The Wind Phone

Grief is a funny thing. It wants to come out and, like water, finds every little crack and crevice.  And we, strange creatures that we are, try to prevent it from coming out at "awkward" moments. At least I do. "Now is not a good time." "I need to be alone, when life has calmed down, when I have space and time to grieve."

Hah.

Grief will come out, no matter how much we may try to patch the cracks and crevices and redirect it into a more discreet pathway. It is, ultimately, a good thing, to let grief find expression, to give it free rein to say the things that we need to say. To cry the tears we never cried. To rage and roar against the stupidity of fate and death.

But it's still not an easy thing.

A few weeks ago, watching the news, I saw a little piece about phoning loved ones, from an old rotary phone mounted on a random telephone pole in Vancouver. Just pick up the receiver and dial their number, waiting for the dial to make its slow return to the starting position. Call them up to tell them that you love them. Or miss them. Or are thinking of them. Of course, the phone is not connected to anything. Rotary phones are now quaint, nostalgic items and, dare I say it, antiques. There is no one on the other end of the line, but that's not the point.

Sometimes, all we need to do is say what we need to say. Without any response. No interruptions. No fear of a reaction. No hurt feelings. Just say what needs to be said and then listen to the wind and the silence and know that you have been heard.

Kind of funky.

These types of phones have a name—wind phones. They started in Japan a decade or more ago, as a way for people to express their grief. We are all so good at bottling it up, containing it, hiding it. Don't let it show. Because after 3 months, shouldn't we be "over it"? After a year, or two, should we not have moved on from grieving? But grief is not a "One and Done" thing. Oh sure, there are the big ones like the death of a loved one, or the death of a beloved pet, or the loss of a job, or a serious health diagnosis. Sometimes those larger losses give all of the accumulated griefs a chance to find expression... the little day-to-day hurts that we keep letting go of, moving on from, pushing aside, or diminishing. We can feel them beneath the surface, searching for the crack that will give them expression.

I did a search for "wind phones" and there's a whole website that lists the location of these conduits, the nearest official one to me being on one of the Gulf Islands. But then... I saw a local news article and... we have our very own wind phone!! At the local cemetery, as part of an art installation.

I dithered for a day or so... and then early one morning, at 5 am, I drove to the cemetery. The wind phone is in a little carved wooden cubby that brings to mind waves and ripples. It's a wall-mounted rotary phone... and as I picked it up and dialed my Mom's old phone number, the tears welled up. And I cried and sobbed and told her how hard it's been, this past year. How I missed her. How I wished we could have talked more about the DNA surprise. I didn't have long, because the automated sprinklers came on and the tears were mingling with the water spray... but it was a relief.

To be able to "speak" to her... and though there was no response... I felt heard.

And I will go back... and time it for after the sprinklers...

Resources

Wind Phones website - https://www.mywindphone.com/

Responsible, Bossy, or Both?

If you're not an eldest daughter, you don't necessarily need to keep reading. Unless, of course, you want to get a sneak peek into what's going on in your older sister's head. If so, definitely keep reading!

I came across an article on The Atlantic the other day that gave me pause. It sounded like they were talking about me... "The Plight of the Eldest Daughter" with the tag line "Women are expected to be nurturers. Firstborns are expected to be exemplars. Being both is exhausting."

Yes! I get it! I am an eldest daughter and as I read the article, I found myself agreeing wholeheartedly. This line, in particular, had me nodding vigorously:

"Being an eldest daughter means frequently feeling like you’re not doing enough, like you’re struggling to maintain a veneer of control, like the entire household relies on your diligence."

Ouch.

This is me. Totally.

I never feel like I'm doing enough, and yet I am always on the edge of overwhelm. I feel responsible for whatever goes on in our household (and sometimes other households). I believe that if I slip up, if I miss something, then the entire world is going to come down around my ears.

It's a relief to know that this is not just a "me" thing, but actually an "other people have this too" thing. Parents often expend a lot more effort on their first child, trying to "get it right". They expect more of Child 1 in terms of grades, career, health. By the time Child 2 comes along, the parents have relaxed and eased up on the micro-managing. Although parents still tend to load more responsibility on the first child. The eldest is expected to be a good example, to lead the way, to care for the younger one(s), to be a support for the mother. Add in the fact that girls/women are expected to be nurturers and it's easy to see the sticky trap of eldest daughter syndrome.

When my Dad could no longer live independently in another city, who offered to have him move into the basement suite. Moi. When he passed away, who took care of his estate? Me. When Mom passed away, who took care of her estate? Yep, me again. Who steps up over and over again to shoulder responsibility? Yeah. Me.

Yeah. It's exhausting.

And maybe it's a combo of several beliefs. Perhaps I don't believe that my younger sibling can do the job as well as I can do it. (Hello, Perfectionism) Or maybe I believe that since I don't have kids and a busy job like she does, it makes more sense to take this on because she's going to push back anyhow. (Yup, People-Pleaser)

Whatever it is, it is a well-worn track in my brain, a pattern that just snaps into place as soon as something shows up on the horizon.

A situation or problem needs to be handled? Obviously it is MINE to handle.

Even if it really doesn't involve me directly. 

Yes, eldest daughters struggle with boundaries.

Which may be why... when asked to describe the qualities of firstborns, people who are firstborns will choose words like "responsible" and "leadership", whereas people who are NOT firstborns will mutter words like "bossy" and "over-controlling". Um. Yeah. Possibly.

We first-borns are raised to take charge, to take responsibility, to lead the way, to set an example, to handle what needs handling. But I am seeing more and more that, eventually, it leads me into a nasty cul-de-sac of over-functioning, exhaustion and resentment.

It's not a pleasant realization, but now that I've seen it, I'm hopeful that I can alter the pattern. Even just a pause between seeing a responsibility and taking it on.

A pause during which I can ask "Is this mine?" And listen for the answer.

More Reading

What Is Eldest Daughter Syndrome? A Therapist Breaks it Down

The Atlantic article - needs a subscription - The Plight of the Oldest Sister - The Atlantic

The Pause I Keep Forgetting

There are some days where you just need to stop.

And breathe.

Just one breath and then another. No matter what is going on, there is always a moment to just stop, and breathe.

I forget this. Often. I get carried away in my head and my thoughts and forget that I can stop it all and just breathe. That little pause is sometimes all that I need to regroup. Refocus. Come back to me.

I wish I could remember it more often. And more quickly. It's just one little breath and yet it can make all the difference.

I suppose it is just a matter of practice. The more I stop and breathe... the more I will remember to do it. But my system is really much better at tearing off trying to fix this, solve this, complete this, do this... Stopping to breathe seems rather counterproductive. Nothing gets done if one is doing nothing!! And breathing, to my mind, is most definitely "nothing". I mean, yes... breathing keeps us all alive but... other than that... nothing really gets accomplished when you breathe. Errands don't get done. Emails don't get written. Stuff just doesn't get done!

And yet, what am I slowly being remind of is this... sometimes you need to stop in order to get things done. When I am swept up in an efficiency, productivity tear... I can be like one of those hamsters in their little wheel. I get going faster and faster and faster and then a tiny mis-step and "fling"... the spinning wheel spins me off into the dust. Kind of an abrupt reminder that I need to slow-down, stop... and breathe.

But even when I do stop, and retire to Starbucks to "regroup". I often sit here and just scroll mindlessly on Facebook, or the news, or my emails, or Facebook, or the news, or... and on it goes. I get my to-do list organized. I answer emails. But I don't actually stop and... breathe.

For me, writing a blog like this is a way to stop... and breathe. Journaling can be the same. A walk. Sitting on a bench. Looking out a window.

Maybe that is all I am doing here. Not solving anything. Not fixing anything. Not checking something off a list.

Just stopping.

And breathing.

My Accidental Analogue Bag

Have you heard of the latest trend that is taking social media by storm?? I heard about it on the radio... a thing called "analogue bags".

What the heck is an analogue bag, you ask? Well, it is a bag (tote bag, backpack, shopping bag) filled with "analogue" activities so that when you are "somewhere" and feel tempted to pull out your phone and scroll the latest trends on TikTok, you can stop, reach into your analogue bag and pull out something that entertains you in the real world.

It is not lost on me that millions of viewers are scrolling social media looking for analogue bag ideas... it kind of defeats the purpose. Not to mention trendy influencers are promoting fancy bags and fancy analogue gear.

The truth is... it doesn't take much to make an analogue bag. I have my backpack sitting here next to me in Starbucks and it has several analogue things inside of it.

I have a journal and a pen so that I can write whenever the urge hits me. I've tried digital journals and always come back to a paper journal and a real pen.

I've also got a ziploc bag with a selection of greeting cards, as well as some stamps. Nothing more analogue than putting a letter into a mailbox... spelling mistakes and everything!

I also have a book, a real book, as well as an ebook. I'm not sure if an ebook counts as "analogue". Technically it is digital, but it's not connected to the deep black holes of social media and the news sites sooo... it is kind of a mono-purpose device where I can read a book. I wouldn't count the Kindle or Libby apps on my phone though... too easy to slip over to some other app!

That's already three analogue items so I'm not doing too bad... and I've been doing this for years. Imagine... me... ahead of the trend by years! And I would imagine other people have been carrying analogue bags for years... they just never had a trendy name for them.

Now... some of the other ideas are interesting to consider. Some people include a hobby in their bag - like knitting, crocheting or embroidery. If that floats your boat... go for it. Not my cup of tea. I'm more into photography and if I had a "real" camera, it would definitely count as analogue but... if my phone is my camera... does that count? If I just do the double-click to open the camera app and don't unlock the phone... maybe.

Other people include things like crossword books or search-a-word books or Sudoku. Interesting thought. You could do a crossword with a friend in a coffee shop. I think a deck of cards might be a good idea. Play a game of Solitaire in real life instead of the digital world. Or even UNO which could be played with a friend over dinner.

Or it could be something creative like a mini-watercolour set, an adult colouring book or a sketch pad, along with an assortment of colouring and drawing tools.

Or maybe it's a magazine (do they even exist anymore) or a trade journal. That copy of Time magazine that has been sitting on the couch for days... maybe it needs to go in the bag?

My analogue bag (aka office backpack) isn't pretty or chic. It's definitely not "on-trend" and isn't going to make anyone swoon with envy. But then, it doesn't have to. I like to have these things available to me, and it really doesn't matter if they are fancy or chic... that's not my vibe or style... which is more... use it till it dies a sad and tattered death.

Do you have an Analogue Bag? If so, what does it carry? Curious to know! Does it travel with you? Or is it more an Analogue Basket that sits next to the sofa?

No Replay Button

I went to a hockey game a few weeks ago. Not a "big" game like the NHL, the Olympics, or the World Championships. This was the BC Junior Hockey League. I had never been to a live hockey game before, but as part of my ongoing effort this year to try new things, I thought: why not?

Although, on second thought, I "may" have been to a Vancouver Canucks game back in the '80s. Maybe. But if I did go, I sat in the nose bleed section where my friends and I watched ant-like players slithering around in a tiny oval chasing a black speck.

The local rink however, only has 13 rows that seat a total of 2500 spectators. I got a seat in the 9th row, behind the penalty box. When I arrived, I was immediately struck by the size of everything. The rink was big. The Zamboni was huge! And there were the sounds and smells of the place—the scent of popcorn and that unmistakable rink smell. This is a completely different experience from watching a game on TV... or from the nosebleed sections of a "big leagues" stadium. This felt up close and personal.

The game I was attending was a playoff game between the Nanaimo Clippers and the Prince George Spruce Kings so the arena was packed with boisterous fans. A few from the Spruce Kings, but the majority were dedicated Clippers fans wearing variations of orange jerseys.

It was a social atmosphere with season tickets holders chatting with others several rows up or down. And as the game started, the atmosphere was electric. Everything was bigger than life. The smack of the puck against a stick on a rink-wide pass was much louder than I expected. I could hear the players calling back and forth. The crowd would boo a penalty call against the Clippers and someone would start a chant "Ref You Suck". A goal by the visiting team was met with a disappointed silence whereas a goal by the Clippers was met with a roar of approval, a huge blast of the arena horn and flashing lights. Not to mention the cow bells and other noise makers that fans had brought with them.

Sometimes I missed the details of a penalty. I might have been following the puck and was often surprised by the whistle. A penalty? For what?? Where was the replay??

But there was no big screen jumbotron. There was no replay. Sometimes the two guys next to me would discuss the penalty and I would get a sense of what had happened but it struck me... this was very much like "real life".

The game couldn't be put on pause. There were no replays. No way to hit "rewind" and watch it again. There was also no play-by-play commentary. There was no explanation of what was happening on the ice. If I missed something... then it was gone. Forever. It took me at least a period, maybe two, to shake the sense there should be a replay button.

A live hockey game, even in the junior leagues, is very different from a televised game. Even though I went on my own, I was absorbed into the crowd atmosphere. I cheered and roared with the rest of the fans when the Clippers scored. It's not the same at home. Even with the biggest TV screen (which we do not have), there is no substitute for the real thing. 

It's the difference between participating and watching. At home, we watch TV. We don't participate in whatever we are watching. At a game, even as a "fan", we are participating. We are "there". We are part of the crowd. We are a fan. We are part of the event. All of our senses are engaged. It's a full body experience. At home... not so much. And I see why people have game parties, or go to a pub to watch the big game. It is a bit like "being there"... it re-creates the fan experience, a little bit. Being surrounded by like-minded folk who are rooting for the same team.

But nothing can replace the "live" experience. And it makes me wonder... where do I do this in my own life? How often do I watch gardening videos instead of going out into my own garden? How often do I read about places instead of visiting them? How often do I watch a home make-over instead of picking up a paint brush? How often do I trade participating for observing? Or creating for consuming?

We come to believe that life can be put on "pause" or we can hit "replay" and watch it over and over again. But that's not how life works. There is no pause or instant replay. There is only this moment... where we can choose to step in and engage with whatever is happening, or we can choose to retreat and just watch, from a distance, through a third-party mediator. Through a lens or a screen.

And perhaps that is the crux... at a live hockey game, I get to decide what I am watching. Whether it's the play, or a funny fan, or the Zamboni going round and round the rink in mesmerizing loops. On a screen... someone else determines the scene, the angle, the speed, the focus.

I'm not saying it's not worth it... to be able to watch the Olympic gold medal hockey game on TV, for free. But if that's all we do... if that's our mode-of-engagement with life, with "events"... something gets lost.

From Pebbles to Mountains: How Small Actions Build Success

***This post has been in Drafts for three years... time to finish it off and publish!!***

A few weekends ago I decided it was time to mow the lawns. That's all. Just mow the front yard and the back yard.

Things turned out waaaayyyy differently than I planned... and it all started with one small step... and then another...

The front lawn was relatively easy and took less than an hour. But the back yard... sigh... not so much.

The Problem of the Kayak

You see, we had our deck replaced a few months ago, which meant the kayak, that normally hangs off the deck joists had to be moved out of the way. Since then, the kayak has been sitting along one side of the yard, with grass growing quite happily in its shelter.

In order to mow the back yard... I needed to move the kayak and hang it back up under the deck. Seemed easy enough... just get the big eye-bolts, screw them into the joists and hang the kayak up with bungy cords.

But wait... not so fast.

The Problem of the Soil

You see, when we had the perimeter drain done last year, they back-filled the soil a little too close to the stucco above the concrete foundation. The whole back yard slopes gently towards the house, but under the deck, it's a bit more noticeable.

Our deck contractor suggested installing a little retaining wall under the deck so that we could pull the soil back from the foundation and create a bit of a gap between the soil and the stucco.

The retaining wall would be going right below where the kayak normally hangs... which meant... that in order to hang the kayak, I really needed to put in the retaining wall first. Otherwise, I'd have no head room to dig...

Eyeing the rock-hard soil under the deck (we are endowed with a lot of clay and rocks in our subsoil)... I shuddered to think of how hard that would be to dig with a shovel... until, while lying in bed at night, fretting about this... I remembered a wondrous tool... the pick-ax!

I woke up Friday morning with visions of the pick-ax in my head, grabbed it out of the shed and scrambled under the deck. Let's see... retaining wall to be installed between the new concrete pillars supporting the back end of the deck... Alright, let's hack all this stuff on the house-ward side of that line. I started chipping away and... that pick-ax loosened up the rock-hard soil like nobody's business!

I hacked and shoveled and burrowed my way down so that we had about 6 inches of freeboard below the stucco. The pile of dirt generated by this mole-work was quite stunning and I was a bit concerned about where it would all go but... it all worked out. I gathered up the extra concrete blocks that we have been using and reusing around the yard and started building my little retaining wall. I've found that filling them with rocks makes them virtually immovable. Our property is blessed with lots and lots of rocks... big and small... so finding enough rocks was NOT a problem.

As the wall took shape, I back-filled some of the dug out soil until... voila... the soil pile was pretty much gone.

What had seemed like a huge, massive task took me less than a day... just one step at a time.

The sloping ground under the deck was now relatively flattish, with a nice little two-block high retaining wall near the house. It wasn't quite finished as I had run out of concrete blocks and needed a handful of the half-blocks to fill in some gaps but... heck, it looked good!

Now... I can hang up the kayak under the deck!

The Problem of the View

Nope... not so fast... you see there's a basement window that looks out under the deck... a bedroom window from our AirBnb. It's not a great view for guests, although it did look better with the new retaining wall and all the soil raked smooth... But my partner had this bright idea of buying a load of gravel and distributing it under the deck. Maybe with a dry river bed on top to add some visual interest.

Sooo... before I hung the kayak and obstructed the only full-height access... I considered the idea of this dry river bed. I was not keen on the idea of ordering a load of gravel for many reasons: cost, logistics, carting it to the back yard by the bucketful... etc. etc. Nope, I had a better idea... using our in-house rocks...

When the perimeter drain was redone last year, the diggers excavated all around the house and then backfilled the soil they had dug out. In that process... they turned everything upside down. Our garden beds along the front of the house and the driveway were no longer topsoil but a rock-strewn mess of subsoil. I spent much of last spring sifting through the beds and pulling out buckets of rocks... graded by size of course... big rocks in this milk crate, medium rocks in this bucket... little rocks in these buckets. At the time, I wondered if sorting the rocks might be overkill but... nope.

By the time all was said and done last spring, I had four milk crates of big rocks, massive black nursery tubs full of medium rocks and buckets and buckets of smaller rocks. Some stored in the what we call the Back 40... some stored under the laurel bush, some stored by the potting bench. And... this spring, I had started a new pile of random rocks along the back fence, having run out of room elsewhere. Rocks, rocks and more rocks... who needs a load of gravel when you have rocks??

The Solution is Rocks

And so began a massive haulage project. I mapped out the outline of the dry riverbed on the soil under the deck, using the larger rocks, and got the stamp of approval from my partner for its shape and flow. Then I began dumping rocks all around the outline of the river bed - first the bigger "feature" rocks and then the medium rocks, filling in the gaps... finishing off with the smaller pebbles.

Milk crates, tubs, buckets, wheelbarrows of rocks but... believe it or not... we had barely enough rocks to finish the project. There isn't a single bucket of rocks left in the yard and now we have a tonne of empty buckets back in circulation for the garden!

Oh wait... not quite finished with rocks... my partner wanted to use some blue-stone pebbles from a local beach to populate the river bed. So we drove to the beach park (shhh)... and surreptitiously filled two backpacks with pebbles and hauled them back to the truck (twice). Blue-stone pebbles poured into dry river bed and... we're done!

Not quite... we still want to add even more visual interest to the dry river bed and rock expanse... like little painted rock houses and fairy garden tchotchkes... but that can come at a later date. For now... it's good enough... not bad for a few days worth of hard slogging... Partner's happy with the dry river bed and I'm happy to have emptied my massive stockpile of rocks. Knew they would come in handy for something someday!

And all it took was a number of small steps... just hack up the soil, just lay the concrete blocks, just move the soil, just move a bucket of rocks. Every move was a small step, but together they add up to an impressive accomplishment. Something for me to remember.

Can I hang up the kayak now? And mow the hay field that is our back lawn?

Making a Difference: UN's 12 Steps for Everyday Environmentalists

I'm always searching for ways that we, the regular folk, can help mitigate climate change. It always seems like the problems are so big, and we are so small, that nothing we do makes a difference.

Which is kind of depressing.

But the United Nations has some very good ideas - their 12 Actions for a Healthy Planet.

It gives me hope that we can turn this Titanic around before we end up sinking ourselves.

1. Save energy at home

Much of our electricity and heat are powered by coal, oil and gas.

We can use less energy by:

• reducing our heating and cooling use,
• switching to LED light bulbs and energy-efficient electric appliances,
• washing our laundry with cold water,
• hanging things to dry instead of using a dryer.

Improving our home’s energy efficiency, through better insulation for instance, or replacing our oil or gas furnace with an electric heat pump can reduce our carbon footprint by up to 900 kilograms of CO2e per year.

This is imminently doable. We love our solar and wind powered dryer (a.k.a. the clothesline and drying rack). And we did make the switch to a heat pump which seriously reduced our electricity consumption compared to the old electric baseboard heaters.

2. Switch Home Energy Source

We could ask our utility company if our home energy comes from oil, coal or gas. If possible, we could see if a switch to renewable sources such as wind or solar is possible. Or we could install solar panels on the roof to generate energy for our home. Switching our home from oil, gas or coal-powered energy to renewable sources of energy, such as wind or solar, can reduce our carbon footprint by up to 1.5 tons of CO2e per year. Here, in British Columbia, the vast majority of our electricity comes from hydro-electric dams. Given the controversy over the Site C dam expansion though, we can see the need for reducing our electricity use. 

3. Walk, bike or take public transport

The world’s roadways are clogged with vehicles, most of them burning diesel or gasoline. Walking or riding a bike instead of driving will reduce greenhouse gas emissions -- and help our health and fitness. For longer distances, we could consider taking a train or bus. And carpool whenever possible. Living car-free can reduce our carbon footprints by up to 2 tons of CO2e per year compared to a lifestyle using a car. 

I'd like to say that I rode my bike around town this summer but... I did not. I'll try again next spring.

4. Switch to an electric vehicle

If you plan to buy a car, consider going electric, with more and cheaper models coming on the market. In many countries, electric cars help reduce air pollution and cause significantly fewer greenhouse gas emissions than gas or diesel-powered vehicles. But many electric cars still run on electricity produced from fossil fuels, and the batteries and engines require rare minerals which often come with high environmental and social costs. Switching from a gasoline or diesel-powered car to an electric vehicle can reduce your carbon footprint by up to 2 tons of CO2e per year. A hybrid vehicle can save you up to 700 kilograms of CO2e per year.

Given that our electricity in BC comes from hydro-electric dams, not fossil fuels, switching to an electric car from a gasoline vehicle would make a huge difference. The trick is finding one!

5. Consider your travel

Airplanes burn large amounts of fossil fuels, producing significant greenhouse gas emissions. That makes taking fewer flights one of the fastest ways to reduce your environmental impact. When you can, meet virtually, take a train, or skip that long-distance trip altogether. Taking one less long-haul return flight can reduce your carbon footprint by up to almost 2 tons of CO2e. 

This one makes me want to cry! Our train service in Western Canada is pathetic and ridiculously expensive. Compared to Europe, we live in the Dark Ages. And our huge distances means that driving or flying is the only way to get somewhere in a reasonable amount of time within a reasonable budget. And I don't even want to think about the Mexican vacation...

6. Reduce, reuse, repair and recycle

Electronics, clothes, plastics and other items we buy cause carbon emissions at each point in production, from the extraction of raw materials to manufacturing and transporting goods to market. To protect the climate, buy fewer things, shop second-hand, and repair what you can. Plastics alone generated 1.8 billion metric tonnes of greenhouse gas emissions in 2019 – 3.4 per cent of the global total. Less than 10 per cent is recycled, and once plastic is discarded, it can linger for hundreds of years. Buying fewer new clothes – and other consumer goods – can also reduce your carbon footprint. Every kilogram of textiles produced generates about 17 kilograms of CO2e.

We do this!!! I think the only new clothing we buy is underwear, socks and sometimes hiking boots. Everything else we get secondhand. New clothing is soooo expensive and Fast Fashion means the latest trends will be out-of-date within a few months. We don't buy into that cycle. We also try to buy things second-hand. Facebook Marketplace is our friend! And we sell things there too, or give them away. Much better that our things find a second or even third or fourth home.

7. Eat more vegetables

Eating more vegetables, fruits, whole grains, legumes, nuts, and seeds, and less meat and dairy, can significantly lower your environmental impact. Producing plant-based foods generally results in fewer greenhouse gas emissions and requires less energy, land, and water. Shifting from a mixed to a vegetarian diet can reduce your carbon footprint by up to 500 kilograms of CO2e per year (or up to 900 kilograms for a vegan diet).

We do this too! We have added a little bit of chicken and fish back into our diet, for health reasons. But we still eat a tonne of legumes and other veg.

8. Throw away less food

When you throw food away, you're also wasting the resources and energy that were used to grow, produce, package, and transport it. And when food rots in a landfill, it produces methane, a powerful greenhouse gas. So purchase only what you need, use what you buy and compost any leftovers. Cutting your food waste can reduce your carbon footprint by up to 300 kilograms of CO2e per year. 

We try to do this too! Although we're always amazed at how food can get lost in a fridge and then make an appearance when it is ugly and moldy.

9. Plant native species

If you have a garden or even just a plant or two outside your home, check for native species. Use a plant identification app to help. And then think about replacing non-natives, especially any considered invasive. Plants, animals and insects depend on each other. Most insects will not eat non-native plants, which means birds and other species lose a food source. Biodiversity suffers. Even a single tree or shrub can offer a refuge – just remember to skip insecticides and other chemicals.

We do this too!! No insecticides for us. Er... well... maybe some wasp spray into a wasp nest that is proving to be problematic after multiple stings. But other than that, we don't spray pesticides on our garden, or Round-up on our weeds. 

10. Clean up your environment

Humans, animals and plants all suffer from land and water contaminated by improperly discarded garbage. Use what you need, and when you have to throw something out, dispose of it properly. Educate others to do the same, and participate in local clean-ups of parks, rivers, beaches and beyond. Every year, people throw out 2 billion tons of trash. About a third causes environment harms, from choking water supplies to poisoning soil.

I try to bring a plastic bag with me on my hikes and walks. And then pick up garbage as I come across it. Lately, I've been noticing a lot of full dog poop bags discarded in the bush along one of our favourite trails. Seriously... dog owners who do this are only slightly lower on the stupidity totem pole than cigarette smokers who discard their butts.

11. Make your money count

Everything we spend money on affects the planet. You have the power to choose which goods and services you support. To reduce your environmental impact, choose products from companies who use resources responsibly and are committed to cutting their gas emissions and waste. If you have money that is being invested for you, through a pension fund for instance, it may be supporting fossil fuels or deforestation. Making sure your savings are invested in environmentally sustainable businesses can greatly reduce your carbon footprint.

This one is a bit of a hard one. I know many of our Canadian banks are heavily invested in fossil fuels and other industries that are not friendly to the environment.  Will have to research this in more detail.

12. Speak up

Speak up and get others to join in taking action. It's one of the quickest and most effective ways to make a difference. Talk to your neighbors, colleagues, friends, and family. Let business owners know you support bold changes – from plastics-free products and packaging to zero-emissions vehicles. Appeal to local and world leaders to act now. Climate action is a task for all of us. And it concerns all of us. No one can do it all alone – but we can do it together.

This is true. If we all complained about plastic labels on craft beer cans... maybe the industry would change.

Conclusion

There are things we can do that do make a difference. And if more of us... or most of us... or all of us... started to make the same changes, or demand the same changes... then we would be a powerful force for change in the world. Look at Greta Thunberg! One person... and the movement that she inspired.

You can read more about the 12 Actions via the link below. There are other resources as well.

12 Actions for a healthy planet | United Nations

Falling Off the Wagon: How to Bounce Back After a Sugar Slip-Up

Well, I lasted about 10 days sugar-free before caving in the face of a vegan dark chocolate truffle cake. My partner and I took my niece on a spa getaway and... we had 3 charcuterie boards, one of which was a dessert board. I could pass on the cheesecake with ease... and the poached pear... but the truffle cake? Nope. I was a goner.

But hey... it's just one blip, right? Well, 3 days later, they wanted to get DQ for themselves and I drove my niece there... and caved in the face of a Peanut Buster Parfait.

That same evening, after I dropped off the niece at the ferry... I stopped at the grocery store to get a RitterSport bar.

So... what does this tell me? Well... once the door opens a crack... you either gotta slam it shut or... the floodgates open!!

The other thing I learned... or relearned... is that it is really, really hard to maintain an eating plan (sugar-free) when you are surrounded by people who are happily munching away on sugary treats. That requires a level of self-discipline and will-power that... just... is beyond me. 

And yes... I did make it 10 days. And no... this doesn't have to derail me. Although it does feel a bit like I am derailed. I need to remind myself of "why" I am staying away from the sugar... because it is poison to my body. It generates inflammation which is toxic for Hashimoto's syndrome. I just find it really hard to remember the why when I am staring the menu in DQ and wondering... why do they both get treats and I am left to munch on almonds?

Maybe if I saw the sugary concoctions as harmfully poisonous to my body, I might have a different relationship to sugar. For example, I have never been tempted to smoke, either regular cigarettes or marijuana. Why? Because I like my brain cells and want to keep them sharp. It's glaringly obvious to me that smoking, of any sort, is seriously bad for one's health. Sooooo... no temptation there. Not even when people seem to be relaxed and having fun from smoking whatever.

Now, to just shift that mode to sugar... its effects are similar to a drug... so can I treat it the same way? See it for what it is? A substance that is harmful to my well-being? Perhaps that would work. But I'd really have to modify and work against 50+ years of conditioning which tells me that sugar is a reward for being good... or doing good things... or a treat for celebrations.

But I see the shape of the wolf in sheep's clothing... most times. Can I just keep my focus on that when faced with chocolate truffles and ice cream? Fingers crossed... 

Jar Etiquette is a Thing - Are you a Skimmer or a Gouger?

When my Dad was struggling with dementia, he received home support services. One of the tasks they helped him with was making him breakfast. He liked to have peanut butter on crisp bread. Which seems fairly innocuous but... after the home support worker had left, Dad phoned me to come down.

They had done something quite horrible, at least for him. He opened up his peanut butter jar and showed me how they had gouged the peanut butter with the knife. They just dug into the peanut butter and the gouges were deeply disturbing to my Dad. He was very much a Skimmer, not a Gouger. He would take his knife and skim the peanut butter surface. Very neat and tidy.

At the time, overwhelmed as I was, I thought this was a very minor issue. But for my Dad, it was major.

Yes. Well... enter the honey pot. 100% Canadian - pure creamed honey. This is the hard honey, not the liquid stuff. And my partner and I both use the honey. It used to be that it was just me who used the honey, for my oatmeal. But then I shifted to berries in my oatmeal and now my partner is the one who is using it more.

The other day, I opened up the honey because we had run out of frozen berries for my oatmeal. And I found this... Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! Quel scandale!!! It's a travesty!! The honey has been... **gasp**... deeply gouged!!

And that was when I realized... I am a Skimmer, not a Gouger. At least not when it comes to creamed honey. See... you take your spoon and you skim the surface, all the way down to the bottom. Although, as you get closer to the bottom, it's hard to get the right angle for skimming but... you get my point.

For me... and this is just for me... skimming is much easier. When you're trying to gouge that deep, the spoon gets stuck in the honey and it's hard to pull it out. Skimming is just easier... and neater and... well... better! Hmph.

Naturally, I skimmed the internet, looking to see if this "Skimmer vs Gouger" was a "thing". And the conclusion is... maybe.

I found this lovely image of a jar of peanut butter gouged all the way to the bottom, but only on half of the jar. Which is just strange until I realized... it was connected to a Calvin & Hobbes cartoon! 

Image from - https://imgur.com/W6O3AcY

You see... it appears that peanut butter (and honey) jar etiquette is a real thing. And when a household shares a jar of peanut butter (or honey), different perspectives and preferences often collide.

The cartoon reads like this:

• Panel 1 - Calvin exclaims in shock "AAUGH! The peanut butter is ruined!!"
• Panel 2 - Calvin grumbles: "You're supposed to scoop one half straight down and then dig out the other side from the bottom. So part of the top remains undisturbed until the very end."
• Panel 3 - Perplexed Mom "What on earth for?"  Calvin on his soapbox: "It's a ritual. You want to keep the top of the peanut butter smooth."
• Panel 4 - Irked Mom: "Maybe you should make your own sandwiches." Philosophical Calvin: "If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life. Did you cut the bread diagonally?"

Words of wisdom. Perhaps that's a s simple as it gets. If you can't control your peanut butter (or your honey), how can you ever hope to control your life.

Perhaps that's all we're really trying to do, just control our honey jar, so that we have a semblance of control over something. Although, I will have to check with my partner if the honey gouging is really designed to dig out the one side and then mine out the bottom of the other side. I rather doubt it. I think it was just random gouging. No desire to control life there.

I would agree with Calvin that the top of the honey needs to be smooth... hence my skimming technique!

Is there, however, a deeper philosophical meaning to this. Are Skimmers too shallow? Do we hesitate to sip deeply from the cup of life (or the honey jar of life)? Are Gougers deep thinkers? Do they dive deep into live and just splash around with glee, with no thought to order and neatness? I wonder...

I also wonder... are there other Skimmers or Gougers out there? Or is this just our household? And Calvin's household?

I Now Know How Long I can Run on a Fully Charged Internal Battery

Soooo... those who follow this blog know that I have been struggling sometimes with my internal battery. I'll go gang-busters and then crash when I run out of oomph. My emotions go in the toilet, my productivity falls off a cliff, I get completely overwhelmed and I wander around morosely in the Swamp of Confusion and Exhaustion.

I eventually find my way out of there by realizing that I need to put self-care first... not my work, not the Airbnb, not anything else.

So I'll start walking in the mornings and meditating and journaling and writing this blog. After a few weeks... everything is tickety-boo and I am happily motoring along again.

But then... I get cocky and I think... I'm doing soooo good!! I'll just start doing other stuff in the mornings and get caught up on this and caught up on that. So I'll drop the journaling (just for a "while"). I'll skip the blogging (just for "a day" or so). You know how it goes.

And things do continue tickety-boodle... I am feeling uber productive... getting tonnes of stuff done and feeling burbly and bubbly and then... slowly... that feeling starts dissipating. And I'll end up back in the Swamp of Confusion and Exhaustion.

Rinse. Repeat.

Sooo.. in the latest iteration of this... here's what I noticed.

I'm writing this on May 25... and I would say my battery is at maybe 5%. I noticed the drained feeling at least a week ago... let's say May10-14. I started thinking... hmmm... it's been a while since I journaled or wrote a blog... But I let it slide because I was still feeling pretty good. Just a mild bit of overwhelm... nothing to worry about. Yeah. Whatever. Anyhow, I would say my battery back then was maybe 20%?

Yesterday I had a look in my journal and my task tracker and it seems that April 10 was the last day I journaled or blogged. Not sure what happened after that but... there are a few sporadic journal pages but definitely not the regular journaling and definitely no blogging.

Sooo... with a full battery on April 10, I could run along happily for about a month before I started noticing I was getting low. I then ignored that early warning indicator and continued on my merry way for another 10-14 days... until yesterday when I realized... this is NOT good. So, 6 weeks before I crash.

Low Battery Indicator

You know how your laptop or phone sends out low battery warnings? It usually seems to happen when it's gotten to the critical point - like 5-7% battery remaining.

You need to drop everything you're doing and find the charging cord NOW and plug into an outlet. It's most annoying when you're traveling and electrical outlets are in short supply... like the airport!

It'd be nice if the devices would give us a notice at 25% and 10%, etc. Although... we'd probably just ignore it. "It's not critical... I've still got time."

But the older the device gets... and the older its battery gets... the quicker it will drain. My new laptop or phone could hold a charge forever! Now... I can't even get through one day before my phone screen is dimming at 5% battery left. What the heck? 

Maybe we're like that too? When we're young... we could hold a charge forever. It seemed like we just ran on air and sunshine and play and a bit of food. There was no talk of the Swamp of Confusion and Exhaustion (and overwhelm). But as we get older... that battery starts going funny on us. We need to recharge more often, with intentional things like journaling and nature and exercise or whatever it is that jazzes us up. It becomes non-negotiable... otherwise, we are just bopping around at 5-10% battery and never really getting to a full charge.

So... what's the lesson in all this for me? I can't ignore the 25% low battery warning. I have a better sense of what it feels like... and what I need to do about it. I'm hoping that I've recognized the 5% battery warning early enough that I can come out of this nose dive.

I did some journaling today. I'm writing a blog. I'll get out into the garden. I'll need to do this for several days... maybe even several weeks to really build up that internal battery charge.

And then? Well... I don't think I need to plug in for a full charge every day... maybe every second day? It's obvious that if my battery is fully charged, I can run for several weeks off of that. Not that I want to. So maybe journaling every day and blogging every second to third day? And an adventure hike every second or third day too?

I wish we had an indicator light for our internal battery. But we don't. So maybe I need to do a check-in every day. I need to do an internal assessment and ask the questions.. how am I doing? what's my battery feel like? how much do I need to re-charge? what could I do to re-charge?

It would be nice if I could actually learn this Life Lesson finally! And make a change in life that sticks and not keeping wandering mindlessly into the Swamp of Confusion and Exhaustion (and overwhelm).

The Bicycle Lives!!

Yes!! I did it!! I took my bike in to the shop (it fit in the hatchback). Win for me! Now... when I got there, the guy said they were booking for June 22 but... but... they could probably squeeze me in if I just left it there. Yes, please!

And then... less than a week later, I got the phone call that it was ready to pick up. I got a new gear shifter thingie and... I got tested for my sit bones. Which means I bought another bike saddle. They think the one I have is a bit old, worn out and a bit too soft. Your sit bones push down into the softness which then rebounds and pinches the soft tissue which... leads to sore butt.

OK... well... the saddle has a 30 day money back guarantee so I am going to give it a whirl and see how it goes. Apparently, a saddle that is too soft is not a good idea... so that is good to know. 

I am very proud of myself. I actually did it. Something that I have been meaning to do since last year... and the year before. Get the bike tuned up and get a new saddle. I now have no excuse. I can get on my bike and go for a bike ride. And if my butt hurts... then off to the bike shop I go for a new saddle. Fingers crossed that this one is the ticket!

It's always amazing to me how it is these small things... just figuring out if the bike fits into the hatchback... that keep me from doing things. It's a small thing to have a conversation with the bike shop staff and ask about getting my sit bones measured. And yet these small things keep me from doing so many big things

Because now... with a bike that works, I can pedal off to Starbucks in the mornings and:

1. get some exercise
2. reduce my carbon footprint
3. reduce my gasoline ($$) usage
4. get some exercise

It's a win-win-win all the way around. Fingers crossed it actually works!! So... yet another small step that yields big results.