When My Day Turns into a Chronic Hiccuper

 There are just some days where everything goes sideways. Wake up early, Starbucks not open, Wifi not working, Bluetooth mouse not connecting, brain not working properly, can't log-in to a website, co-worker complaining about something... ugh!

It seems like the whole day is "recalculating... recalculating... recalculating...". I try to go with the flow and pivot and adapt and reformulate and regroup and refocus and readjust and... eventually it's just a bit too much. I just want something to go right!!!

Sooo... deep breathing. Pause. Slow down. Maybe it's time to stop. Just stop. Another deep breath. Given what is happening to this day... what are my priorities. Not what I hoped to get done. What do I actually NEED to get done. I have all sorts of plans and ideas and tasks for the day but... maybe it's time to let them go and reassess my day. Which is a hard thing for me. I just want everything to go smoothly! Why can't it just go smoothly every single day!

Which is really a useless, pointless question. There's always little hiccups that happen in a day and on this particular day, it seems like the hiccups are endless. So, given that it's a Day of Hiccups... how can I adjust my perception, my attitude about this day. Rather than getting frustrated... it's to recognize that this day is just not off to a great start. Really, anything that I get done today is a bonus.

And... rather than struggling upstream, frantically trying to make things happen in the face of a slew of hiccups... just go with the flow. Maybe today is not the day to write a blog. Maybe today is not the day to figure out why the Service Canada website is rejecting my login (it is a Saturday after all). Maybe today is not the day to work on anything at all. Maybe it's a day to rest. The workshop I've been helping with had its last session this morning. There is nothing urgent on my plate. I can actually stop.

My temptation though is to get a whole bunch of other things done today, stuff that has been snow-ploughed all week, as the workshop work took up my time and energy. I figured that once the session was done today, I could dive in and get a whole host of things checked off on my to-do list. Maybe not.

So perhaps it's time to stop... maybe even back-up and reassess this day. What do I NEED to get done today. Maybe I NEED to rest and relax for a while. That is a hard thing for me to admit. But that's what this is all about... reflecting on what is happening and seeing what is required. It's a small step on the road to self-care.. but at least it's a step!

Going with the Flow instead of Struggling Upstream

Do you ever have one of those days where things just go wrong, over and over again? No matter what you do... particularly if you're in a rush or have something urgent on your plate... the universe just does NOT cooperate. Yep... I'm having one of those days.

I'm sitting in Starbucks and trying to get some work done on my laptop. It worked fine yesterday and now today...

• the browser is freezing - not responding
• the internet is not connecting
• I tried another browser but that didn't work either
• I killed all the browsers and tried again
• Windows is running an update in the background (memory hog)
• the second browser returned a bug report that it wanted to send to Mozilla (memory hog)
• I tried my phone instead of Starbucks wifi - still clogged
• Norton (which really needs to be uninstalled) is slowing everything even more

Almost an hour later... I have nothing to show for more time here except a deeper furrow on my brow. I did bring a journal and wrote a bit of my frustration away but... sometimes I think the message from the universe is... slow down... go with the flow... be patient. None of which is something I really want to hear right now!!

I want to get some work done, darnit!!! Ugh... but sometimes you just have to go with the flow. Because, honestly, struggling upstream against all of these computer delays is simply not good for me. And I am really not a great... go-with-the-flow type of gal. Unless, of course... the flow is going my way and then I'm zooming along quite happily.

It's when the universe has different plans from my own... and our plans are in direct opposition... that things go sideways. I think I should be doing X and the universe is making that very challenging! But perhaps the real message is... I shouldn't be doing X... but rather the exact opposite of X which is... Y?
But I don't want to do Y!!! I want to do X!! ... pouting face... Which is fine. I can be like that... but it's raising my blood pressure and making me frustrated and I'm getting mad with myself for not letting the computer do it's stupid updates overnight and... and... and... it's not pretty. So. Can I just take a deep breath and... allow the situation to just be the way it is. Can I just sit here and take another deep breath and murmur... "it's all ok". 

If I could do that, I think a lot of stress in my life would just slip away. Because... while I hate to admit it... this morning was very busy and I came to Starbucks in the early afternoon to take a breather and regroup and... slow down. Maybe the universe is wiser than I am. Or listens better than I do. Even though I come here looking to regroup after a tedious 5 hours spent on the computer... I immediately go back on the computer, ostensibly to write this blog... but it's still more of the rush-rush attitude. Deep breath.

OK... you wheedled it out of me... if truth really be told... I want a chocolate brownie!! And I don't have enough $$ in my Starbucks app and I need to load more $$ using the web app if I want to do a mobile order. Which I do... otherwise I have to get up and leave my computer behind (and out of sight) while I go to the cashier and put more money in the app and order it that way.

There... fine... I said it. And... the Starbucks we app is not opening!!! Argh!!! But I just figured out that I can do it on the phone app so I did. So there! Hmph.

But I think the lesson still stands. Sometimes we need to slow down, take a deep breath, stop... and just let the water flow around us. Rather than going against the flow... go with the flow... instead of muttering imprecations against the computer... I could have pulled out the greeting cards that I keep in my backpack for just such an eventuality and written a few cards. That way the computer can slog through whatever updates it needs to do without me interrupting it every few seconds with a new request, thereby prolonging the agony. One day... I will learn this lesson.

... Recalculating... Recalculating...

You know how, when you're using GPS... or your phone's map feature... and you're driving... and it tells you to go left and you go right... it then pauses, frowns at you (you can just feel that)... and in this prissy voice says "recalculating... recalculating..." and then gives you a new route? Well that happens in real life too...

Except there's no prissy AI voice to tell you that you've gone off course... and that you need to pause and stop and figure out how to get back on track. There's no voice from the heavens that says "recalculating".

And it's easy to get off track. A few brownies here... a few chocolate bars there... and suddenly you are 5, 8 or 10 lbs off your ideal weight... you know... the weight where 80% of your clothes fit you. Especially your jeans...

For me... it's my jeans... and my belt... that start me muttering that dreaded phrase... "recalculating". All of a sudden, and it really does feel that sudden, the belt no longer fits so well at hole #4... but we are now having to use hole #3... and then, sometimes... it just feels less constricting at hole #2. Uh-oh!!! Recalculating!!!

Or... I'm going through my closet, trying on pants and... a few years ago... I was actually able to slide down into a 12 (or a 32) which was amazing!! I mean... normally I'm a 14/34 but... a 12/32 felt great! But then I went back to a 14/34 and I was cool with that. But now... all of a sudden... those 34s are feeling a bit too tight. Especially when they are fresh out of the laundry! Ugh! I feel like a sausage!!... and then... there it goes again... "recalculating"...

But it's not just the weight thing... there are so many ways to get off course. Like... during the winter months, it's dark and cold and wet and... I don't walk as much as normal. And then as the days get longer, come February and March, I get out walking more and I feel like a total slug.... "recalculating"...

Or I let the meditation habit slip away... cause I'm feeling soooo good! And then the days and weeks go by until final I have a complete meltdown and lament the state of my life and my emotions and... "recalculating"...

I know that if I neglect my daily writing habit... or my daily walk in the forest habit... I can coast for a while without them... getting further and further away from my ideal path... but eventually... I'll have one of those meltdowns.

The thing is... the GPS informs me pretty quick that I am off course with her prissy "recalculating". That doesn't happen in the analogue world. In real life... you don't realize you're off course until you're well and truly lost! It's not like a quick u-turn is going to get me back on the path quickly. Nope... for any of these issues... it's going to require me to put some serious effort and concentrated focus into getting back on track.

When you're driving a car... and you're on the straight stretch... yes, you can take your hands off the wheel for a moment or too... or even for a long moment and the car will just keep going straight. Unless you hit a pothole or a divot in the road. If that happens, all bets are off... But I wouldn't dream of taking my hands off the wheel when I'm on a winding, curvy or pothole-y road...

It's kind of like that in life. Everything is going great!! Life is smooth and straight and... I'll just take my hands off the wheel for a moment. I can ease up on all the habits of my life. I can have a brownie... or skip a walk... or skip some writing... for a day... or a week... But very quickly, I forget that life is not always straight and smooth and a pothole (life event) comes out of nowhere and... boom... I'm off course... maybe even in the ditch!

Soooo... the life lesson here is... don't take your hands off the steering wheel. Pay attention to what is going on in life... maybe a brownie once in a while (once a month) is OK... maybe not. Listen for those whispers of "recalculating"... before it gets to the point where you're lost in the woods and it's a major struggle to get back on track.