The Pause I Keep Forgetting

There are some days where you just need to stop.

And breathe.

Just one breath and then another. No matter what is going on, there is always a moment to just stop, and breathe.

I forget this. Often. I get carried away in my head and my thoughts and forget that I can stop it all and just breathe. That little pause is sometimes all that I need to regroup. Refocus. Come back to me.

I wish I could remember it more often. And more quickly. It's just one little breath and yet it can make all the difference.

I suppose it is just a matter of practice. The more I stop and breathe... the more I will remember to do it. But my system is really much better at tearing off trying to fix this, solve this, complete this, do this... Stopping to breathe seems rather counterproductive. Nothing gets done if one is doing nothing!! And breathing, to my mind, is most definitely "nothing". I mean, yes... breathing keeps us all alive but... other than that... nothing really gets accomplished when you breathe. Errands don't get done. Emails don't get written. Stuff just doesn't get done!

And yet, what am I slowly being remind of is this... sometimes you need to stop in order to get things done. When I am swept up in an efficiency, productivity tear... I can be like one of those hamsters in their little wheel. I get going faster and faster and faster and then a tiny mis-step and "fling"... the spinning wheel spins me off into the dust. Kind of an abrupt reminder that I need to slow-down, stop... and breathe.

But even when I do stop, and retire to Starbucks to "regroup". I often sit here and just scroll mindlessly on Facebook, or the news, or my emails, or Facebook, or the news, or... and on it goes. I get my to-do list organized. I answer emails. But I don't actually stop and... breathe.

For me, writing a blog like this is a way to stop... and breathe. Journaling can be the same. A walk. Sitting on a bench. Looking out a window.

Maybe that is all I am doing here. Not solving anything. Not fixing anything. Not checking something off a list.

Just stopping.

And breathing.

The Year I Stopped Trying to Do It All

Sometimes I just need a reality check. It's odd though, to get it from an Artificial Intelligence, and somehow, harder to ignore.

2025 was a shit year. Mom died. Aunt died. Someone else died. Dealing with Mom's estate. Clearing out her apartment. Going to her funeral and then the laying of the headstone. Grieving (oh yeah, grieving). Along with some health issues. And the Airbnb. Working 12 hour shifts on some gig work for a few months (out of town for some of it). And I don't even know what else.

In the middle of that, I was beating myself up for not being able to stay on top of our Airbnb social media and newsletter campaigns. And lamenting the fact that the 3 or 4 blogs I work on were falling by the wayside.

Looking back, the problem wasn’t that I wasn’t trying hard enough. It was that I was treating everything in my life as if it all needed to run at full speed, all year long.

I took my inadequacy to ChatGPT who, after a pregnant pause, suggested, quite sweetly, that I was expecting WAY too much of myself. There was NO WAY anyone could keep up the pace I had presented. In essence... it suggested I was just a tad out of touch with reality.

This idea that I can do anything... but I can't do everything... all of the time. That's a hard lesson to grasp. In my skewed memory, I had done anything and everything, all of the time. To the point that my mother-in-law saying, "Everyone needs a Gigi", was a badge of honour. Not only could I do everything I wanted to do... but I could do everything that everyone else wanted me to do! And some things that they didn't even know that they wanted me to do...

Yeah. Well. This year jerked that rug out from under my feet. That explained why I felt like I was lying flat on the floor pinned down by a mountain of grief and expectations and demands, pretty much all of it self-imposed.

I thought I just needed some time to get caught up. Hah! I thought I just needed some good mornings at Starbucks with a hot chocolate. Nope. I thought I just needed life to stop for a few days or a few weeks. Yeah, right. Since when has that ever happened.

There was no pathway through this murky year. And I was carrying wayyyy too much. Not just emotionally — but logistically. Everything was expected to keep going, regardless of what the season actually was. Too many expectations and demands. Too many of these laments... "but I used to be able to do all of this!!"... My partner tried to give me a reality check but it didn't really stick.

Someone bringing all of this to ChatGPT, and it's electronic objectivity, hit me hard. And, honestly, when I laid it all out for it... I could see it a bit more objectively as well. It gently suggested that it was no wonder I was overwhelmed and flirting with burnout. No one could maintain that pace. On top of that... it actually had a most helpful suggestion.

Rather than trying to keep all of my balls in the air, all of the time... why not think of my projects as "seasonal".

Say what?

You know... seasonal... so rather than trying to do Airbnb social media posts 3 times a week, 52 weeks a year... and failing miserably and crashing out in July... why not plan for that? Why not do social media posts from Christmas to end of July? We usually have a longer term booking in the fall anyhow, and don't really "need" social media then. Why not just run it for a "season".

Huh. Why not, indeed? Good question and... well... huh. It's kind of what happens anyhow. Because even though I buffer and pre-post things a month in advance, by the time July and August hit, we are in full-blown garden and high- Airbnb-turnover mode. Plus, I'm usually sick of trying to drum of social media content ideas by that point.

The seasonal idea is all about pacing... it's all about times of productivity and times of rest. It's about taking a break and coming back later with fresh ideas and new energy. 

And so we sat down and mapped out seasons for my various projects. The Airbnb social media season was mapped out. My espionage blog, which is insanely research heavy and can suck hours out of a day... that one got a season from August to December. I had had similar expectations with it... that I should be posting 1 blog a week for 52 weeks. Yeah. In reality, not happening. But for 6 months? Definitely doable.

One of the things I am a firm believer in is building buffers into things... or parking downhill. If can have one or two months of blog posts pre-scheduled... I have breathing room for when life throws a monkey wrench or a boomerang... or it just goes sideways. And with a gap of 4 or 5 months... it's easier to build in a buffer.

There were other projects, that only need output once a month, and those... we agreed... were better to keep going throughout the year. Like a monthly newsletter for our Airbnb. 

All a sudden, it all looked a bit more manageable. There was less self-imposed pressure. Less expectations of myself. Less shoulda/coulda/woulda. More breathing space. More rest space.

I was able to lay down some projects and say “not now”. I was able to look at my overwhelming to-do list and kick a number of things down the road and say “not this month”.

There were days in my calendar with nothing scheduled. I could sit back and read a book, or get up and go for a hike, without projects calling my name.

Did you know... "rest" is more than just sleeping or lying on the couch!

"Are you getting enough rest?"

"You need to rest more."

"Why don't you stop and rest?"

Have you heard any of those lines? Or said any of those lines? What does "rest" mean to you? If you're like me, "rest" means things like getting enough sleep (feeling well-rested), having a nap or stopping whatever it is I'm doing, getting off my feet and sitting on the couch Which usually then involves scrolling through my phone. At least I'm resting! Right?

Nope. Not entirely. You see... when we say "rest", we often mean physical rest. But how many of us, get our 7-9 hours of sleep every night and yet still wake up feeling exhausted. What gives? We're sleeping... shouldn't we feel rested?  Maybe we should sleep more? Like 10-12 hours? Nope... still not feeling well-rested. In fact, this tendency to equate sleep with rest can lead down a slippery slope to chronic fatigue and burnout.

As it turns out that there are seven (yup, 7!) different types of rest that we need. And Physical Rest is just one of those... Go figure... 

1. Physical Rest

There are two types of physical rest - active and passive. Passive rest is what we generally think of when we here the word "rest", things like sleeping, napping and getting off our feet. Active rest is things like yoga, stretching and massage. We are actually doing something, but it's something that rejuvenates our body, takes care of our body. 

2. Mental Rest

Have you ever lain in bed at night, desperately trying to fall asleep but with a gazillion thoughts scampering through your head? This is me... I have a heck of a time turning off my brain at night. I'm not getting a lot of mental rest. This might explain why I feel overwhelmed a lot during the day. I start to go faster and faster and my brain is whizzing around like a dervish. The trick here is to stop (just stop) and take breaks. And not smart phone breaks. Go for a little walk out in nature or putter around the garden for a bit. Because scrolling through the phone really doesn't give me a "mental" break... it just pokes the already spinning brain with more stuff. Another trick, for bedtime, is to keep a note pad on the nightstand and write down the ideas and thoughts that come and that I want to capture. I try to head this off at the pass by doing some journaling before bed, to do a brain dump and let go of all the stuff that is clogging my head.

3. Sensory Rest

 We live in a world with a LOT of sensory stimuli - televisions, computer screens, smart phones, tablets, dings and notifications, Zoom calls. All of it can lead to sensory overload. One way to deal with this is to close our eyes for a minute or so at various points during the day. Another way is to turn off all the screens a few hours before bedtime, to give your system time to decompress. This is one reason why a television in the bedroom is not the best option. Watching television in the evenings can leave us feeling exhausted and tired but it's not a type of tired that is going to be cured by sleep. What we really need is sensory rest. Interestingly, being out in nature, or in the garden, does not overload our senses but actually undoes the overload from all of our technological marvels.

4. Creative Rest

For people who produce creative work or need to solve problems and create new ideas (anything from writers to artists to computer designers to managers), we need to take time away from that and recharge our creative juices. Go to a museum or an art gallery, take a walk in a park, watch a sunset. Anything that is a source of inspiration. Personally, I like to have several books on the go at the same time and let those different ideas cross pollinate. This explains too, why we can get stuck, feel uninspired and unable to come up with bright ideas or solve problems. We need some creative rest. I already know this... when I get stuck with writing, what I really need to do is get out into nature or read a good book. I need to rest from the writing... but, man, do I ever resist that!

5. Emotional Rest 

"How are doing?" .... "Great! I'm just great!" Ever had one of those days? When you really feel like crap and yet... you put on a good front, maintain a stiff upper lift and keep your chin up. When really, inside... you're wanting to burst into tears or just scream with frustration. What we need then is emotional rest. A chance to be honest and authentic with our feelings. Maybe it's finding a friend with whom we can be honest, or perhaps we want to go and talk to a therapist. Emotional rest is also necessary for those of us who tend to say "yes" (to please someone else) when we really want to say "no". This is, honestly, a hard one for women, because we are so well-conditioned to take care of others at the expense of ourselves. No wonder we are so exhausted! We don't necessarily just need more sleep... we need emotional rest. One trick is this... when you get asked to do something, respond with "I need to think about it" or "I need to check my calendar" or "I need to check with my partner".

6. Social Rest

I kind of thought that this one would be right up an introvert's alley... taking a break from socializing! But it's more than that. It's surrounding yourself with positive and uplifting relationships and stepping away from the draining relationships. It's hard to listen to a Negative Nellie every day or to have that friend who talks your ear off but doesn't let you get in a word edgewise. Or who, when they ask you how you're doing, let you get out one sentence before they then hijack the conversation again and redirect it back to them. Yeah... we all have those people. Social rest means taking a break from those relationships that are not nurturing (for us)... and choosing relationships that refuel us.

7. Spiritual Rest

Spiritual rest is all about connecting to something bigger than yourself. This can take place through meditation, formal community spiritual gatherings or altruistic works, like volunteering in your community. It's a chance to connect with something in which we feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance and purpose.

Sooo... what have we learned? Well... for one thing, rest is not about vegging out on the sofa, watching TV for 12 hours, or doing some mindless activity. And... rest doesn't just happen by itself. It requires us to get in tune with ourselves and figure out, where are my rest deficits? What would help me "rest" right now? It is a nap? A walk in the woods? Puttering around in the garden? Some meditation? In order to really replenish ourselves, we need to actually carve out some time in our day to schedule restorative activities... different forms of rest.

Sources

I first came across the concept of Seven Types of Rest from a CBC news article. Some more digging led me to a TED talk by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, a physician. She has written a book about the topic called "Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity". The book was published in 2017 but I'm going to see if I can get it from the library. Nope, just checked and they don't have it. Going to have to order it... Done... bought the ebook via Kobo.

Dalton-Smith also has a RestQuiz on her site... and I decided to take the quiz. Here are my results...

My RestQuiz Scores

"Based on your input, the type of rest with the highest score is the one you should focus on. It is the primary type of rest you are missing in your life.

• 0-15: You are getting adequate rest in this area if you score
• 16-25: You are experiencing rest in this area but would thrive with more
• 26-35: You are feeling the effects of your lack of rest and need a change
• >35: Your life is negatively affected by your lack of rest in this area. "

My Category Scores

Sensory Rest Score: 37 - yup - need lots of this...
Emotional Rest Score: 36 - oops... need some of this
Mental Rest Score: 34 - yup, need some of this too...
Creative Rest Score: 34 - and this too
Physical Rest Score: 30 - need some good old fashioned rest - sleeping better would be great
Social Rest Score: 26 - need a change
Spiritual Rest Score: 17 - pretty good

Right then... I need emotional rest (expressing my emotions and saying "no"), sensory rest (less screen time), mental rest (taking a few breaks throughout the day and shutting off my brain at night) and creative rest (walking in nature). Those are all pretty much in a clump from 34-37. Surprisingly, spiritual rest was my best area! And this for a lapsed Catholic who doesn't go to any form of group spiritual event! I must be doing something right...

P.S. I bought the book and the first part, detailing the seven different types of rest is pretty good. The second half is heavy on the Christianity and not quite as useful.