, I can have the dark chocolate.

As my palate gets used to the dark chocolate, I will up the first square from 70 to 78% and then 85% until I'm doing 90% for the first and 95% for the second.

So I am making it easier, quicker, shorter to have an apple or a bit of dark chocolate. I'm also making it harder, longer and farther to get crap chocolate.

We have little chocolate bars that we put in the welcome basket for our Airbnb guests... I've now tucked those down into the "pit" by the front door. The "pit" is a floor hatch by our front door, that leads to our little mini-basement (under the stairs space). It is a serious pain-in-the-butt to move the entrance bench, all the shoes, the rugs and floor mats, haul open the hatch door, prop it open and then go down and get a chocolate bar... and put it all back. So far, that added friction is working quite well. It's the "out of sight - out of mind" technique...

Out of Sight - Out of Mind

The other aspect of the brownie situation would be to add some more friction to the process... With Starbucks you earn points with every purchase and once you hit a certain threshold you can redeem them for things like... tea... or chocolate brownies (100 points). Who can say "no" to a FREE brownie!!!?? Not me. Although I could get a free tea too... but why "waste" those points on a tea.... 

I could just ditch the points program. But the thrifty person in me likes to get things for free... And there is really no way for me to say "Can you ban me from ordering a chocolate brownie". Although... if I let the points accumulate until it reaches 200 stars... I could get myself a tasty, relatively healthy snack box that has things like apple slices, cheese, nuts, peanut butter... That would be better? Maybe.

Here's an option that just popped into my head...

I use the Starbucks app on my phone to pay for my tea. But as I swipe the app open, it tells me in big, bold font, how many points I have. When I see 103 points... I think... FREE Brownie!!!!! But... what if I stopped using the app? I still have my Starbucks Gold card... I could use that instead. I got out of the habit of using the card during Covid when nobody wanted to touch it and swipe it... But if I use the card, I won't see the points building up and... that might just work! Going to try it!

Step 1 - remove the Starbucks app from my phone... (gasp)... Done.

No mobile order for me anymore, but I didn't really do those... Back to the old-fashioned card. Fingers-crossed.

N.B. IT WORKED!!! I wrote this in mid-October... and it is now early January and...October 18 was my last Starbucks brownie. Not seeing those Starbucks Rewards available to me makes a difference! As does having a cut apple in my bag... and a square of dark chocolate. Yay me!

Another Idea - The Kitchen Safe

The other option for increasing the friction for the munchies is to buy a Kitchen Safe. Yes, you read that right.

It is a simple plastic box with a lock on a timer...

You can put your cookies, candies, chips, phone, drugs, Xbox controller, car keys, credit cards into the box, set the timer and... voila... they are out of reach. Uh-huh... that's a well-spent $80... but maybe it would work for someone.

Although there are already websites that will tell you how to hack into your Kitchen Safe. I can already tell you that a hammer would probably work. Amazon has replacement bases for the Kitchen Safe...

This is apparently "America's #1 Habit Breaker" as seen on Shark Tank. Seriously? Oh... and it has charging access so your phone can be charging while it's in the penalty box.

Hey, whatever works. Our "pit" works similarly... it increases the friction to get at whatever we are craving.

Think of the Postivies

I'm sitting in McDonald's again this morning (6:30 am) after a few weeks of relapsing back to Starbucks. I know, I know... change is hard. I wrote about that a while back and it's so true. Even after writing that I was breaking up with Starbucks... there I was... back in it's familiar space. This morning though... I thought... "no"... just do it!

I walked in the door at McDonald's and figured out how to place an order on their big display screens. Another new thing. Now, it came in a disposable cup... so I'm going to have to figure out if they do reusable mugs. I'd probably have to order at the counter but... the first order has been completed. I can't articulate what a big hurdle that was for me... maybe not huge... but big enough that every morning I just thought "I'll just go to Starbucks". So it was probably more like a speed-bump hurdle but... it doesn't take much to derail the best laid plans! Oh... and get this... McDonald's has "table service"!? You can place your order, give them your table number and then sit down while they bring it to you! Go figure!

This morning, there is a different crowd hanging out at McDonald's. These are the guys heading off to work, a lot of them middle-aged. There is one table of old guys chatting away. It's not that different from Starbucks actually... where there's a similar gaggle of middle-aged construction guys that hang out. But I guess... the difference is, I'm on a first-name basis with some of them. And here... it's all new and different and strange.

Now McDonald's has a fairly limited tea selection but... the price is ridiculous. At Starbucks, it now costs $3.90 for a small tea. Here... I can get a senior's tea (smaller) for $1.42. And even a small tea would still be less than half the cost of a Starbucks tea. Soooo... sitting here... I am thinking of the positives...

Walkable/Bikeable

The McDonald's is an easy 30 minute walk from home. I can do that. And it's maybe an 8 minute bike ride. Also very doable. And I'll get the bonus of exercise. What's not to love about that? I could also bike to Starbucks but it's probably more like a 15 minute bike ride and that just somehow seems a bit of a bigger hurdle. 

Cheaper

This is a no-brainer. If I get a Starbucks tea every day (more or less)... that's... let's just round up... $4/day = $120/month.

Whereas at McDonald's... it's $1.50/day or $45/day. What could I do with an extra $75/month? A heck of a lot more than over-priced tea!

Reliable Wifi

Sometimes, at Starbucks, connecting to the wifi is a real hassle. You have to login every single time, even if you check off the little box that says connect automatically. And sometimes the wifi just doesn't work well.

Whereas, here at McDonald's, I was here once and connected to the wifi. This morning, I didn't have to do anything, the laptop connected automatically to the wifi and I was off and running. Gotta love that!

Quiet Music

Sometimes, at Starbucks, the baristas have the music cranked and are rocking their favourite playlists. Which is fine when no one is in the store but... when there are customers... it gets to be a bit much. Part of the problem is that the speakers are in the front corners of the store, far from the baristas, so in order to hear the music over the noise of the espresso machines and coffee grinders, they crank it. 

Here at McDonald's, they have ceiling speakers and even though I am basically sitting under one of them, the music is very chill - Lionel Richie, Phil Collins... Not exactly cool coffee shop jazz but... it's not hideous.

Errand-Friendly

The two Starbucks that I visit the most tend to have errand options nearby. The farthest one has Superstore, Home Depot, Costco, Walmart, etc. Hard to beat that for errand- friendly but... can McDonald's compete with the others?

• Starbucks 1 - grocery store, big thrift store, drug store/post office
• Starbucks 2 - dollar store, bulk food store
• Starbucks 3 - grocery store, library, drug store/post office
• McDonalds - grocery store, drug store/post office, vet, hair cut, several thrift stores

So, it does compare quite favourably. 

Scales Tipping in Favour of McDonald's?

It's kind of hard to argue with all of those pros... isn't it? Especially against a tiny list of cons. They are a multi-national conglomerate behemoth? So is Starbucks. It feels unfamiliar and strange. Yep... that's how life works. Life is change. Life is growth. I used to love Starbucks hot chocolates and that was the draw back in 2010. No other hot chocolate (Timmies for example) could compare. But tea? Tea is pretty generic. I'm not a tea connoisseur by any means.

At this point, it's the shear force of habit that keeps me going to Starbucks... and familiarity. But I can do this, right? I am stronger than those well-worn paths in my synapses! Small steps. 

Falling Off the Routine Bandwagon

I was off in Vancouver for a few days and my well-honed routine went out the window... no meditation or stretching in the morning was the first to go. I did journaling on one day and then it fell apart on the second day. My plan to walk 10,000 steps each day also didn't happen. My evening journal page also evaporated. Sigh.

That's the thing when you travel. You are out of your familiar milieu... you are away from your well-worn routine and... it's hard, really hard to keep things going. I try... but it's all different. It's like I need a different routine for a different environment, which probably makes sense but is something for which I didn't plan or prepare!!

It would take a it of effort given that I am staying at my sister's house and working on their timetable. They aren't up early and it's not a house in which I could cook my breakfast without disturbing someone's slumbers. At least not at 5:30 in the morning... Even as I'm tying this at 7:05 am... I realize I didn't take my Synthroid this morning! Ugh...

I'm not sure what a routine would look like when I'm traveling. And it seems like a lot of work to come up with a plan that I only need every once in a while, and only for a few days at at time. I know that when I get home today, I will slip back into my familiar routine and all will be well.

Perhaps if I was going on a longer trip... then it might make sense to devote some time and thought to what a morning routine might look like.

The one thing that has worked on this trip is... I get up early and I walk to the nearby Starbucks and sit there for several hours. Yesterday, I did do my morning journaling there, and I wrote one of these blogs. So that all worked. But this morning... I am heading back on the ferry, so the bus disrupted the flow of my early morning pattern. Even though I'm at a Starbucks near the ferry terminal, the journaling has taken a back seat. Although... kudos to me, I am writing a blog!

What I really needed on both days, however, was some food to take with me. Because I get hungry in the morning, and if I'm sitting at Starbucks for 3 hours... the siren call of the chocolate brownie becomes too much to resist. And while sometimes my sister has packable food options... not this time. So it would require me to go to the grocery store and get a few things to tide me over. Which all seems like too much effort for a 2 day visit. And so I cut corners and shave a few things off my routine.

Perhaps that is what is required... just cutting myself some slack when my habit doesn't follow its usual groove... or doesn't transfer well to another environment. It's just for a couple of days... and I can get back in the flow tomorrow. More or less... I hope!

In the meantime... what might a new habit ritual look like while staying at my sister's place? Just so I'm well-prepared for next time!

• get out of bed and take my synthroid
• get dressed and go upstairs for bathroom stuff
• do my 5 min meditation/stretching in the family room
• grab & go snack for Starbucks (the fridge usually has fruit & nuts - prep the night before)
• walk to Starbucks
• journal 2 pages
• write a blog
• and other stuff!

I know myself... and if I have it written down and mapped out in my head, then I've reduced the friction of some of these. I have thought through where I can do my morning stretches and meditation. Because if I haven't figured it out beforehand... it's not going to happen as I stand and wonder... where should I do it? Bedroom? Family room?

It's these small steps in planning and preparation that I hope will make a difference for next time!

Change is Hard

Last week I grumped about Starbucks and how I am so tired of the price increases, the reduction in amenities (comfy chairs gone) and the lousy rewards program that just cut reward star value in half.

After much muttering... I decided to try... McDonald's. It's supposed to open at 5:30 am... although the nearest McDonald's has some low reviews because of the hours not being accurate.

Rather than showing up at 5:30 am and finding the doors locked... I decided to try it one afternoon. I finished running some errands and walked in the door.

It's different than Starbucks... has more of a Tim Horton's feel. Bright... hard... sterile. I mean... it's not that different from Starbucks which also has hard surfaces... hard floors, hard tables... hard seats. But in Starbucks, the lighting is subdued and it gives it a nice moody ambience, warm and inviting. Here at McDonald's it's just a bit too... I don't know... cold.

But... there's always a but... they have a TONNE of electrical outlets, basically one by every table. And they have a lot of tables too. They even have some soft bench seating with tables (and electrical outlets).

I grabbed a table near the window and sat down... I can hear people chatting at the next table but there is a bit of a screen between us, which is nice.

The wifi was easy to connect to and is a solid 173 Mbps which s fast.

There are a lot of older people passing through here... which is fine. McDonald's food is cheap! I didn't order anything though... not a tea, not anything. Which might be a bit of a cheat but... I am trying it out.

Nobody's going to throw me out and... well... we'll see how it goes.

Right now... I don't like it. It's different than Starbucks and... well... I don't like it. I know that change is hard but knowing that doesn't make it any easier. I have gotten very comfortable at Starbucks. And making the move to McDonald's is going to take some doing. Are there things I could love about this place? Maybe... it's a good location. It's walkable from home. It's across the street from the local grocery store where I often come to pick up odds and ends. It has fast wifi. It has lots of electrical outlets. The music isn't super loud.

I mean really... when you look at it... the pros outweigh the cons by a long shot... at least in the number of them. Way more pros than cons. But the con (ambience) is a big one. Or is it?

I am going to have to try this out for a while and see how it goes. Small steps remember... just one small step.

Small Choices --> Big Results

Every morning when I leave the house to go to Starbucks for my morning session... I drop my pack at the front door and face a choice.

Am I going to wear my Blundstone boots for a chic, woman-about-town look... or am I going to tie on my Merrell light hiking boots?

The Blundstones are super easy to pull on and normally, for a trip to Starbucks, those are the shoes I would wear. But... if I wear them, then it's a guarantee that I will not be able to do a quick little walk around the local bird sanctuary after leaving Starbucks. The option or possibility of a walk is a closed door.

The Merrell's take longer to put on, with all those laces but... if I'm wearing them, then I am prepped to do a little hike or walk if I choose to do it. The option or possibility is still an open door.

And so, every morning lately, I've been pulling on my Merrell's... leaving the door of a hike or a walk open for me. It seems like a pretty small decision but... it's these sorts of things that have let me get more walks in.

Reducing Friction

There's a part of me that says... well... I could just wear the Blundstone's and bring the hiking boots in the car. That way, I can have the best of both worlds. True... except the idea of changing boots in the parking lot of the local trail is just that little bit of extra friction that... when my motivation is already not the greatest, could blow the door of a hike shut.

And in this business... every little bit of friction counts! Even this morning... I really had to talk myself into taking 4 or 5 minutes to get some frozen berries, thaw them in the microwave, dole out some yogurt on top of them, add some walnuts... so that I could bring an impromptu breakfast with me. The friction would be way less if I just prepped the yogurt breakfast the night before and put it in the fridge. That way... in the morning... when I'm groggy and just wanting to get out the door... the friction of taking a healthy breakfast is minimal. Because... if I end up at Starbucks without something to eat... my level of resistance to the whispers of the chocolate brownie is like... zero.

It's all part of the parking downhill idea... or removing the friction that slows down our desire to do the right thing, make the right choices... or make choices that we know are right/best/healthiest for us.

I've tried to think of different ways to reduce the friction of various habits. For my daily journal practice, for example, I bring extra pens in my backpack so that when I'm sitting at Starbucks and my fountain pen runs out of ink... I just reach into the pack and pull out a back-up pen and continue writing. No friction. 

When I want to edit documents on my laptop, using the laptop mouse pad is just an annoyance. One that I put up with for years... but that also hampered me from doing projects because... it's too hard to do with just a mouse pad. Until... late last year, I decided to bring an extra corded mouse that came with my new desktop computer. OMG... having a mouse plugged into the laptop makes life sooooo much easier!!! And then... my partner offered me the wireless mouse... even better!! I also dug out an old mouse pad so that my little mouse doesn't have to skitter across the naked table top at Starbucks.

I have back-up reusable coffee tumblers in the car, just in case I forget mine at home. But on the odd occasion lately, where I've forgotten my regular tumbler... I've also not taken one from the car. Why? Well, it's too much trouble. You see, I have one in the door cup holder of the passenger door. It's too far for me to reach and grab it from the driver's seat. Too much friction. But now, I've placed one in the rear door cup holder on the driver side, so when I grab my backpack from the back seat... the cup is right there, ready to grab. Fingers crossed that works.

All of these small friction-reducing actions do help me to make better choices and ultimately lead to big results. And lasting habits... because once the habit is ingrained... sometimes you can handle a bit of friction. The habit is so self-perpetuating, that it just blows through little friction speed bumps. Doesn't mean I can totally neglect friction-reduction but... it's nice to know that there is a bit of leeway!

Why New Year's Resolutions Fail and What to do Instead

Right then, hands up all of you... er... us... who have made New Year's resolutions. OK, great... now, hands up for those of us who have fallen flat on our faces by the end of January? Yup... me too. It's inevitable in a way. The New Year rolls around, all fresh and bright and shiny and we think... THIS is the year! And we make a long list of everything that we are going to change this year: lose weight, exercise more, learn to play that dusty guitar in the corner, become fluent in Spanish, start an Emergency Fund, etc. We make these resolutions and resolve to do them, come flood or high water!

Truth is, that shiny new year is weighed down by a sack of expectations before it's even one day old. No wonder that we fail... and yet next year... we try again. I do believe someone had a quote which defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.

The thing is, our amazing brain likes to streamline a lot of its work. It doesn't like to have to make decisions on what to do for all sorts of little micro actions, particularly if they are repeated time after time.

For example, driving a car. When we're first learning to drive a car, it's a huge brain drain. Every little action is new and different and we need to pay attention and think things through. But... drive a car for a few decades and these routines just run in the background without a lot of conscious thought. It's how we can get from home to the grocery store and realize we daydreamed the entire way! Of course, if something out of the ordinary happens, the brain kicks in again and we hopefully avoid the deer running across the street.

This brain routine thing can be a good thing... or a bad thing. Sometime when we were kids (or maybe when I was a kid), we'd sit in front of the TV and have a little snack before bed. Repeat that enough times and... now, as an adult, I sit in front of TV and I want a little snack. In some ways, we're no better off than poor Pavlov's dog. Ring the bell and salivate. Turn on the TV and salivate. So these brain routines aren't necessarily good for us... they're just the brain's way of making it's job a lot easier. "Oh yeah, TV's on... time for a snack!"

So, along comes the New Year and we think... right then... enough of that snacking in front of the TV. I am NOT going to snack. It works for maybe a few days or a week and then I've had a crappy day with the Zoom call or whatever and... it's snack time in front of the TV. And... well... once I've snacked one day in front of the TV, it's no biggie to just snack again the next day... and maybe the next day. I can always restart this no snacking thing on February 1. Yeah. Right.

There's a few of things going on here. First is that the brain loves routine... and once a routine has been programmed, it can kick in again days, weeks or months later. Sooo... that one snack night in mid-January ends up continuing for weeks. Second is that nature (and our brain) abhors a vacuum. It doesn't work to just take something away. Or to say "No" to something. Our brains are like... "Wait, what?" and it gets all twitchy because it keeps wanting to run the TV=Snack Time routine. Which explains why we often cave and eat the whole box of Merci chocolates in one go. I should know. sigh. Third is that we have a limited amount of decision-making capacity. So if, as we sit in front of the TV, our brain keeps saying "TV=Snack" and we keep making the decision to say "No"... eventually our "No's" are going to be worn down by the brain's never-ending attempt to run it's little routine.

But... there is help. Our brain programs can be rewritten but it's likely going to take small steps. Instead of relying on willpower and decision-making capacity, which is limited, we set up new habits. Like I said, our brain loves routines and habits are just routines. But habits don't just burst out of our brains fully formed in all their lovely glory. Nope... remember... small steps.

I'm a morning person. I like to get up early and it seems like a perfect time to go for a quick walk, just to get the blood flowing. In the summer, when it's light out and the sun is shining, this is not too challenging. In the winter, when it's dark and the rain is pouring down... good luck with that. If I lie in bed and have think and make a decision about whether or not I am going to go for my walk today... the walk will lose every time.

So, I started small. I'll just get dressed in my walk clothes. And once that's done... I'll go put on my walking shoes and coat. And then I'll just walk to the end of the driveway. Usually, once I'm out there, I'll go farther of course, "Cause, I'm already out here and it's not so bad." After weeks and months of this, it's now second nature... habit... for me to get up in the morning, get dressed and all kitted up in my rain gear and go out for a walk. I don't to have to think about it... it's just what I do in the mornings. It's a full-fledged habit. But... it took a while to get there.

I've also tried to make it a bit more "fun" by downloading audio books from the library and listening to a book as I'm trudging up the Beast Hill with the rain dripping down my face. It distracts me from that little internal voice that still yammers at me... "Do we really want to go up the Beast today? It's going to be sooo hard! And we're going to find out what a winter slug we have become!" But I can't listen to the audio book AND listen to that voice... otherwise I'll miss what's going on the in the book... so I just focus on the book and my brain/body work together to get me walking up the hill. It's when I start to think about it that things can go sideways and I end up just doing a quick walk around the block. The thing is... afterwards, I never regret going out in the pouring rain and slogging up the Beast. I feel good about myself!

Sooo... did I do New Year's Resolutions this year? Kind of. I set some goals for myself, ambitious goals I think, but I've also got a plan of small steps to get there. I'm tying them together with other well-formed habits, a practice called habit-stacking. After lunch, for example, I'm going to sit down at my computer and open a project file I've been working on (well... actually, I've not been working on it... but I want to be working on it!). I plan to work on it for a minimum of 15 minutes. And then we'll see where it goes from there. One of my biggest hurdles is getting started on things but even I can do something for 15 minutes. Odds are, once I'm into it, I'll work on it for a lot longer but... small steps...

As for the TV=Snacking routine/habit... I could do something else and not watch TV (what a thought). Do a puzzle. Genealogy data entry. Read a book. Play a virtual game of Skip-Bo with my Mom. The possibilities are endless. And once the cue (TV) is out of the picture... then the entire routine collapses. As long as I don't start snacking while doing the puzzle.

If I'm dead-set on watching TV, I could have a bowl of fruit on the coffee table, ready to be snacked on. Better than a whole box of chocolates. Speaking of which... I try not to keep chocolates in the house. Cause if they're here... I'll eat them. But it's not a complete vacuum... because I know that if the chocolate munchies strike, I can always walk down to the corner store and buy them. Strangely enough, however, that little bit of extra effort is enough of a kinetic barrier to stop the chocolate craving in its tracks.

There's a tonne of info out there on how to form habits. I recently read James Clear's book, Atomic Habits, which I highly recommend. Another book by Charle Duhigg, The Power of Habit, is also excellent. Maybe in the future, instead of making New Year's resolutions... we'll commit to forming some new habits for the New Year. And they all start with small steps.

Belated Space Bird Celebration

Yes, that's right, you are reading the words of a Space Bird graduate! On July 1 (Happy Space Bird Day!), I managed to go 500 days without having a hot chocolate. Was it an addiction? Mmmm... possibly. For sure, it was a very, very well-entrenched habit... and not a good one. Never mind the $$ spent on hot chocolate at Starbucks, there was also the impact on my waistline and my arteries and cholesterol levels.

Eleven years ago, more or less, I ditched my Coke habit (that's Coca Cola... not the other stuff). That too was a huge thing... but I managed to do it. And now, 11 years later, I feel nary a flicker of desire when I walk by a vending machine. On the other hand, even though I'm free of hot chocolate, I still feel twinges of desire for a rich and creamy, oh so yummy, Starbucks hot chocolate with whipped cream and mocha drizzle. Mmmm... Sooo... clearly there is still some life in that habit and I have to be vigilant.

For a while, I've been planning a blog post on the distinction between habits and willpower. It takes a lot of oomph to alter a habit and about 30-60 days. But once you are over that hump, and have a new habit in place, it does go more smoothly. Relying on willpower, however, is more problematic, as willpower is a limited resource and, by most afternoons, most of us are extremely depleted in the willpower department.

I'm going to have to do some more research but a few tips on shifting from one habit to another are:

• Awareness - identify the when/where/who of your old habit - me, at Starbucks, with a hot chocolate, happily sipping and working away on some writing in the peaceful white-noise hubbub of a coffee shop.
  
• Identify the Triggers - is it stress or boredom? What is going on in your life? Right now, Covid-19 stress is a big driver in people clinging to old habits. I hesitate to say "bad" habits... maybe it's more that they don't lead to desired outcomes. For myself, going to Starbucks was my "peaceful zen" time... or at least, that's how I saw it. I could get away from all of the clamouring to-do-list tasks and interruptions at home (I'm looking at you, cat!) and just focus on one thing.
• Write it down - make the promise to yourself in writing and look at it every day
• Alter the Environment - change the when/where/who of the old habit. I made it much harder on myself by continuing to go to Starbucks and doing my usual routine. It would have been easier had I gone elsewhere... like Tim Hortons where they have terrible hot chocolate.
• Buddy up - find someone to be accountable to... or someone who also wants to alter an old habit.
  
• Replace the old habit with a new one - instead of ordering a hot chocolate at Starbucks, I would order a chai tea. Again, I made this harder on myself because not only was the hot chocolate a habit, going to Starbucks was a habit. It would have been far better for me to replace my morning Starbucks habit with something else - a hike, a spell in the garden, going to the library.
  
• Reward or Penalty - identify some reward or penalty that can serve as a motivator for altering the old habit. For me, the idea of paying a $5 penalty to my partner every time I had a hot chocolate was a serious motivator and oftentimes, it was the only thing that kept me from ordering a hot chocolate during that first month.

Our brains love to set things up on auto-pilot... disrupting that takes time and attention. But it is doable. I had been trying to quit hot chocolate for several years, so it took me repeated attempts to finally ditch it for good. It also requires vigilance because already... I can see the potential for several other less-than-desirable habits forming... Starbucks double chocolate brownies... chocolate, period! I am working in the direction of indulging in a brownie once a week, after a hike, using money that I have collected whilst hiking (e.g. picking up beer and pop cans on my daily walks). If I have enough money at the end of the week (or Starbucks points) for a brownie, brilliant. If not... too bad. In many ways, this is a perfect merging of several habits:

1. Encourages me to take my daily walks - the more walks I take, the more likely I am to find cans, etc.
2. Encourages me to bring plastic bags and pick up litter - I am still struggling with the hurdle of "what will people think".
3. Rewards me with a brownie at the end of the week. The only hiccup I see with this little holy trinity of habits is... collecting too many cans and getting to the point where I have enough weekly funds for more than one brownie! Still... $3.10 for a brownie, means I need to collect 31 cans in a week... Today I got none sooo...I don't think "too many cans" is going to be a problem...

So... that's where I'm at... mighty Space Bird that I am... and trying to amend old habits and develop new ones... Some of it might seem silly to others, looking in, but... whatever works, baby!

Picking up the Threads of Life... or Not

Tim Horton's is opening up to dine-in customers... with social distancing measures in place. That was in the news a few days ago. Which means Stabucks won't be far behind.

And so I sit here at home and really think... if... when... Starbucks reopens to dine-in customers... will I be one of them?

There's a part of me that really, really, really wants to pick up the threads of my old life. I love going to Starbucks, plugging into an electrical outlet, connecting to WiFi and getting some work done. I love the ambience. I love seeing the regulars there, even if all we do is exchange a "Hello".

Starbucks seating in Korea - before Covid...
and during Covid reopening

Except... the virus isn't gone. Even though we've had no new cases on the island for several days... that doesn't mean there aren't a bunch of asymptomatic carriers out there who, with relaxed lock-down rules, will now come out of the woodwork and... infection rates could go up.

New studies have also shown that regular talking can leave droplets in the air that linger for up to eight minutes, particularly inside. Thinking of all those people in a Starbucks who might sit and talk or stand and talk and... even after they have moved off... their droplets might linger and... sigh...

This blog is all about small steps and... I don't think running back to Starbucks (or even the local independent coffee shop) is a "small step". Particularly without a vaccine in place. At this point, picking up the old threads of life seems rather irresponsible. To me.

It's been two months now since we started hunkering down and... it's kind of getting to the habitual stage. I am getting used to the idea of having my "Starbucks time" at home... even if I have to deal with feline interruptions.

And so... much as I have been dreaming of a return to some semblance of normalcy... it ain't here yet. Starbucks can open to dine-in customers... but I won't be one of them. We are going to continue to keep our circle small, our trips essential (grocery store, pharmacy and home/garden) and hunker down for the long haul.

Almost a Space Bird...

Yup, you heard that right... a Space Bird! What the heck is a space bird? It's... well... it's the virtual equivalent of a gold star... or maybe a platinum star... or titanium. It's a long story but... apparently I am easily motivated by the rather nebulous reward of a virtual gold sticker.

750 Words
Badges

A few years back, I joined the site 750Words... the idea was to write 750 words a day, whatever they might be. It was kind of a spin-off of Julia Cameron's Morning Pages (from her book, The Artist's Way). Except not. Julia Cameron's idea was to write three pages every morning... on paper. If we estimate 250 words/page... we end up with 750 words. But... typing 750 words is not quite the same as writing long hand... or whatever it's called nowadays.

Anyhow... I joined 750 Words and started writing every day... Which is not as easy as it sounds. It takes quite a bit of self-discipline and motivation to sit down every day and just write. It didn't even have to be coherent stuff... just sit down and write. Agh... challenging! So the creators of the 750Words site came up with the idea of Badges... brilliant!!

Every newbie on the site starts off as an Egg. But... write for three days in a row and... you get to be a Turkey!! After 5 days, you get promoted to a Penguin... with a bow-tie no less. This is exciting stuff... seriously. Because... if you miss a day of writing... you go back to being an Egg. Which, honestly, is tragic. Because you are then starting back at Square 1... So there is actually quite a bit of motivation to keep the streak going because once you hit 10 days, you become a Flamingo. And at 30 days, the majestic Albatross.

I can't tell you how many times I got demoted to an egg... it was one of the worst feelings... but, honestly... up to the Albatross... it's not such a big deal, because in 30 days... you're back to being an Albatross... But after that, things get serious. I was stuck at Albatross level for months... I kept going back to being an Egg and have to claw my way back up to 30 days.

750 Words
Badges

The next level after the Albatross is a leap... 100 days of consecutive writing... and then one can level up to the coveted Phoenix. There is some serious motivation going here because one slip-up... one missed day and... boop... it's back to being an Egg.

After that... the next level is 200 days... and a Pterodactyl... It takes a lot of dedication to reach this level. I have to admit... I used a few cheats to make it this far... I'd write a few sentences in the 750Words app and then... copy and paste repeatedly until I hit 750 words. There were just some days where I couldn't gather the oomph to write something even non-coherent! But... any port in a storm.

I was well on my way to being a Pegasus (365 Days) when I logged into the site one day and discovered that... I was an Egg.

WHAT!!!!???

750 Words
Badges

Nooooooo.... this must be a mistake!!!! And then I remembered... I had seen the emailed reminder to write the day before and said "later"... but later never came and... there I was... a lowly Egg again. I have to admit, I snapped. I deleted my account and turned my back on 750Words for good.

I'd never reach the coveted Space Bird level (500 Days)... sigh...

Except... I had been on the site for so long that... those levels are kind of locked in my brain now. And, when I turned my back on my hot chocolate addiction last February... I pulled the 750Words Badges out of my memory banks and used them as motivation. I know... it's weird... but if weird works... go for it!

I used a wall calendar and... while I didn't have Egg, Turkey, Penguin, etc stickers... I found some other stickers that worked... and charted my progress...

I started off with ladybug stickers... then graduated to owl stickers and... finally at 100 days... to cat stickers. I think at 200 days. I graduated to teddy bear stickers... and there I have remained. After 365 days, I had run out of stickers!

But... I am currently at 435 days hot chocolate free (as of April 27) and the 500 Day milestone is approaching and... it's time to dust off the Space Bird. I'm rummaging through my Avery labels looking for some that I can use to cobble together some Space Bird stickers... Except...

In preparation for becoming a Space Bird... and recognizing the 365 Day milestone!

While the Space Bird was the pinnacle of badges four years ago when I left 750Words... I now see that there are other badges! The Flying Squirrel at 1000 days and the Great Griffin at 2000 days. Whoa...

So... while it may seem silly... this little extra boost of motivation keeps me on the straight and narrow with hot chocolate... I have not desire to go back to being an Egg... and hacking my way back up to Albatross, etc.

Habits of Caring for Self

"Put your own oxygen mask on first, then help others." I don't know how many times I heard that line while I was caregiving for my Dad. Over and over again... "you have to take care of yourself otherwise you can't care for him". It is so true. And  yet so impossible.

Caregiver Burnout

My Dad had vascular dementia. For anyone who has journeyed with a person stricken by dementia... you know what I mean.

For me, it also wasn't a rewarding experience. It wasn't sunshine and butterflies. My Dad and I had a complex relationship. Growing up, he was never there for us when we were kids. Oh, he was occasionally "there" physically... but he definitely wasn't there emotionally.

I did my best to care for him, but the toll it took on me was huge. I also tried to take care of myself, I really did... but when the phone rang at 7:15 am and it was Home Support (saying they couldn't come) or Dad (all confused because Home Support had come)... meditation got put on the back burner.

It was a slow chipping away at my care for self. It got to the point where I would forget to brush my teeth in the mornings. Do that often enough, and you lose the habit of brushing teeth very quickly! Why is it that bad habits are soooooo easy to form while good habits are NOT?

I'm one of those people who do well with routine. I do best when I have a plan. I'm not one of those loosey-goosey airy-fairy... zodiacal Air signs. I am a serious, down to earth... zodiacal Earth sign. Anchored. Grounded. Solid. But during the whole care-giving experience, I lost that... I became untethered from routine, from what grounded me and floated through my days in an aimless fog.

My partner would ask me: "What do you need to do right now, for you?". And I couldn't answer the question. Not a clue. In hindsight, I can see the signs of caregiver burnout and it was nasty. My partner completely freaked out one evening when she learned that I had no plan for the next day. "What about your routine?!!" I looked at her wearily and admitted, "I don't HAVE a routine!". Sometimes the caregiver needs to be taken care of...

Slowly, I began to build a tiny bit of routine into my life. Get up, go for a quick walk, meditate, breakfast. If phone calls disrupted that... then get back on track after the disruption. It was hit or miss for a while. Cause, somehow, it's darn easy to get off-routine and sooo hard to get on-routine!

That's one thing I've learned... caring for self requires some discipline. It's not going to happen by itself. And it's not just having a bubble bath. It's doing the things that I KNOW ground me but that... somehow... are always the first things to fall by the wayside.

I KNOW that walking in the woods is good for me. It feeds my soul like nothing else and yet... even knowing that. I don't do it. WTF? Here's what goes on in my head:

Me: It's nice out. I should go for a walk in the woods.
Other Me: I don't have enough time.
Me: Of course there's enough time. It doesn't have to be long. 20 minutes even!
Other Me: It's too much work. I'd have to change my pants and put on my boots and drive 3 minutes...
Me: Seriously? Come on, you could take photos of pretty leaves in the sunshine...
Other Me: I'd feel like a slug. I haven't hiked for so long, I'd get out of breath.
Me: Well then, this is a good time to get started!
Other Me: What if the plumber phones or...
Me: Good grief!! That's what cell phones are for!
Other Me: I don't feel like it... I don't want to.... You can't make me...

 And on it goes... until the time really is GONE! And both of me are exhausted...

Here's the thing. I ALWAYS feel better after going for a walk. Always. Without fail. Even if I get out of breath. And yet... there's this hump of inertia that I just can't seem to get over...

Wikipedia - Activation energy with and without
a catalyst

It reminds me of Chemistry 11/12... I remember these charts that involved a catalyst to get over the hump that prevented a chemical reaction from taking place.

The hump is called "Activation Energy". See the black line... it's pretty darn high. But add a catalyst (red line) and it becomes much lower, so it takes less energy to get the reaction going.

That's kind of like me and walking. The Activation Energy is pretty high, and gets higher if I engage in a laborious decision-making process with myself. What could I do to lower the Activation Energy?

One option is to skip the whole decision-making process... and just make the walk part of my routine. It's then non-negotiable and just something that I do... Here's the morning routine I'm working with right now:

• Get dressed
• Brush teeth
• Take vitamins
• Feed cat
• Walk

I actually have a check-list in my day planner because honestly... it's soooo easy to skip some of these. Except for feeding the cat... that really is non-negotiable. The other things are not well-ingrained habits for me and so every evening, I write out the list so it's front and centre for me the next morning. I don't necessarily look at the list because I can remember what comes next. Except... here's the thing... "Feed cat" is not written down and yet it always happens, without fail. Interesting--must reflect on that some more...

Another trick I could use is to lay out my walking clothes in the bathroom the night before. If I lay them out... then it becomes much easier to actually put them on. If I don't put them out, then I automatically get out of bed, grab my regular pants and put them on. Then, if I want to walk, I have added a decision point. "Oh, I've put on my regular pants. I wanted to go for a walk. Ah, it's too much trouble to change pants." Seriously... this is what goes on in my head. I haven't reduced the Activation Energy... I've actually increased it!

Finally, I make the "walk" as tiny as possible... at least while I'm in the house. A 20 minute walk seems overwhelmingly long, so I tell myself: "Just get dressed and go for a 5 minute walk." That's a tiny walk, and I'm more likely to say: "Okkkkaaaayyyyy.... fiiiinnnneeee." Once I'm out the door and walking though, over that Activation Energy hump, I usually go for much longer and 20 minutes becomes a snap. 

The trick is to make going for a walk as dummy-proof as possible with as few decision points as possible. Decisions take energy and increase that Activation Energy. Better to eliminate as many as possible. I don't have to think about what to wear because it's right there waiting for me. I don't have to think about what vitamins to take, because they're already all portioned out in one of those day-of-the-week dispensers. I don't have to think about what to do next... because I have the checklist in my head. I don't have to wrestle with the duration of the walk because it's set up to be small and doable (5 minutes).

Now, if I were to think of any of those things as "optional" then it becomes easy to skip them. Trust me... I know this. We went away for a couple of weeks and when we got back... my morning routine was no longer a habit. For the last month, I've been struggling to get back on track and... while I am always feeding the cat... I am still not going for a morning walk.

It's no wonder. I'm treating it like it's "optional". I'm not laying out my walking clothes the night before. I'm not telling myself "Just 5 minutes". Sooo... this is a bit of an insight for me. I didn't really know how this blog was going to play out, I just started writing. And I've got a clue as to why the morning walk isn't happening. I'm going to take my own advice and put these tips into practice tonight. The morning walk is now non-negotiable. I'm going to lay out my walking clothes in the bathroom tonight... and plan for a 5 minute walk in the morning. These are all Small Steps in moving me in the direction of health and wellness... Wish me luck!

My Struggle with Addiction

Every morning, I wake up and I feel it. The craving. And I think... maybe I could have just one. That's it... just one. That's not so bad, is it? The thing is... I've been around the block often enough to have learned a thing or two about my addiction. There ain't no middle ground. It's either all or nothing. When it comes to this drug... I fall in the Abstainer camp rather than the Moderator camp. What's the drug? A luscious white powder... chemical formula... C₁₂H₂₂O₁₁... commonly known as sugar.

Pure powdered refined sugar

Yep... I'm a tried and true sugar addict and my preferred method of delivery is liquid sugar. Although... in a pinch, I won't say "no" to a chocolate fudge brownie... or an Eat-More bar.

Growing up, I don't remember being a massive sugar monster, although my Mom might have different recollections.

Oh... wait... now that I think on it.... **cough**

I do recall sneaking into Mom's baking cupboard when she wasn't around and pilfering squares of baking chocolate. Even the semi-sweet stuff. Oops, forgot about that.

So maybe there was some writing on the wall back then.

Coke - the Real Thing

Things really took off when I went to university. I developed a taste for Coke (the drink... not the other stuff). I'd have a Coke in the afternoon after classes... There's nothing like that moment when you crack the tab on a can of Coke and smell that first heady rush of released air. Oh... and the first sip... priceless! Sooo soothing and relaxing.

But... slowly, over time, my first sip of Coke would get earlier and earlier in the day. And then I'd end up having two Cokes a day... and it would get earlier still. Soon enough, I was having three or four cans of Coke a day, starting at 8:30 am.

Every once in a while, I'd tell myself to get a grip and I would go cold turkey. I'd suffer through the headaches (double whammy of sugar/caffeine withdrawal) for five days and then I'd be good for a few weeks.

Inevitably, I would think... "I'll just have one this afternoon". And the cycle would begin anew. Rinse and repeat... for years. I knew that Coke was bad for me and I tried to quit numerous times... but it always worked its way back under my skin. "I'll just have one."

And then, miracle of miracles... on 7 July 2009, I went cold turkey again. This time it stuck. A week went by... then two weeks... a month... two months and... slowly the craving abated. I could walk by a vending machine and not twitch with desire. I had kicked the Coke habit! I was pretty proud of myself.

Starbucks Hot Chocolate - pure bliss
(more on disposal cups in
another blog post)

But... yep, there's always a but... I had formed a new habit. I had moved to Calgary in the spring of 2019 and transitioned to a new work-from-home job. I began riding my bike around the Glenmore Reservoir and discovered a Starbucks at the half-way point. I'd pack my laptop into my backpack, cycle to the Starbucks and get a bunch of work done. These little adventures ticked a few boxes: get some exercise... get out of the house... have a change of scenery. Win-win-win!

There was just a tiny, little hiccup. I felt guilty just sitting there, using Starbucks wi-fi and not buying anything... I needed to find a drink. Never having developed a taste for coffee (ewww) or tea (ick)... I settled on hot chocolate. Not just any chocolate, a Grande Hot Chocolate with whipped cream and mocha drizzle. Oh... yum...

My little sugar-addicted synapses were dancing a happy jig and my new form of sugar addiction was born. Oh yes, I'd try to quit hot chocolate every once in a while and... well... same story as with the Coke. Not much success. Although I never did get up to three hot chocolates a day... two was my worst!

Dec/Jan 2017/18 attempts to kick
hot chocolate (check marks good,
red x's are bad)

My fasting blood sugar levels started to creep up... and I tried to get a grip, but I was still flirting with the pre-diabetic danger zone. Time and again... I'd go cold turkey... or try moderation - "I'll only have 3 hot chocolates/week"... but nothing worked.

The longest I made it was 21 days and then I caved. These collapses of intention and will-power were usually associated with some stressful event in my life. Things would get stressy... and I needed comfort or a reward. I'd rush off to Starbucks for a hit of hot chocolate. It was soothing... it was calming... at least for an hour or so.

The other thing that I noticed was... hot chocolate ain't cheap. Coke is a cheap drug ($0.11/100 ml)... hot chocolate not so much ($1.00/100 ml). Try spending $3.65/day for at least 20 days a month and... that's almost $80/mo or almost $1000/yr. Not to mention the price of hot chocolate kept going up!

Oh, and let's not even talk about calories. Coke has a miniscule 140 calories/can (355 ml). Starbucks hot chocolate clocks in at 400 calories/grande cup (473 ml). I really hadn't improved things when I quit Coke and upgraded to hot chocolate! Although... when you consider that I used to get up to 3 cans of Coke a day... 140x3 = 420 calories/day... not that far off from the hot chocolate. And... in many ways... I HAD reduced my sugar consumption... 43 g of sugar in one grande hot chocolate... versus 39 g of sugar in ONE can of Coke. Three cans of Coke would be an insane amount of sugar...

Anyhow... before I try to justify hot chocolate as being "better" than Coke... back to my story. The cost of Starbucks hot chocolate got me thinking on ways to reduce my overhead. I tried buying the mix-your-own packets of Starbucks hot chocolate from the grocery store... and having them at home. But, because it was so convenient... I'd sometimes end up having two mugs a day. Not a solution. I tried making my own hot chocolate using cocoa powder, milk and sugar. At least I could moderate the amount of sugar, 1 tbsp instead of 2 tbsp in each mug. But... that was still a lot of sugar. I was seemingly powerless in the grip of sugar... until last February.

Hot Chocolate's D-Day
On 3 February 2019, my father passed away in a long-term care home. It was a stressful, grief-laden time. Two weeks later, after visiting Starbucks and having a hot chocolate... I said "Enough is enough." I had been reading about different ways to alter ingrained habits and came across the idea of a reverse-reward... i.e. a penalty system. You make a commitment to change a habit and every time you do not honour that commitment, you have to pay a penalty that hurts. Like donating to the political party that you hate. That wasn't going to work for me as I wasn't that passionate about politics but... I liked the idea of a penalty.

The implacable reality of cold hard cash

I sat down with my partner and explained my plan. Every time I had a hot chocolate, I would have to put $5 into a penalty fund. She thought it was a good idea and upped the ante. "Fine, but that money goes to me. And that's only for the first hot chocolate. After that, the penalty doubles to $10... and after that, it doubles again to $20." Ooooohhhh... that's wicked! I put the $5 into the penalty pot that day, to cover the hot chocolate I'd had that morning. Game on.

We also started tracking my progress on the wall calendar. For every successful hot-chocolate-free day, I got a little animal sticker on that day (nod to the badges of www.750words.com). I started off with ladybug stickers and, after 30 days, progressed to owl stickers. After 60 days I got cat stickers... and at 100 days I graduated to teddy bear stickers. My tracking app says I have 353 days under my belt. Only 12 days to go...

The start of my Hot Chocolate Free
odyssey (check marks are good!)

Was it easy? Heck, NO! It's been one of the hardest things I've ever done - even harder than the Coke addiction. Once I made it past my previous record of 21 days hot-chocolate-free, though, I felt a bit more confident. It also got slightly easier after 60 days. I had some momentum and didn't want to break the chain (nod to Jerry Seinfeld). But there were many days where the only thing that held me in check was that looming $10 penalty. Truth is... I still crave hot chocolate. I'm sitting here in Starbucks right now, sipping a chai tea with milk (just a tea... not a chai tea latte). It is... palatable... but that's about it. I've tried every tea in their arsenal and... this one is the best of a bad lot... sigh.

Sooo... remember the sugar/grains detox my partner and I started in September 2019? Well... I am so glad I got the hot chocolate addiction handled months earlier. My fasting blood sugar levels are OK... and I feel better without all that sugar coursing through my system. I even lost a bit of weight after the hot chocolate taps were turned off. Best news of all... I didn't replace that liquid sugar supply with another one. I'm not a root beer addict... or a caramel macchiato addict. I don't dump packets and sugar/sweetener into my tea. I do, however, notice a weakness for chocolate... particularly if it is in the house. So... I try not to keep it in the house.

As I come up to my one year anniversary of being Hot Chocolate Free... I find myself having a little internal debate. "Maybe I could just have one on the anniversary date. Just one. And then I could start the abstinence anew." It's interesting to observe this conversation going on in my head, because it never happened with Coke. I think the hot chocolate has deeper roots... and it is hanging on for dear life...

As I said... I've learned a few things in my life... moderation for my sugar addiction does NOT work. I need to go cold turkey and abstain completely. But that's only for sugar... I have no problem moderating alcohol intake and can have a beer or not... no problem. But sugar... it's got me in its grip.

Every day, therefore, is a choice. Sometimes every hour! Just one small step towards health. And 353 daily small steps later... I've come a long way. Will I cave and have a hot chocolate on February 18? Stay tuned...

I'm kind of curious though... how have other people altered deeply ingrained habits? How did you give up smoking or sugar or alcohol or video games? What worked for you?

P.S.
I'll also look at the environmental impact of sugar plantations in a future blog post...

Suffice to say, reducing our sugar consumption would definitely be better for our health as well as that of the planet!