The Wind Phone

Grief is a funny thing. It wants to come out and, like water, finds every little crack and crevice.  And we, strange creatures that we are, try to prevent it from coming out at "awkward" moments. At least I do. "Now is not a good time." "I need to be alone, when life has calmed down, when I have space and time to grieve."

Hah.

Grief will come out, no matter how much we may try to patch the cracks and crevices and redirect it into a more discreet pathway. It is, ultimately, a good thing, to let grief find expression, to give it free rein to say the things that we need to say. To cry the tears we never cried. To rage and roar against the stupidity of fate and death.

But it's still not an easy thing.

A few weeks ago, watching the news, I saw a little piece about phoning loved ones, from an old rotary phone mounted on a random telephone pole in Vancouver. Just pick up the receiver and dial their number, waiting for the dial to make its slow return to the starting position. Call them up to tell them that you love them. Or miss them. Or are thinking of them. Of course, the phone is not connected to anything. Rotary phones are now quaint, nostalgic items and, dare I say it, antiques. There is no one on the other end of the line, but that's not the point.

Sometimes, all we need to do is say what we need to say. Without any response. No interruptions. No fear of a reaction. No hurt feelings. Just say what needs to be said and then listen to the wind and the silence and know that you have been heard.

Kind of funky.

These types of phones have a name—wind phones. They started in Japan a decade or more ago, as a way for people to express their grief. We are all so good at bottling it up, containing it, hiding it. Don't let it show. Because after 3 months, shouldn't we be "over it"? After a year, or two, should we not have moved on from grieving? But grief is not a "One and Done" thing. Oh sure, there are the big ones like the death of a loved one, or the death of a beloved pet, or the loss of a job, or a serious health diagnosis. Sometimes those larger losses give all of the accumulated griefs a chance to find expression... the little day-to-day hurts that we keep letting go of, moving on from, pushing aside, or diminishing. We can feel them beneath the surface, searching for the crack that will give them expression.

I did a search for "wind phones" and there's a whole website that lists the location of these conduits, the nearest official one to me being on one of the Gulf Islands. But then... I saw a local news article and... we have our very own wind phone!! At the local cemetery, as part of an art installation.

I dithered for a day or so... and then early one morning, at 5 am, I drove to the cemetery. The wind phone is in a little carved wooden cubby that brings to mind waves and ripples. It's a wall-mounted rotary phone... and as I picked it up and dialed my Mom's old phone number, the tears welled up. And I cried and sobbed and told her how hard it's been, this past year. How I missed her. How I wished we could have talked more about the DNA surprise. I didn't have long, because the automated sprinklers came on and the tears were mingling with the water spray... but it was a relief.

To be able to "speak" to her... and though there was no response... I felt heard.

And I will go back... and time it for after the sprinklers...

Resources

Wind Phones website - https://www.mywindphone.com/

Responsible, Bossy, or Both?

If you're not an eldest daughter, you don't necessarily need to keep reading. Unless, of course, you want to get a sneak peek into what's going on in your older sister's head. If so, definitely keep reading!

I came across an article on The Atlantic the other day that gave me pause. It sounded like they were talking about me... "The Plight of the Eldest Daughter" with the tag line "Women are expected to be nurturers. Firstborns are expected to be exemplars. Being both is exhausting."

Yes! I get it! I am an eldest daughter and as I read the article, I found myself agreeing wholeheartedly. This line, in particular, had me nodding vigorously:

"Being an eldest daughter means frequently feeling like you’re not doing enough, like you’re struggling to maintain a veneer of control, like the entire household relies on your diligence."

Ouch.

This is me. Totally.

I never feel like I'm doing enough, and yet I am always on the edge of overwhelm. I feel responsible for whatever goes on in our household (and sometimes other households). I believe that if I slip up, if I miss something, then the entire world is going to come down around my ears.

It's a relief to know that this is not just a "me" thing, but actually an "other people have this too" thing. Parents often expend a lot more effort on their first child, trying to "get it right". They expect more of Child 1 in terms of grades, career, health. By the time Child 2 comes along, the parents have relaxed and eased up on the micro-managing. Although parents still tend to load more responsibility on the first child. The eldest is expected to be a good example, to lead the way, to care for the younger one(s), to be a support for the mother. Add in the fact that girls/women are expected to be nurturers and it's easy to see the sticky trap of eldest daughter syndrome.

When my Dad could no longer live independently in another city, who offered to have him move into the basement suite. Moi. When he passed away, who took care of his estate? Me. When Mom passed away, who took care of her estate? Yep, me again. Who steps up over and over again to shoulder responsibility? Yeah. Me.

Yeah. It's exhausting.

And maybe it's a combo of several beliefs. Perhaps I don't believe that my younger sibling can do the job as well as I can do it. (Hello, Perfectionism) Or maybe I believe that since I don't have kids and a busy job like she does, it makes more sense to take this on because she's going to push back anyhow. (Yup, People-Pleaser)

Whatever it is, it is a well-worn track in my brain, a pattern that just snaps into place as soon as something shows up on the horizon.

A situation or problem needs to be handled? Obviously it is MINE to handle.

Even if it really doesn't involve me directly. 

Yes, eldest daughters struggle with boundaries.

Which may be why... when asked to describe the qualities of firstborns, people who are firstborns will choose words like "responsible" and "leadership", whereas people who are NOT firstborns will mutter words like "bossy" and "over-controlling". Um. Yeah. Possibly.

We first-borns are raised to take charge, to take responsibility, to lead the way, to set an example, to handle what needs handling. But I am seeing more and more that, eventually, it leads me into a nasty cul-de-sac of over-functioning, exhaustion and resentment.

It's not a pleasant realization, but now that I've seen it, I'm hopeful that I can alter the pattern. Even just a pause between seeing a responsibility and taking it on.

A pause during which I can ask "Is this mine?" And listen for the answer.

More Reading

What Is Eldest Daughter Syndrome? A Therapist Breaks it Down

The Atlantic article - needs a subscription - The Plight of the Oldest Sister - The Atlantic

The Pause I Keep Forgetting

There are some days where you just need to stop.

And breathe.

Just one breath and then another. No matter what is going on, there is always a moment to just stop, and breathe.

I forget this. Often. I get carried away in my head and my thoughts and forget that I can stop it all and just breathe. That little pause is sometimes all that I need to regroup. Refocus. Come back to me.

I wish I could remember it more often. And more quickly. It's just one little breath and yet it can make all the difference.

I suppose it is just a matter of practice. The more I stop and breathe... the more I will remember to do it. But my system is really much better at tearing off trying to fix this, solve this, complete this, do this... Stopping to breathe seems rather counterproductive. Nothing gets done if one is doing nothing!! And breathing, to my mind, is most definitely "nothing". I mean, yes... breathing keeps us all alive but... other than that... nothing really gets accomplished when you breathe. Errands don't get done. Emails don't get written. Stuff just doesn't get done!

And yet, what am I slowly being remind of is this... sometimes you need to stop in order to get things done. When I am swept up in an efficiency, productivity tear... I can be like one of those hamsters in their little wheel. I get going faster and faster and faster and then a tiny mis-step and "fling"... the spinning wheel spins me off into the dust. Kind of an abrupt reminder that I need to slow-down, stop... and breathe.

But even when I do stop, and retire to Starbucks to "regroup". I often sit here and just scroll mindlessly on Facebook, or the news, or my emails, or Facebook, or the news, or... and on it goes. I get my to-do list organized. I answer emails. But I don't actually stop and... breathe.

For me, writing a blog like this is a way to stop... and breathe. Journaling can be the same. A walk. Sitting on a bench. Looking out a window.

Maybe that is all I am doing here. Not solving anything. Not fixing anything. Not checking something off a list.

Just stopping.

And breathing.

My Accidental Analogue Bag

Have you heard of the latest trend that is taking social media by storm?? I heard about it on the radio... a thing called "analogue bags".

What the heck is an analogue bag, you ask? Well, it is a bag (tote bag, backpack, shopping bag) filled with "analogue" activities so that when you are "somewhere" and feel tempted to pull out your phone and scroll the latest trends on TikTok, you can stop, reach into your analogue bag and pull out something that entertains you in the real world.

It is not lost on me that millions of viewers are scrolling social media looking for analogue bag ideas... it kind of defeats the purpose. Not to mention trendy influencers are promoting fancy bags and fancy analogue gear.

The truth is... it doesn't take much to make an analogue bag. I have my backpack sitting here next to me in Starbucks and it has several analogue things inside of it.

I have a journal and a pen so that I can write whenever the urge hits me. I've tried digital journals and always come back to a paper journal and a real pen.

I've also got a ziploc bag with a selection of greeting cards, as well as some stamps. Nothing more analogue than putting a letter into a mailbox... spelling mistakes and everything!

I also have a book, a real book, as well as an ebook. I'm not sure if an ebook counts as "analogue". Technically it is digital, but it's not connected to the deep black holes of social media and the news sites sooo... it is kind of a mono-purpose device where I can read a book. I wouldn't count the Kindle or Libby apps on my phone though... too easy to slip over to some other app!

That's already three analogue items so I'm not doing too bad... and I've been doing this for years. Imagine... me... ahead of the trend by years! And I would imagine other people have been carrying analogue bags for years... they just never had a trendy name for them.

Now... some of the other ideas are interesting to consider. Some people include a hobby in their bag - like knitting, crocheting or embroidery. If that floats your boat... go for it. Not my cup of tea. I'm more into photography and if I had a "real" camera, it would definitely count as analogue but... if my phone is my camera... does that count? If I just do the double-click to open the camera app and don't unlock the phone... maybe.

Other people include things like crossword books or search-a-word books or Sudoku. Interesting thought. You could do a crossword with a friend in a coffee shop. I think a deck of cards might be a good idea. Play a game of Solitaire in real life instead of the digital world. Or even UNO which could be played with a friend over dinner.

Or it could be something creative like a mini-watercolour set, an adult colouring book or a sketch pad, along with an assortment of colouring and drawing tools.

Or maybe it's a magazine (do they even exist anymore) or a trade journal. That copy of Time magazine that has been sitting on the couch for days... maybe it needs to go in the bag?

My analogue bag (aka office backpack) isn't pretty or chic. It's definitely not "on-trend" and isn't going to make anyone swoon with envy. But then, it doesn't have to. I like to have these things available to me, and it really doesn't matter if they are fancy or chic... that's not my vibe or style... which is more... use it till it dies a sad and tattered death.

Do you have an Analogue Bag? If so, what does it carry? Curious to know! Does it travel with you? Or is it more an Analogue Basket that sits next to the sofa?

No Replay Button

I went to a hockey game a few weeks ago. Not a "big" game like the NHL, the Olympics, or the World Championships. This was the BC Junior Hockey League. I had never been to a live hockey game before, but as part of my ongoing effort this year to try new things, I thought: why not?

Although, on second thought, I "may" have been to a Vancouver Canucks game back in the '80s. Maybe. But if I did go, I sat in the nose bleed section where my friends and I watched ant-like players slithering around in a tiny oval chasing a black speck.

The local rink however, only has 13 rows that seat a total of 2500 spectators. I got a seat in the 9th row, behind the penalty box. When I arrived, I was immediately struck by the size of everything. The rink was big. The Zamboni was huge! And there were the sounds and smells of the place—the scent of popcorn and that unmistakable rink smell. This is a completely different experience from watching a game on TV... or from the nosebleed sections of a "big leagues" stadium. This felt up close and personal.

The game I was attending was a playoff game between the Nanaimo Clippers and the Prince George Spruce Kings so the arena was packed with boisterous fans. A few from the Spruce Kings, but the majority were dedicated Clippers fans wearing variations of orange jerseys.

It was a social atmosphere with season tickets holders chatting with others several rows up or down. And as the game started, the atmosphere was electric. Everything was bigger than life. The smack of the puck against a stick on a rink-wide pass was much louder than I expected. I could hear the players calling back and forth. The crowd would boo a penalty call against the Clippers and someone would start a chant "Ref You Suck". A goal by the visiting team was met with a disappointed silence whereas a goal by the Clippers was met with a roar of approval, a huge blast of the arena horn and flashing lights. Not to mention the cow bells and other noise makers that fans had brought with them.

Sometimes I missed the details of a penalty. I might have been following the puck and was often surprised by the whistle. A penalty? For what?? Where was the replay??

But there was no big screen jumbotron. There was no replay. Sometimes the two guys next to me would discuss the penalty and I would get a sense of what had happened but it struck me... this was very much like "real life".

The game couldn't be put on pause. There were no replays. No way to hit "rewind" and watch it again. There was also no play-by-play commentary. There was no explanation of what was happening on the ice. If I missed something... then it was gone. Forever. It took me at least a period, maybe two, to shake the sense there should be a replay button.

A live hockey game, even in the junior leagues, is very different from a televised game. Even though I went on my own, I was absorbed into the crowd atmosphere. I cheered and roared with the rest of the fans when the Clippers scored. It's not the same at home. Even with the biggest TV screen (which we do not have), there is no substitute for the real thing. 

It's the difference between participating and watching. At home, we watch TV. We don't participate in whatever we are watching. At a game, even as a "fan", we are participating. We are "there". We are part of the crowd. We are a fan. We are part of the event. All of our senses are engaged. It's a full body experience. At home... not so much. And I see why people have game parties, or go to a pub to watch the big game. It is a bit like "being there"... it re-creates the fan experience, a little bit. Being surrounded by like-minded folk who are rooting for the same team.

But nothing can replace the "live" experience. And it makes me wonder... where do I do this in my own life? How often do I watch gardening videos instead of going out into my own garden? How often do I read about places instead of visiting them? How often do I watch a home make-over instead of picking up a paint brush? How often do I trade participating for observing? Or creating for consuming?

We come to believe that life can be put on "pause" or we can hit "replay" and watch it over and over again. But that's not how life works. There is no pause or instant replay. There is only this moment... where we can choose to step in and engage with whatever is happening, or we can choose to retreat and just watch, from a distance, through a third-party mediator. Through a lens or a screen.

And perhaps that is the crux... at a live hockey game, I get to decide what I am watching. Whether it's the play, or a funny fan, or the Zamboni going round and round the rink in mesmerizing loops. On a screen... someone else determines the scene, the angle, the speed, the focus.

I'm not saying it's not worth it... to be able to watch the Olympic gold medal hockey game on TV, for free. But if that's all we do... if that's our mode-of-engagement with life, with "events"... something gets lost.

The Year I Stopped Trying to Do It All

Sometimes I just need a reality check. It's odd though, to get it from an Artificial Intelligence, and somehow, harder to ignore.

2025 was a shit year. Mom died. Aunt died. Someone else died. Dealing with Mom's estate. Clearing out her apartment. Going to her funeral and then the laying of the headstone. Grieving (oh yeah, grieving). Along with some health issues. And the Airbnb. Working 12 hour shifts on some gig work for a few months (out of town for some of it). And I don't even know what else.

In the middle of that, I was beating myself up for not being able to stay on top of our Airbnb social media and newsletter campaigns. And lamenting the fact that the 3 or 4 blogs I work on were falling by the wayside.

Looking back, the problem wasn’t that I wasn’t trying hard enough. It was that I was treating everything in my life as if it all needed to run at full speed, all year long.

I took my inadequacy to ChatGPT who, after a pregnant pause, suggested, quite sweetly, that I was expecting WAY too much of myself. There was NO WAY anyone could keep up the pace I had presented. In essence... it suggested I was just a tad out of touch with reality.

This idea that I can do anything... but I can't do everything... all of the time. That's a hard lesson to grasp. In my skewed memory, I had done anything and everything, all of the time. To the point that my mother-in-law saying, "Everyone needs a Gigi", was a badge of honour. Not only could I do everything I wanted to do... but I could do everything that everyone else wanted me to do! And some things that they didn't even know that they wanted me to do...

Yeah. Well. This year jerked that rug out from under my feet. That explained why I felt like I was lying flat on the floor pinned down by a mountain of grief and expectations and demands, pretty much all of it self-imposed.

I thought I just needed some time to get caught up. Hah! I thought I just needed some good mornings at Starbucks with a hot chocolate. Nope. I thought I just needed life to stop for a few days or a few weeks. Yeah, right. Since when has that ever happened.

There was no pathway through this murky year. And I was carrying wayyyy too much. Not just emotionally — but logistically. Everything was expected to keep going, regardless of what the season actually was. Too many expectations and demands. Too many of these laments... "but I used to be able to do all of this!!"... My partner tried to give me a reality check but it didn't really stick.

Someone bringing all of this to ChatGPT, and it's electronic objectivity, hit me hard. And, honestly, when I laid it all out for it... I could see it a bit more objectively as well. It gently suggested that it was no wonder I was overwhelmed and flirting with burnout. No one could maintain that pace. On top of that... it actually had a most helpful suggestion.

Rather than trying to keep all of my balls in the air, all of the time... why not think of my projects as "seasonal".

Say what?

You know... seasonal... so rather than trying to do Airbnb social media posts 3 times a week, 52 weeks a year... and failing miserably and crashing out in July... why not plan for that? Why not do social media posts from Christmas to end of July? We usually have a longer term booking in the fall anyhow, and don't really "need" social media then. Why not just run it for a "season".

Huh. Why not, indeed? Good question and... well... huh. It's kind of what happens anyhow. Because even though I buffer and pre-post things a month in advance, by the time July and August hit, we are in full-blown garden and high- Airbnb-turnover mode. Plus, I'm usually sick of trying to drum of social media content ideas by that point.

The seasonal idea is all about pacing... it's all about times of productivity and times of rest. It's about taking a break and coming back later with fresh ideas and new energy. 

And so we sat down and mapped out seasons for my various projects. The Airbnb social media season was mapped out. My espionage blog, which is insanely research heavy and can suck hours out of a day... that one got a season from August to December. I had had similar expectations with it... that I should be posting 1 blog a week for 52 weeks. Yeah. In reality, not happening. But for 6 months? Definitely doable.

One of the things I am a firm believer in is building buffers into things... or parking downhill. If can have one or two months of blog posts pre-scheduled... I have breathing room for when life throws a monkey wrench or a boomerang... or it just goes sideways. And with a gap of 4 or 5 months... it's easier to build in a buffer.

There were other projects, that only need output once a month, and those... we agreed... were better to keep going throughout the year. Like a monthly newsletter for our Airbnb. 

All a sudden, it all looked a bit more manageable. There was less self-imposed pressure. Less expectations of myself. Less shoulda/coulda/woulda. More breathing space. More rest space.

I was able to lay down some projects and say “not now”. I was able to look at my overwhelming to-do list and kick a number of things down the road and say “not this month”.

There were days in my calendar with nothing scheduled. I could sit back and read a book, or get up and go for a hike, without projects calling my name.

From Pebbles to Mountains: How Small Actions Build Success

***This post has been in Drafts for three years... time to finish it off and publish!!***

A few weekends ago I decided it was time to mow the lawns. That's all. Just mow the front yard and the back yard.

Things turned out waaaayyyy differently than I planned... and it all started with one small step... and then another...

The front lawn was relatively easy and took less than an hour. But the back yard... sigh... not so much.

The Problem of the Kayak

You see, we had our deck replaced a few months ago, which meant the kayak, that normally hangs off the deck joists had to be moved out of the way. Since then, the kayak has been sitting along one side of the yard, with grass growing quite happily in its shelter.

In order to mow the back yard... I needed to move the kayak and hang it back up under the deck. Seemed easy enough... just get the big eye-bolts, screw them into the joists and hang the kayak up with bungy cords.

But wait... not so fast.

The Problem of the Soil

You see, when we had the perimeter drain done last year, they back-filled the soil a little too close to the stucco above the concrete foundation. The whole back yard slopes gently towards the house, but under the deck, it's a bit more noticeable.

Our deck contractor suggested installing a little retaining wall under the deck so that we could pull the soil back from the foundation and create a bit of a gap between the soil and the stucco.

The retaining wall would be going right below where the kayak normally hangs... which meant... that in order to hang the kayak, I really needed to put in the retaining wall first. Otherwise, I'd have no head room to dig...

Eyeing the rock-hard soil under the deck (we are endowed with a lot of clay and rocks in our subsoil)... I shuddered to think of how hard that would be to dig with a shovel... until, while lying in bed at night, fretting about this... I remembered a wondrous tool... the pick-ax!

I woke up Friday morning with visions of the pick-ax in my head, grabbed it out of the shed and scrambled under the deck. Let's see... retaining wall to be installed between the new concrete pillars supporting the back end of the deck... Alright, let's hack all this stuff on the house-ward side of that line. I started chipping away and... that pick-ax loosened up the rock-hard soil like nobody's business!

I hacked and shoveled and burrowed my way down so that we had about 6 inches of freeboard below the stucco. The pile of dirt generated by this mole-work was quite stunning and I was a bit concerned about where it would all go but... it all worked out. I gathered up the extra concrete blocks that we have been using and reusing around the yard and started building my little retaining wall. I've found that filling them with rocks makes them virtually immovable. Our property is blessed with lots and lots of rocks... big and small... so finding enough rocks was NOT a problem.

As the wall took shape, I back-filled some of the dug out soil until... voila... the soil pile was pretty much gone.

What had seemed like a huge, massive task took me less than a day... just one step at a time.

The sloping ground under the deck was now relatively flattish, with a nice little two-block high retaining wall near the house. It wasn't quite finished as I had run out of concrete blocks and needed a handful of the half-blocks to fill in some gaps but... heck, it looked good!

Now... I can hang up the kayak under the deck!

The Problem of the View

Nope... not so fast... you see there's a basement window that looks out under the deck... a bedroom window from our AirBnb. It's not a great view for guests, although it did look better with the new retaining wall and all the soil raked smooth... But my partner had this bright idea of buying a load of gravel and distributing it under the deck. Maybe with a dry river bed on top to add some visual interest.

Sooo... before I hung the kayak and obstructed the only full-height access... I considered the idea of this dry river bed. I was not keen on the idea of ordering a load of gravel for many reasons: cost, logistics, carting it to the back yard by the bucketful... etc. etc. Nope, I had a better idea... using our in-house rocks...

When the perimeter drain was redone last year, the diggers excavated all around the house and then backfilled the soil they had dug out. In that process... they turned everything upside down. Our garden beds along the front of the house and the driveway were no longer topsoil but a rock-strewn mess of subsoil. I spent much of last spring sifting through the beds and pulling out buckets of rocks... graded by size of course... big rocks in this milk crate, medium rocks in this bucket... little rocks in these buckets. At the time, I wondered if sorting the rocks might be overkill but... nope.

By the time all was said and done last spring, I had four milk crates of big rocks, massive black nursery tubs full of medium rocks and buckets and buckets of smaller rocks. Some stored in the what we call the Back 40... some stored under the laurel bush, some stored by the potting bench. And... this spring, I had started a new pile of random rocks along the back fence, having run out of room elsewhere. Rocks, rocks and more rocks... who needs a load of gravel when you have rocks??

The Solution is Rocks

And so began a massive haulage project. I mapped out the outline of the dry riverbed on the soil under the deck, using the larger rocks, and got the stamp of approval from my partner for its shape and flow. Then I began dumping rocks all around the outline of the river bed - first the bigger "feature" rocks and then the medium rocks, filling in the gaps... finishing off with the smaller pebbles.

Milk crates, tubs, buckets, wheelbarrows of rocks but... believe it or not... we had barely enough rocks to finish the project. There isn't a single bucket of rocks left in the yard and now we have a tonne of empty buckets back in circulation for the garden!

Oh wait... not quite finished with rocks... my partner wanted to use some blue-stone pebbles from a local beach to populate the river bed. So we drove to the beach park (shhh)... and surreptitiously filled two backpacks with pebbles and hauled them back to the truck (twice). Blue-stone pebbles poured into dry river bed and... we're done!

Not quite... we still want to add even more visual interest to the dry river bed and rock expanse... like little painted rock houses and fairy garden tchotchkes... but that can come at a later date. For now... it's good enough... not bad for a few days worth of hard slogging... Partner's happy with the dry river bed and I'm happy to have emptied my massive stockpile of rocks. Knew they would come in handy for something someday!

And all it took was a number of small steps... just hack up the soil, just lay the concrete blocks, just move the soil, just move a bucket of rocks. Every move was a small step, but together they add up to an impressive accomplishment. Something for me to remember.

Can I hang up the kayak now? And mow the hay field that is our back lawn?

Day 1 - Diary of a Grieving Ailurophile (Cat Lover)

April 11

We had to put our cat down yesterday. We knew Minnie was going. She had been diagnosed with Stage 3 (verging on Stage 4) kidney failure in early September 2023. We pulled out all the stops, and gave her subcutaneous injections of saline every 3, 2 and, eventually, every single day.

In early February she got a UTI and slid downhill. We fought it with 3 rounds of antibiotics and many vet visits. One vet figured she was also hyperthyroid and prescribed anti-thyroid meds. When Minnie vomited those up after 3 days, we called it quits on that. She was 13 years old. The UTI took a lot of out of her. The anti-nausea meds didn't agree with her. The appetite stimulant's worked for a while and then didn't.

And by mid-March we knew the end was coming. She stopped eating her urinary cat food. She stopped eating her kidney cat food. We tried treats. She ate them for a while and then stopped. We tried canned salt-free tuna. She ate that for a week (her absolute favourite food) and then stopped. We tried Fancy Feast. She ate that for a week and then stopped. She'd nibble on a treat fragment every once in a while. She slept alot. But she was still cuddly. And yet... she was a pale shadow of her former self.

On Friday, April 5, we saw the vet again. She agreed. It was time. My partner wasn't quite there yet so the vet said we could have the weekend to say goodbye. And so we did. Minnie perked up a bit. She ate tuna. She wandered the backyard. She ate grass. She slept in the sun. She burrowed in the blankets. She slept. And got cuddles. Lots of cuddles.

Even though we knew it was time. The surrealness of it all was hard to grasp. Three more sleeps. Two more sleeps. One more sleep. No more sleep. 10 hours. 8 hours. 6 hours. 1 hour. Time to leave. We cried. Minnie burrowed in her blanket and purred and washed her front paws. Were we making the right decision? She weighed less than 5 lbs. From a healthy weight of 13 lbs. She was a ghost. Scrawny and emaciated. But she purred. She cuddled. She staggered sometimes when she walked. She was still happy. She hadn't fallen off the cliff yet.

We've had cats who have fallen off the cliff, who fade slowly and then, suddenly, one day, you wake up and it's clear... Today is the day. But at that point, the cat is in dire straits. Spooky, our previous cat, either had asthma or a tumour in her throat. We phoned the vet on the morning she fell off a cliff and got a 2 pm appt. I had to watch as Spooky coughed and wheezed while her gums and tongue turned blue. Until she could breathe again... but then if we touched her, she would purr... which would trigger another coughing spasm.

No. Never again. Let them go before they get to that point. Don't wait until they are knocking at death's door. But it's a hard thing to judge. Are they at Death's Door? Or wandering down Death's Alley, still a few weeks, days, from Death's Door?

In the end. We know... we think... we convince ourselves... that we timed it right with Minnie. We made the right decision. She went quickly when the vet injected the pink liquid. We washed her fur with our tears and held her and cuddled and let her know that she was loved.

And it is so insanely hard. To return to an empty house, devoid of a feline spirit. It's empty. Oh sure, we are there. But the little feline spirit is not. No pitter patter of little feet. No chirp or coo as she entered a room. No tail-in-the-air as she sauntered into the living room. Although, to be honest, we haven't had a lot of coos, chirps or perky tails for the last couple of months. She has been waning for many weeks. Months. 

So we burst into tears at odd moments. My eyes are scratchy with all the crying. I'm not sure if it's dehydration or too much salt in my eyes. So many things remind us of her. She was a presence in every room. No paddling at the patio door, asking (nay... demanding) to be let out. No cuddles on the couch. Nighttime is the worst. No warm little body tucked in behind the knees. No furry body taking up 80% of the pillow.

No. Miss Minnie Princess Pretty Paws is gone. And we miss her dreadfully.

They say that grief comes in waves. Right now, the waves are coming hard and fast. They are raw. They are visceral. We sob, we cry. We laugh. We reminisce. We sob again.

In writing this post, I am hoping that I can see the waves ease. Become farther apart. Less intense. I hope. Small steps. One day at a time.

Beyond the Clock: My Evolution from 4-Hour Dependency

When I first started this blog, I knew that I wanted it to focus on small steps - for healthy living, for the environment, for anything really. And several years into this, I am reminded daily that no great thing gets done without these small steps. Everything is made up of small steps.

The thing is... we don't see some of those small steps. We see a singer blaze into stardom and forget that this singer spent hours, days, months, years, practicing their craft, one small step at a time. We see new buildings pop up in our neighbourhood. We don't see the myriad small steps that go into constructing the building. We hear of a friend of a friend retiring at age 40 with millions in the bank. We are jealous and wonder what they did to hit the jackpot? Win the lottery? Sell a start-up? We don't believe it can be done one frugal penny-pinching step at a time.

And we know this... deep down, we know this... but still... we think that we there might be a shortcut to fame or fortune.

How Much Time is "Enough" Time?

A friend of my is producing two books a year (more or less). These are not fiction books, but heavily researched non-fiction espionage books. I don't know how he does it! He must have oodles and oodles of time! Like, open vistas of whole days that are just devoted to writing. Right? Maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps he just has a different view of time.

I still think that I need several blissfully empty hours in front of me before I can work on the next book, or start a new project. I don't believe that I can write a book one small step at a time. I think 30 minutes is too short. I think the smallest step I need is 2 hours. Maybe more. Like 4 hours!

Perhaps that is the key. I have an image in my mind of the size/length/duration of the "smallest step". For writing... realistically... I think I need 2 hours... and ideally 4 hours. I mean, I "need" that time to get back into it... to pick up where I left off... to gather my research notes and recall where I was in the project. And maybe I do need an hour to do that... but if I were to work on the project every day... I wouldn't need so much time to "get back in the groove".

When it comes to yard maintenance... it's the same... I think I need a good hour to get anything useful done. I mean, there is soooo much to do out there... I believe that I need at least an hour to make a meaningful dent in things. Or do I? My partner and I went out there this past spring, on a sunny afternoon, and decided to spend 15 minutes decluttering the shed. We made a sizable dent in the chaos in the shed. Just 15 minutes.

Same with house cleaning... my default seems to be an hour. Even though I know, from experience, that I can get a tonne of cleaning done in 15 minutes. My brain seems to have a default setting of one hour.

So if there is less than an hour of time in my day... I fill it with smaller, less important tasks that I know I can complete, rather than working on a larger project which I know will not be complete... even though it is moved further along to completion.

I know that completing a task gives a dopamine hit... so maybe I'm just a dopamine addict... wanting the hit after completing a task. If I know that a task can't be completed in 15 minutes or an hour... there is no dopamine carrot dangling ahead of me. And so I default to easier, simpler, shorter tasks.

The question then becomes... can I alter that 1 hour default? I did use the Pomodoro technique successfully a few times for projects that were seriously stuck. Work for just 25 minutes and then take a 5 minute break. It seems awfully rigid though. Or could I create an artificial dopamine carrot for working on something for 15-30 minutes?  And what would that look like?

Peak Alertness

Or... perhaps my sense that an hour is required in order for me to do productive project work isn't actually that far off. Studies have shown that our ultradian rhythm (cycles repeated multiple times in a 24 hour period) might have a role to play. Based on studies of our natural energy and alertness cycle... we can maintain peak alertness for 90 to 120 minutes before we need a break. On top of that... studies have also shown that it takes about 23 minutes to get into a deep work zone.

Sooo... if I really want to do some deep work... then the Pomodoro technique isn't going to work. I legitimately need about 30 minutes to get into a work zone. And I can maintain that for up to 2 hours. So the sweet spot for working on a complex project (like writing a blog or working on another book) is going to be somewhere in the 60-120 minute zone.

This actually makes me feel a bit better. I'm not mucked up! My sense that I can't get anything useful done on a blog or a book in less than an hour is probably not that far off. I need to be able to work on it for at least 30 minutes to get into a flow zone... but can only maintain that for another hour or so.

30 Minutes is Enough?

But here's where I can marry these two bits of information. All I really need is a 30 minute chunk of time. That's a small enough segment that it doesn't feel impossible or overwhelming. I also know that once I've been working on something for 30 minutes... odds are I will continue for a bit longer. And yes, ideally I would have a one hour chunk to devote to my writing.

On the other hand... for other things... like decluttering the garden shed, or updating our finances... I can drop that down to 15 minutes. I can get a lot of decluttering done in 15 minutes.

Now... the trick is... to actually follow through on this. An hour seems like a fairly large step to me... although 30 minutes is a bit more doable... cuts that hour in half. But even those 30 minutes are broken up into countless small steps... the first one being... to just start! Getting started seems to be 80% of the battle. If I can just get started, I know that everything else falls into place.

Next Small Step

So much of my to-do list is made up of things like "write blog about ____". That isn't, actually, a small step. That's like saying "land a man on the moon". Well... let's just give up right now because that is a huge mountain of a task! It's no wonder I get stuck and just skip over that item in my to-do list... it's much more doable to "screw fire extinguisher to the wall"... a very concrete, small step task. And it gives me a quick dopamine hit. Whereas "write blog" is so amorphous and nebulous that my dopamine addict looks at it and goes... "nope... too hard... I need a quick fix". And so I spend my time completing small tasks rather than focusing my precious time on larger, complex tasks.

Sigh... I'm back to looking at my productivity system! Surely there is something out there... something better than what I am doing. Something that will actually help me focus and get things done?

Productivity Systems

What about the Getting Things Done (GTD) system... where you identify the next actionable step? "Write blog" is not an actionable step. Even "research blog" is not an actionable step. Maybe "open blogger web app"... "open current blog post"... "review material written to-date"... "identify next steps"... Those are small steps. But do I really want to spend time adding them to my to-do list? Not really. I think I should be able to identify these when I see "write blog post"... but clearly that is NOT working!

There's also time-blocking... where you look at the week ahead and map things out ahead of time. What appointments do I have? What are the self-care things that need to go in there - walk, eating, etc. What work time do I need to factor into the schedule. Then... look at the remaining time and figure out... what can I do in that block of time... write a blog? answer emails and make phone calls? research Airbnb tips and tricks? The idea with time-blocking is that you group things together. So I am not answering emails and making phone calls throughout the day, when I should really be working on a blog or something else. I have tried it in the past and found it far too rigid... but perhaps I wasn't using it correctly because it is supposed to flex and flow with the unexpected.

I've also come across another idea... about working on one thing... without distraction. So the question to ask is... "Did I do what I said I'm going to do for as long as I said I would, without distraction?". Even if I didn't finish it... I can still get a dopamine hit because I did what I said I would do... without getting distracted. That's a win!

I'm going to have to let all of these percolate for a while... and see what I can come up with that might actually work for me

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

Sweeping vs. Shoveling: The Wisdom of Regular Maintenance

I keep coming back to this lesson in life. In a nutshell, I snow-plough small (and sometimes large) tasks ahead of me until I am faced with a mountain of tasks. All frozen together into this massive ice-mountain.

I stare at it and am so totally immobilized, because at that point, it's hard to even see the individual tasks. It's just this amorphous blob of "stuff to do".

I can't be the only person who does this. And it annoys the heck out of me.

Case in point... I keep our joint finances updated once a week using GnuCash, an Open Source accounting program. It works beautifully.

It takes about 15 minutes a week (give or take) and then a longer spell at the end of the month when I transfer totals into a spreadsheet and produce our monthly financial report.

I know that if I don't do the weekly updates... and push them too far into the future... it's going to get messy, very fast. If I'm trying to catch up on 4 weeks of finances... ugh... it's a massive snow blob! And it takes me hours as I stare at receipts trying to figure out what those cryptic product descriptions are. "What the heck did I buy at Home Depot that day?" In a normal household, this wouldn't be a big deal but since we run a business... I need to know what I bought to see if it's a business expense!

And then there are my personal finances. I might enter my credit card purchases and keep the bank account info up to date every couple of weeks... but... I don't transfer all of that info into my personal financial spreadsheet. Ugh. It's probably all of 2022 that needs to be processed. It's tedious. It's a huge pile of snow-ploughed small tasks. And... I just keep turning away from it... until it's March and tax time is looming.

The thing is... it's easy to hop over the little tasks in life... all of those individual tasks are so small that I can say... "I'll do that later... next week, next month". But I never do. And then I'm facing tax time and... I need to know what I spent last year on various things like website hosting, book purchases, research costs, etc... all of which are tax deductions. Sooo... this is where the pedal hits the metal. I knew this time was coming and I pushed all of those tasks off... and now they have come home to roost.

Our joint finances are usually in great shape for pulling out info for our tax accountant. Yay me!

Personal finances... not such great shape. I've done this repeatedly. Every time, I get annoyed with "Past Me" who didn't do the small steps that would make "Future Me" happy. Nope. And it seems like I forget this lesson. Once tax time is done... I slack off again. It's November and... guess what... my personal finances haven't been updated since... March...

So here's my thought... when I do those monthly financial reports for our joint accounts... I will take 30 min and do my personal financial report as well - transfer all of that monthly info into my spreadsheet. I'm already on a roll from the joint report... so it won't take as much effort... will it?

It's true that regular maintenance takes less time than trying to catch upon several weeks worth of stuff. It takes less work to clean the stove after every meal than to let stuff accumulate there and then you're scrubbing and grumbling and... you get the picture. Same with shoveling the driveway - it takes way less effort to shovel a few inches of snow every couple of hours than to wait until there's a foot of snow on the driveway. Ugh.

Regular maintenance does take some commitment. I'm not sure why this particular task of personal finances is so hard for me. Perhaps it seems less important than the joint finances? Perhaps I don't want to know how much I've spent at Starbucks every month? I'm a little gloomy that it's November and nothing has changed. Although... if I caught up now, that would be better than trying to catch up in March! Right? Right!

Small regular steps... that's the key... you'd think I would have learned and absorbed this by now!

Making a Difference: UN's 12 Steps for Everyday Environmentalists

I'm always searching for ways that we, the regular folk, can help mitigate climate change. It always seems like the problems are so big, and we are so small, that nothing we do makes a difference.

Which is kind of depressing.

But the United Nations has some very good ideas - their 12 Actions for a Healthy Planet.

It gives me hope that we can turn this Titanic around before we end up sinking ourselves.

1. Save energy at home

Much of our electricity and heat are powered by coal, oil and gas.

We can use less energy by:

• reducing our heating and cooling use,
• switching to LED light bulbs and energy-efficient electric appliances,
• washing our laundry with cold water,
• hanging things to dry instead of using a dryer.

Improving our home’s energy efficiency, through better insulation for instance, or replacing our oil or gas furnace with an electric heat pump can reduce our carbon footprint by up to 900 kilograms of CO2e per year.

This is imminently doable. We love our solar and wind powered dryer (a.k.a. the clothesline and drying rack). And we did make the switch to a heat pump which seriously reduced our electricity consumption compared to the old electric baseboard heaters.

2. Switch Home Energy Source

We could ask our utility company if our home energy comes from oil, coal or gas. If possible, we could see if a switch to renewable sources such as wind or solar is possible. Or we could install solar panels on the roof to generate energy for our home. Switching our home from oil, gas or coal-powered energy to renewable sources of energy, such as wind or solar, can reduce our carbon footprint by up to 1.5 tons of CO2e per year. Here, in British Columbia, the vast majority of our electricity comes from hydro-electric dams. Given the controversy over the Site C dam expansion though, we can see the need for reducing our electricity use. 

3. Walk, bike or take public transport

The world’s roadways are clogged with vehicles, most of them burning diesel or gasoline. Walking or riding a bike instead of driving will reduce greenhouse gas emissions -- and help our health and fitness. For longer distances, we could consider taking a train or bus. And carpool whenever possible. Living car-free can reduce our carbon footprints by up to 2 tons of CO2e per year compared to a lifestyle using a car. 

I'd like to say that I rode my bike around town this summer but... I did not. I'll try again next spring.

4. Switch to an electric vehicle

If you plan to buy a car, consider going electric, with more and cheaper models coming on the market. In many countries, electric cars help reduce air pollution and cause significantly fewer greenhouse gas emissions than gas or diesel-powered vehicles. But many electric cars still run on electricity produced from fossil fuels, and the batteries and engines require rare minerals which often come with high environmental and social costs. Switching from a gasoline or diesel-powered car to an electric vehicle can reduce your carbon footprint by up to 2 tons of CO2e per year. A hybrid vehicle can save you up to 700 kilograms of CO2e per year.

Given that our electricity in BC comes from hydro-electric dams, not fossil fuels, switching to an electric car from a gasoline vehicle would make a huge difference. The trick is finding one!

5. Consider your travel

Airplanes burn large amounts of fossil fuels, producing significant greenhouse gas emissions. That makes taking fewer flights one of the fastest ways to reduce your environmental impact. When you can, meet virtually, take a train, or skip that long-distance trip altogether. Taking one less long-haul return flight can reduce your carbon footprint by up to almost 2 tons of CO2e. 

This one makes me want to cry! Our train service in Western Canada is pathetic and ridiculously expensive. Compared to Europe, we live in the Dark Ages. And our huge distances means that driving or flying is the only way to get somewhere in a reasonable amount of time within a reasonable budget. And I don't even want to think about the Mexican vacation...

6. Reduce, reuse, repair and recycle

Electronics, clothes, plastics and other items we buy cause carbon emissions at each point in production, from the extraction of raw materials to manufacturing and transporting goods to market. To protect the climate, buy fewer things, shop second-hand, and repair what you can. Plastics alone generated 1.8 billion metric tonnes of greenhouse gas emissions in 2019 – 3.4 per cent of the global total. Less than 10 per cent is recycled, and once plastic is discarded, it can linger for hundreds of years. Buying fewer new clothes – and other consumer goods – can also reduce your carbon footprint. Every kilogram of textiles produced generates about 17 kilograms of CO2e.

We do this!!! I think the only new clothing we buy is underwear, socks and sometimes hiking boots. Everything else we get secondhand. New clothing is soooo expensive and Fast Fashion means the latest trends will be out-of-date within a few months. We don't buy into that cycle. We also try to buy things second-hand. Facebook Marketplace is our friend! And we sell things there too, or give them away. Much better that our things find a second or even third or fourth home.

7. Eat more vegetables

Eating more vegetables, fruits, whole grains, legumes, nuts, and seeds, and less meat and dairy, can significantly lower your environmental impact. Producing plant-based foods generally results in fewer greenhouse gas emissions and requires less energy, land, and water. Shifting from a mixed to a vegetarian diet can reduce your carbon footprint by up to 500 kilograms of CO2e per year (or up to 900 kilograms for a vegan diet).

We do this too! We have added a little bit of chicken and fish back into our diet, for health reasons. But we still eat a tonne of legumes and other veg.

8. Throw away less food

When you throw food away, you're also wasting the resources and energy that were used to grow, produce, package, and transport it. And when food rots in a landfill, it produces methane, a powerful greenhouse gas. So purchase only what you need, use what you buy and compost any leftovers. Cutting your food waste can reduce your carbon footprint by up to 300 kilograms of CO2e per year. 

We try to do this too! Although we're always amazed at how food can get lost in a fridge and then make an appearance when it is ugly and moldy.

9. Plant native species

If you have a garden or even just a plant or two outside your home, check for native species. Use a plant identification app to help. And then think about replacing non-natives, especially any considered invasive. Plants, animals and insects depend on each other. Most insects will not eat non-native plants, which means birds and other species lose a food source. Biodiversity suffers. Even a single tree or shrub can offer a refuge – just remember to skip insecticides and other chemicals.

We do this too!! No insecticides for us. Er... well... maybe some wasp spray into a wasp nest that is proving to be problematic after multiple stings. But other than that, we don't spray pesticides on our garden, or Round-up on our weeds. 

10. Clean up your environment

Humans, animals and plants all suffer from land and water contaminated by improperly discarded garbage. Use what you need, and when you have to throw something out, dispose of it properly. Educate others to do the same, and participate in local clean-ups of parks, rivers, beaches and beyond. Every year, people throw out 2 billion tons of trash. About a third causes environment harms, from choking water supplies to poisoning soil.

I try to bring a plastic bag with me on my hikes and walks. And then pick up garbage as I come across it. Lately, I've been noticing a lot of full dog poop bags discarded in the bush along one of our favourite trails. Seriously... dog owners who do this are only slightly lower on the stupidity totem pole than cigarette smokers who discard their butts.

11. Make your money count

Everything we spend money on affects the planet. You have the power to choose which goods and services you support. To reduce your environmental impact, choose products from companies who use resources responsibly and are committed to cutting their gas emissions and waste. If you have money that is being invested for you, through a pension fund for instance, it may be supporting fossil fuels or deforestation. Making sure your savings are invested in environmentally sustainable businesses can greatly reduce your carbon footprint.

This one is a bit of a hard one. I know many of our Canadian banks are heavily invested in fossil fuels and other industries that are not friendly to the environment.  Will have to research this in more detail.

12. Speak up

Speak up and get others to join in taking action. It's one of the quickest and most effective ways to make a difference. Talk to your neighbors, colleagues, friends, and family. Let business owners know you support bold changes – from plastics-free products and packaging to zero-emissions vehicles. Appeal to local and world leaders to act now. Climate action is a task for all of us. And it concerns all of us. No one can do it all alone – but we can do it together.

This is true. If we all complained about plastic labels on craft beer cans... maybe the industry would change.

Conclusion

There are things we can do that do make a difference. And if more of us... or most of us... or all of us... started to make the same changes, or demand the same changes... then we would be a powerful force for change in the world. Look at Greta Thunberg! One person... and the movement that she inspired.

You can read more about the 12 Actions via the link below. There are other resources as well.

12 Actions for a healthy planet | United Nations

Seven Little Things that Make the Most Difference in my Life

I admit to being a bit of a productivity nerd, always reading new books and trying to get some new hack that will actually help me get more stuff done. One recent book suggested a four step process...

First - focus on one Highlight for your day - something that you've wanted/needed or would like to work on - and schedule a 60-90 min chunk of time for that.

Second - when that time comes around, practice Laser focus - turn off your phone, etc - just work on your Highlight.

Third - Reflect on how it all went and repeat.

Except... it is a 4-step process and there's a supporting step that is not part of the work flow... Energize. Basically, you need to keep up your energy otherwise your day is going to tank. They have several ideas for how to energize yourself during the day - everything from snacking to strategic caffeine to naps to good sleep hygiene.

And I thought... yes... this is all so true. I know this soooooo well!!!

1. Prioritize Sleep

I have not been sleeping well lately. I have trouble falling asleep and then I wake up at 3 am. Sometimes I lie there, awake, until it's time to get up at 5 or 5:30. I know that these sleep issues are due to multiple things... watching a movie too late into the evening, being on my phone or the computer in the evening, the cat chirping in my ear and demanding cuddles at 3 am, my partner having coughing fits (allergies)... it really doesn't matter. The upshot is... I drag myself out of bed at 5:30 am and feel horrible.

When I have not slept well, my energy is blipping along at almost 0%. I have no enthusiasm for my projects. I spend my day putting out tiny fires (extremely urgent to me) and start neglecting other things, like eating well.

So I'm focusing on good sleep hygiene as we move into this new year. No TV or computers or phone after 7 pm. I can work on a puzzle, or we can play a game. Maybe I'll write some cards. Any analogue activity is fine... just nothing digital. I'm also starting to have a mug of chamomile tea in the evenings. We have also begun to listen to a sleep meditation just before bed. We could try banishing the cat from the bedroom but that isn't going to happen. 

2. Eat Good Food

I get up early, and head off to Starbucks most mornings. I come home around 8 am and then make breakfast. But... if I go grocery shopping... then the morning gets longer and I might not get home till 9 am or later. At which point I am a raging Hangry (hungry anger). I do try to take a breakfast-on-the-go with me - some yogurt and berries, or a cut-up apple. Because, honestly... if I am running around doing errands... the hangry really wants something... and there is Timmies (toasted bagel with herb and garlic cream cheese) or Starbucks (chocolate brownie warmed-up). And neither of those options is good for me. 

So... we are back to Michael Pollard's book (In Defense of Food). The take-away was... Eat Food. Not too Much. Mostly Plants. We do try to follow that. Where I get hung up is on snacks...  I want chocolate! No.... that's not right. I NEED chocolate!!

I have been trying to grab an apple and almonds when the urge strikes... trying to wean myself off of the chocolate. I've also decided to give dark chocolate a try... REAL dark chocolate. My brother-in-law has done this in the past. And when I've visited them, I've tried a piece of  90% dark and almost spit it out!! Soooo bitter and dry and... ick! But... it's an acquired taste. More on this in next week's blog...

3. Drink Water

Ugh. I totally fall down on this. Years ago, a friend (10 years older than me) told me that if she didn't drink enough water, she would get tired and cranky. Yeah-yeah... whatever.

Ah-hem...

It's true. For me! Ugh. I walk by my water bottle in the morning as I head out the door and I think "There it is. I should pick it up. But it's empty. It will take too much time to take it to the sink and fill it with water."

No. Seriously. This went through my head just this morning. The rest of me looks on in amused incredulity... "It would take 10 seconds to fill that water bottle up!" Yeah, whatever. Now I'm at the bottom of the stairs and it would take even LONGER now.

So I head out the door without a water bottle. And regret it later when I am grocery shopping and parched. Yep. Got bit in the ass by my own impatience.

The thing to do is this... maybe... to park downhill. I wrote about this ages ago. Grease the wheels, smooth the trail... park downhill. The thing to do would be to fill my water bottles the night before (I have several). Fill the small one and put it in my office back-pack... the one that I take with me when I head out. Would that not be the thing to do? Yes... it would... wish me luck!

4. Move More, Sit Less

I have one of those fancy Garmin watches that tell me how many steps I've taken, etc. If I sit too long, it will vibrate on my wrist and if I look at the screen, it tells me to "MOVE!". It's a bossy little thing, that watch. Of course, I ignore it.

I already do a 45-60 min pre-lunch walk with my partner. That's good, right? Yep. And more is always better. We are starting to stitch in a pre-dinner walk - just around the neighbourhood. Usually it's because one, or both, of us have not yet reached 10,000 steps. It's a good little incentive and we also visit the mailbox and check if the free newspaper is out yet.

Moving is always good... I need to remember that.

5. Meditate & Breathe

I fell off the meditation bandwagon months ago. To just stop, breathe, focus on nothing but the breath and watch the monkey mind scurry around. Come back to the breath.

When I do meditation, I always feel so much better. I am calmer, clearer... just... better. Why do I not do it? Because it takes too much time. Yep... I mean... if 10 seconds is "too much time", then a 5 minute meditation session is so over-the top "too much time", it doesn't even bear thinking about.

Although, my partner reminded me that... "you can meditate at any time... not just in the morning"... errrr... you mean, instead of being on my phone and scrolling the news?? Whhhhaaaaattttt?? Yeah. What a concept.

What if... when I pick up my phone because I'm bored or avoiding something... I actually stopped and closed my eyes and meditated for a quick minute or two or three... What would happen?

Hmmm... idea percolating here. I could change my lock screen to be a pic that says... Meditate & Feel Better... 

*20 minutes later**

Done!! We'll see if it makes a difference or just becomes part of the scenery...

And... I've also set a timer on the two worst time-sucks on my phone (my boredom soothers) - Facebook app and the Internet app (for checking the news). When the daily time limit is reached... boop... the app is greyed out and I can't click it open!

6. More Analog Face Time - Less Digital Facetime

No, this is not Apple's Facetime... which is not actual face time. I'm talking real, live, analog face time... where you sit down in front of a real person and have a chat or play a game or... whatever. We are social beings. We need inter-personal interactions! And as we all learned during Covid... Zoom calls gave us LOTS of Facetime and interactions but very little face time... and we all felt exhausted after those calls. Digital Facetime is no substitute for analog face time.

Maybe that's why I like sitting in Starbucks and working. I see a lot of real people. I hear murmured conversations. I chat with some of my Starbucks regulars, chat with the baristas... it doesn't take much.

7. Get Outside

This one is huge. To just get outside, breathe some fresh air and interact with nature. Even if it's just in the backyard. Better if it's a walk in the forest. Being out in the forest calms me... energizes me... Soooo... just get outside.

A Plan for the New Year

Yep, it's January 1. A time when a lot of us make the dreaded New Year's Resolutions... Usually they are lofty goals "I am going to go to the gym every day and work out for an hour!". How'd that work for you? They've done studies, and most resolutions are on the trash heap by the time February rolls around.

I'm going to start small... with small steps... chamomile tea at night, dark chocolate and an apple in my office bag, pre-fill my water bottle at night, walk to the mailbox (don't drive), meditate for 5 minutes, play a game, get outside and breathe.

Small steps can make a big difference.

Falling Off the Wagon: How to Bounce Back After a Sugar Slip-Up

Well, I lasted about 10 days sugar-free before caving in the face of a vegan dark chocolate truffle cake. My partner and I took my niece on a spa getaway and... we had 3 charcuterie boards, one of which was a dessert board. I could pass on the cheesecake with ease... and the poached pear... but the truffle cake? Nope. I was a goner.

But hey... it's just one blip, right? Well, 3 days later, they wanted to get DQ for themselves and I drove my niece there... and caved in the face of a Peanut Buster Parfait.

That same evening, after I dropped off the niece at the ferry... I stopped at the grocery store to get a RitterSport bar.

So... what does this tell me? Well... once the door opens a crack... you either gotta slam it shut or... the floodgates open!!

The other thing I learned... or relearned... is that it is really, really hard to maintain an eating plan (sugar-free) when you are surrounded by people who are happily munching away on sugary treats. That requires a level of self-discipline and will-power that... just... is beyond me. 

And yes... I did make it 10 days. And no... this doesn't have to derail me. Although it does feel a bit like I am derailed. I need to remind myself of "why" I am staying away from the sugar... because it is poison to my body. It generates inflammation which is toxic for Hashimoto's syndrome. I just find it really hard to remember the why when I am staring the menu in DQ and wondering... why do they both get treats and I am left to munch on almonds?

Maybe if I saw the sugary concoctions as harmfully poisonous to my body, I might have a different relationship to sugar. For example, I have never been tempted to smoke, either regular cigarettes or marijuana. Why? Because I like my brain cells and want to keep them sharp. It's glaringly obvious to me that smoking, of any sort, is seriously bad for one's health. Sooooo... no temptation there. Not even when people seem to be relaxed and having fun from smoking whatever.

Now, to just shift that mode to sugar... its effects are similar to a drug... so can I treat it the same way? See it for what it is? A substance that is harmful to my well-being? Perhaps that would work. But I'd really have to modify and work against 50+ years of conditioning which tells me that sugar is a reward for being good... or doing good things... or a treat for celebrations.

But I see the shape of the wolf in sheep's clothing... most times. Can I just keep my focus on that when faced with chocolate truffles and ice cream? Fingers crossed... 

Jar Etiquette is a Thing - Are you a Skimmer or a Gouger?

When my Dad was struggling with dementia, he received home support services. One of the tasks they helped him with was making him breakfast. He liked to have peanut butter on crisp bread. Which seems fairly innocuous but... after the home support worker had left, Dad phoned me to come down.

They had done something quite horrible, at least for him. He opened up his peanut butter jar and showed me how they had gouged the peanut butter with the knife. They just dug into the peanut butter and the gouges were deeply disturbing to my Dad. He was very much a Skimmer, not a Gouger. He would take his knife and skim the peanut butter surface. Very neat and tidy.

At the time, overwhelmed as I was, I thought this was a very minor issue. But for my Dad, it was major.

Yes. Well... enter the honey pot. 100% Canadian - pure creamed honey. This is the hard honey, not the liquid stuff. And my partner and I both use the honey. It used to be that it was just me who used the honey, for my oatmeal. But then I shifted to berries in my oatmeal and now my partner is the one who is using it more.

The other day, I opened up the honey because we had run out of frozen berries for my oatmeal. And I found this... Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! Quel scandale!!! It's a travesty!! The honey has been... **gasp**... deeply gouged!!

And that was when I realized... I am a Skimmer, not a Gouger. At least not when it comes to creamed honey. See... you take your spoon and you skim the surface, all the way down to the bottom. Although, as you get closer to the bottom, it's hard to get the right angle for skimming but... you get my point.

For me... and this is just for me... skimming is much easier. When you're trying to gouge that deep, the spoon gets stuck in the honey and it's hard to pull it out. Skimming is just easier... and neater and... well... better! Hmph.

Naturally, I skimmed the internet, looking to see if this "Skimmer vs Gouger" was a "thing". And the conclusion is... maybe.

I found this lovely image of a jar of peanut butter gouged all the way to the bottom, but only on half of the jar. Which is just strange until I realized... it was connected to a Calvin & Hobbes cartoon! 

Image from - https://imgur.com/W6O3AcY

You see... it appears that peanut butter (and honey) jar etiquette is a real thing. And when a household shares a jar of peanut butter (or honey), different perspectives and preferences often collide.

The cartoon reads like this:

• Panel 1 - Calvin exclaims in shock "AAUGH! The peanut butter is ruined!!"
• Panel 2 - Calvin grumbles: "You're supposed to scoop one half straight down and then dig out the other side from the bottom. So part of the top remains undisturbed until the very end."
• Panel 3 - Perplexed Mom "What on earth for?"  Calvin on his soapbox: "It's a ritual. You want to keep the top of the peanut butter smooth."
• Panel 4 - Irked Mom: "Maybe you should make your own sandwiches." Philosophical Calvin: "If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life. Did you cut the bread diagonally?"

Words of wisdom. Perhaps that's a s simple as it gets. If you can't control your peanut butter (or your honey), how can you ever hope to control your life.

Perhaps that's all we're really trying to do, just control our honey jar, so that we have a semblance of control over something. Although, I will have to check with my partner if the honey gouging is really designed to dig out the one side and then mine out the bottom of the other side. I rather doubt it. I think it was just random gouging. No desire to control life there.

I would agree with Calvin that the top of the honey needs to be smooth... hence my skimming technique!

Is there, however, a deeper philosophical meaning to this. Are Skimmers too shallow? Do we hesitate to sip deeply from the cup of life (or the honey jar of life)? Are Gougers deep thinkers? Do they dive deep into live and just splash around with glee, with no thought to order and neatness? I wonder...

I also wonder... are there other Skimmers or Gougers out there? Or is this just our household? And Calvin's household?