From Digital Junk Food to Mindful Living: A Mid-Year Reflection

O.M.G. The year is half over. As I sit here and write this, on July 1, I have no idea where the year went.

Never-mind June.

To be fair, I was out of town working from June 11-23, soooo there goes half the month but it seems like it was just June 1.

I follow these Hedger Humor cartoons in Facebook and every first of the month is the same... "It's June!" "What!!??"

So, obviously I am not the only one who is appalled at the rapidly accelerating pace of time.

Part of it for me is that I look back and think... what have I actually accomplished in the past month, 6 months, whatever. And it always leaves me feeling... inadequate. Wanting. Like... I should have more to show for this month!

Time is that one precious, non-renewable resource that we all have and we all get to spend in whatever way we choose. But at the end of the day, week, month... I often find that I have spent my time on the equivalent of junk food.... scrolling the news sites, scrolling Facebook, scrolling Instagram... watching cat videos... Under the guise of "relaxing". But this form of "relaxing" always leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth and a packet full of regrets. Sure, cat videos might make me smile but... seriously... there is so much more to smile about in real life... particularly if you had a real cat... but we won't talk about that. (We are going cat-less after our beloved Minnie passed away in April... we are strong... strong I tell you...)

Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling... it leaves me feeling empty, slightly bleh and filled with regret that I have let an hour fritter away. This is not unlike how I feel when I eat junk food... still hungry (give me more), feeling definitely bleh... and filled with regret. 

But scrolling is so easy... it's right there... and just like junk food which has that perfect symphony of salt, sugar and fat... scrolling has just that right amount of addictive interest to keep us coming back and wanting more, more, more... but never feeling satisfied. You know when you open the bag of M&Ms... you can't just have ONE... they are so small, so yummy... and so you just gobble them up, one after the other... not unlike those short, small TikTok videos or Instagram Reels or... whatever... More, more, more!

I know this is probably a dopamine, endorphin, brain chemistry thing... social media is designed to keep us scrolling... the same way junk food is designed to keep us craving more.

And soooo... I find that time just slips away... eaten by my scrolling fingers... Day after day, week after week... month after month. I am sitting here at 6:24 am on a new day, of a new month, at the halfway point of 2024. Could I choose a different format for July? (I know this is getting published in late August so you won't have to wait long for the results of my experiment!).

Could I choose to do something else during those moments when I reach for the phone? Why the heck do I reach for the phone? Most of the time it's because it is easy... it is right there, always in my back pocket, always within reach. There is a reason for that... as an Airbnb host, I need to respond to guests soonest... but that also means temptation is always easily accessible. But perhaps I could have something else close by, my e-book reader, my journal, a pad of paper to write down thoughts. Heck, I could even just close my eyes, take a deep breath and have a mini-meditation.

I know that it is a habit. I know that I want to scratch that itch. And sometimes I find inspiration in my feeds... well... on occasion... ok fine... very rarely. Sigh.

So I am setting my phone's "Wellness" settings thusly:

• Total Daily Screen Time - 2 hours
• News/IG/FB Time - 30 minutes (that's 1 hour less than my normal intake)

And I'm hoping that being more mindful, more aware, more attentive, more present will.... slow down time. Maybe. Not sure.

But perhaps at the end of July, I can look back and not gasp in shock when someone says "It's August!" and wonder... where did the time go??

The Time Trap: Unraveling Parkinson's Law for Better Time Management

I'd never heard of Parkinson's Law before, but it is soooo apt! It was coined by a C. Northcote Parkinson, a naval historian who, in 1955, wrote this little bit of satirical wisdom:

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion

Oh yeah, that is a truism if there ever was one! I bump up against this all the time. Here's an example of how this works in my life...

Blogging Time Evaporates

I go to Starbucks at 5:30. I know that I have 2.5 hours at Starbucks, plenty of time to write at least 1, and more likely, 2 blogs! Plenty of time. Oodles of time!

So, what do I do? Do I start writing a blog as soon as I land at Starbucks? No, I do not. I do some journaling. I then take a look at my To-Do list which as blog ideas. But I can't decide on a blog topic so I decide to think about it for a bit. I mean, I have oodles of time, right?

In the meantime, I organize my To-Do list and rearrange a few things, add a few things, postpone a few things. I handle some small tasks that have been niggling at me and that keep falling through the cracks. I reconsult my to-do list and rearrange my blog topic ideas. I handle a few more tiny tasks.

Until, I look at the clock and... shoot... it's already 6:45 am! I've only got 1.25 hours left! Now I'll be lucky if I get 1 blog done! What the heck? Where'd the time go?

The thing is... writing blogs requires way more effort than fiddling with my to-do list or handling small tasks. Fiddling with my To-Do list is "fun" and doesn't require a lot of effort. If I know that I have 2.5 hours... and I really, really want to get two blogs written... then I'd have to actually focus and get to work!

Adding Bells & Whistles

This is what Parkinson's Law can also look like... we know that we have a report that is due in 2 weeks. Do we work on it immediately? No, we do not. At least I don't. There's plenty of time. Oodles of time. We might chip away at the report with lackluster enthusiasm, until the final day when we shift into Super Gear and blast through it to the exclusion of everything else.

Or... we might decide, with 10 days to go, that we need to do a bunch of research on the topic. Maybe create pretty PowerPoints and colourful spreadsheets. We might delve deeper than we need to into the finer details of the data that we are presenting. Do we need colourful spreadsheets and pretty PowerPoints? No, we do not. Do we need the extra research? No we do not. But we have 2 weeks, don't we! Let's spruce it up. And those things are "fun"! When really... that report, plain and simple, could take 4 hours. Maybe it won't be perfect, but it will be done.

Drifting with no Deadlines

Where I also bump up against Parkinson's Law is when there is NO deadline. OMG... things just languish on my To-Do list and keep getting pushed down the list, down, down, down. But in the meantime, they take up mental energy... gotta work on that, gotta think about that, gotta research that, gotta, gotta, gotta... until all of a sudden, it becomes critical and then I shift into Super Gear and get it done.

For example, we are thinking about getting a new TV for the Airbnb because the current one is 30" which is tiny. There is no set deadline for this, so I can spend a lot of time researching TVs and comparing features and checking out stores. What's in Costco? What's in BestBuy? I don't know which is better... Samsung? LG? Panasonic? Dither, dither. Months get spent on this "project".

But imagine... the TV in the suite breaks! How fast do you think I can decide on a TV if that were to happen? Super fast! Because the deadline is "NOW"!

Or... how about this one... something that is a simple, small, neat, compact task... gets postponed and postponed until... it blows up in your face and all of a sudden, a 30 minute task has turned into a 4 hour damage control project. Think... taking the car in for an oil change... or not.

But there is hope... there are ways to get around Parkinson's Law and it's aftereffects.

Identify the Value

How important is this project or task? Why is it even on my list? Surely, it has some value. A TV for the suite definitely has value but while we have a functioning one, the value of buying a new one is pretty low. No one has complained about the size of it. If the functioning one were to go on the fritz, then the value of getting a new one skyrockets.

Identify the Scope

If we give ourselves too much time, there is a tendency to add bells and whistles to a project. We have the time so why not add colourful spreadsheets and other frills to a task. But we really don't need to do that.

We want to replace the sink in the suite... but if we're doing that, then maybe it's time to replace the counter. And if we're doing that, we might as well add a backsplash. And heck... it's probably a good idea to paint the cabinets.

All of a sudden, a 30 minute sink replacement has ballooned into a full kitchen remodel. Stick with the original scope and resist the urge to expand things.

Identify Tradeoffs

There's a tradeoff between scope, time and cost. A give and take. If the TV goes on the fritz NOW... I can't wait for a Boxing Day sale. I need to forgo waiting for a cheaper price and just buy the TV now!

Break Things Up

Obviously, this is a huge one. I have had "write book" on my to-do list for a long time. It's a specific book, I've done a lot of research but... "write book" is just too big and unwieldy. The deadline for "write book" is also nebulous. And with no deadline and no plan... it'll be on my list forever.

The trick is to break up the project "write book" into a multitude of smaller projects and tasks, each with their own realistic deadline. Small and short will get things done. Big and long will be on my To-Do list forever.

Set the Timeline

Yes, this is important. I can't tell you how many projects on my list have no deadlines. They languish there for months. I'll do it "someday" and someday never comes because there is no timeline. So it's to set up a timeline, but a realistic one.

I know that I can generally get a blog written in 45-60 minutes. So on a Starbucks morning, it's to work backwards from my departure time of 8 am. I need to start writing the second blog by 7 am and so the first one needs to be started at 6 am. That gives me 30 minutes at the start for journaling and smaller tasks. And if the blogging goes quicker than planned... well, then there's always time at the end for smaller tasks as well!

Working with Parkinson's Law instead of Against It

It's helpful to me to know that this is what happens, all too frequently. I can then begin to work with it instead of bumping up against it all the time. I have a tendency to add buffer time to things because well... I like buffer time. I don't want to be bumping up against frantic deadlines all the time. So I tend to schedule deadlines farther into the future than is required.

A flip side to Parkinson's is this... I saw I need 60 minutes to write a blog. But I could actually write a blog in 30 minutes. It won't be perfect, it might not have a great image to go with it. I might not have time for a lot of background research. But I could do it. In a pinch. It would take more effort, more focus, more intensity, more energy. But it could be done. Maybe not today though... I only have 21 minutes before I have to leave and this blog has taken exactly 60 minutes!

Beyond the Clock: My Evolution from 4-Hour Dependency

When I first started this blog, I knew that I wanted it to focus on small steps - for healthy living, for the environment, for anything really. And several years into this, I am reminded daily that no great thing gets done without these small steps. Everything is made up of small steps.

The thing is... we don't see some of those small steps. We see a singer blaze into stardom and forget that this singer spent hours, days, months, years, practicing their craft, one small step at a time. We see new buildings pop up in our neighbourhood. We don't see the myriad small steps that go into constructing the building. We hear of a friend of a friend retiring at age 40 with millions in the bank. We are jealous and wonder what they did to hit the jackpot? Win the lottery? Sell a start-up? We don't believe it can be done one frugal penny-pinching step at a time.

And we know this... deep down, we know this... but still... we think that we there might be a shortcut to fame or fortune.

How Much Time is "Enough" Time?

A friend of my is producing two books a year (more or less). These are not fiction books, but heavily researched non-fiction espionage books. I don't know how he does it! He must have oodles and oodles of time! Like, open vistas of whole days that are just devoted to writing. Right? Maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps he just has a different view of time.

I still think that I need several blissfully empty hours in front of me before I can work on the next book, or start a new project. I don't believe that I can write a book one small step at a time. I think 30 minutes is too short. I think the smallest step I need is 2 hours. Maybe more. Like 4 hours!

Perhaps that is the key. I have an image in my mind of the size/length/duration of the "smallest step". For writing... realistically... I think I need 2 hours... and ideally 4 hours. I mean, I "need" that time to get back into it... to pick up where I left off... to gather my research notes and recall where I was in the project. And maybe I do need an hour to do that... but if I were to work on the project every day... I wouldn't need so much time to "get back in the groove".

When it comes to yard maintenance... it's the same... I think I need a good hour to get anything useful done. I mean, there is soooo much to do out there... I believe that I need at least an hour to make a meaningful dent in things. Or do I? My partner and I went out there this past spring, on a sunny afternoon, and decided to spend 15 minutes decluttering the shed. We made a sizable dent in the chaos in the shed. Just 15 minutes.

Same with house cleaning... my default seems to be an hour. Even though I know, from experience, that I can get a tonne of cleaning done in 15 minutes. My brain seems to have a default setting of one hour.

So if there is less than an hour of time in my day... I fill it with smaller, less important tasks that I know I can complete, rather than working on a larger project which I know will not be complete... even though it is moved further along to completion.

I know that completing a task gives a dopamine hit... so maybe I'm just a dopamine addict... wanting the hit after completing a task. If I know that a task can't be completed in 15 minutes or an hour... there is no dopamine carrot dangling ahead of me. And so I default to easier, simpler, shorter tasks.

The question then becomes... can I alter that 1 hour default? I did use the Pomodoro technique successfully a few times for projects that were seriously stuck. Work for just 25 minutes and then take a 5 minute break. It seems awfully rigid though. Or could I create an artificial dopamine carrot for working on something for 15-30 minutes?  And what would that look like?

Peak Alertness

Or... perhaps my sense that an hour is required in order for me to do productive project work isn't actually that far off. Studies have shown that our ultradian rhythm (cycles repeated multiple times in a 24 hour period) might have a role to play. Based on studies of our natural energy and alertness cycle... we can maintain peak alertness for 90 to 120 minutes before we need a break. On top of that... studies have also shown that it takes about 23 minutes to get into a deep work zone.

Sooo... if I really want to do some deep work... then the Pomodoro technique isn't going to work. I legitimately need about 30 minutes to get into a work zone. And I can maintain that for up to 2 hours. So the sweet spot for working on a complex project (like writing a blog or working on another book) is going to be somewhere in the 60-120 minute zone.

This actually makes me feel a bit better. I'm not mucked up! My sense that I can't get anything useful done on a blog or a book in less than an hour is probably not that far off. I need to be able to work on it for at least 30 minutes to get into a flow zone... but can only maintain that for another hour or so.

30 Minutes is Enough?

But here's where I can marry these two bits of information. All I really need is a 30 minute chunk of time. That's a small enough segment that it doesn't feel impossible or overwhelming. I also know that once I've been working on something for 30 minutes... odds are I will continue for a bit longer. And yes, ideally I would have a one hour chunk to devote to my writing.

On the other hand... for other things... like decluttering the garden shed, or updating our finances... I can drop that down to 15 minutes. I can get a lot of decluttering done in 15 minutes.

Now... the trick is... to actually follow through on this. An hour seems like a fairly large step to me... although 30 minutes is a bit more doable... cuts that hour in half. But even those 30 minutes are broken up into countless small steps... the first one being... to just start! Getting started seems to be 80% of the battle. If I can just get started, I know that everything else falls into place.

Next Small Step

So much of my to-do list is made up of things like "write blog about ____". That isn't, actually, a small step. That's like saying "land a man on the moon". Well... let's just give up right now because that is a huge mountain of a task! It's no wonder I get stuck and just skip over that item in my to-do list... it's much more doable to "screw fire extinguisher to the wall"... a very concrete, small step task. And it gives me a quick dopamine hit. Whereas "write blog" is so amorphous and nebulous that my dopamine addict looks at it and goes... "nope... too hard... I need a quick fix". And so I spend my time completing small tasks rather than focusing my precious time on larger, complex tasks.

Sigh... I'm back to looking at my productivity system! Surely there is something out there... something better than what I am doing. Something that will actually help me focus and get things done?

Productivity Systems

What about the Getting Things Done (GTD) system... where you identify the next actionable step? "Write blog" is not an actionable step. Even "research blog" is not an actionable step. Maybe "open blogger web app"... "open current blog post"... "review material written to-date"... "identify next steps"... Those are small steps. But do I really want to spend time adding them to my to-do list? Not really. I think I should be able to identify these when I see "write blog post"... but clearly that is NOT working!

There's also time-blocking... where you look at the week ahead and map things out ahead of time. What appointments do I have? What are the self-care things that need to go in there - walk, eating, etc. What work time do I need to factor into the schedule. Then... look at the remaining time and figure out... what can I do in that block of time... write a blog? answer emails and make phone calls? research Airbnb tips and tricks? The idea with time-blocking is that you group things together. So I am not answering emails and making phone calls throughout the day, when I should really be working on a blog or something else. I have tried it in the past and found it far too rigid... but perhaps I wasn't using it correctly because it is supposed to flex and flow with the unexpected.

I've also come across another idea... about working on one thing... without distraction. So the question to ask is... "Did I do what I said I'm going to do for as long as I said I would, without distraction?". Even if I didn't finish it... I can still get a dopamine hit because I did what I said I would do... without getting distracted. That's a win!

I'm going to have to let all of these percolate for a while... and see what I can come up with that might actually work for me

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

There are only 24 Hours in a Day

So much to do... so little time
(Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay)

I know, I know... this is so obvious, why am I even blogging about this?? Wait and see...

So, there are 24 hours in a day and 168 hours in a week. That seems like an awful lot of time. The other obvious thing is that we all have the same amount of hours. No one has invented a time machine yet that can allow us to extend the day and create more hours. We always have the option of getting more space, more money, more stuff. But... more time? Nope, that's impossible.

Oh sure, you can hire someone to do the house-cleaning and yard-work and car maintenance. You can trade in some of your money to claw back a bit of time. But you still run up against that 168 hours a week. There isn't an infinite supply of hours.

Even that 168 is obviously not all that there is to it... Here's where I spend some of my hours in a week. I'm going to split weekdays from weekends because they look very different.

Weekdays - 5 days x 24 hrs = 120 hours available

Let's start with the non-negotiable basics... sleep, eat, a walk...

• 45 hours - 8 hrs of sleep/day and 30 min either side of that for wind-down and getting up
• 5 hours - breakfast - that includes cooking my oatmeal, eating it and washing up
• 5 hours - daily walk with my partner
• 7.5 hours - prep and eat the main meal - sometimes that might go quicker
• 2.5 hours - evening meal - usually more like a snack

Soooo... let me see... that's 65 hours which leaves me with 120-65 = 55 hours. 

Then we have other relatively essential things of daily living...

• 2.5 hours - journaling for about 30 min/day
• 10 hours - contract work
• 2.5 hours - grocery shopping and errands
• 2.5 hours - appointments of various types

And that leaves me with... 37.5 hours or, 7.5 hours/day of "available" hours on a weekday. And of those, 2.5 of those hours are from 6 pm to 8:30 pm which I consider to be generally "not computer time", otherwise I get too much blue light and can't sleep! So, really... I am left with 5 hours during the course of the day, give or take. So, that's 25 hours over the weekday...

Now, let's look at the weekends

Weekends - 2 days x 24 hours = 48 hours available

Again, let's start with the non-negotiable basics... sleep, eat, a walk...

• 18 hours - 8 hrs of sleep/day and 30 min either side of that for wind-down and getting up
• 2 hours - breakfast - that includes cooking my oatmeal, eating it and washing up
• 2 hours - daily walk with my partner
• 3 hours - prep and eat the main meal - sometimes that might go quicker
• 1 hour - evening meal - usually more like a snack

Soooo... let me see... that's 26 hours which leaves me with 48-26 = 22 hours. 

Then we have other relatively essential things of daily living...

• 1 hour - journaling for about 30 min/day
• 6 hours - yard maintenance
• 3 hours - a hike
• 2 hours - house maintenance
• 2 hours - manage household finances
• 1 hour - genealogical research

That leaves me with... 7 hours over 2 days or 3.5 hours a day. Although... right now, for example, there is a LOT of canning taking place, so that sucks up any excess time. Soooo... let's get back to the weekdays, because that's where the struggle is happening right now.

Everything I Want to Do

Right then... so 25 hours seems like a fair bit of time. But it's amazing how it just slips through my fingers without any warning at all. Here are some of the things I want to do in those 25 flex hours in any given week...

• 7.5 hours - write my various blogs - I currently have 3 of them on the go
• 10 hours - write and research my 4th blog (historical research)
• 12.5 hours - work on a book about one of the MI5 guys
• 10 hours - set up direct booking systems for our Airbnb (rental contract, email journey series, auto-payment processor, etc)
• 2.5 hours - manage our Airbnb and the one I co-host - includes tweaking daily and writing weekly IG & FB posts
• 2.5 hours - handle calls and emails

Let's see... I can already see a problem. But let's do the math - that adds up to... 45 hours. Stuffed into 25 hours. Hmmm... me thinks I have a problem with a 20 hour short-fall. I obviously can't do this. There just aren't enough hours in the week.

***taps fingers on table while frowning seriously***

I am eyeing those 2.5 hours every evening - between 6 pm and 8:30 pm... that's 7.5 hours right there. But all of my weekday activities require a computer. Yes, I could probably steal some hours there, but I would pay a big sleep price sooo... alas... that is not going to work. And besides... those are my puzzling hours when I listen to podcasts! Can't cut into the puzzle time... nooooo...

Now, the Airbnb direct booking system won't go on forever. My goal is to have it done within a couple of weeks, so that would free up 10 hours a week... but that still leaves me with a 10 hour shortfall.

The Blogs

Yes, I do have a lot of blogs... I have this one, my DNA blog and my playful bear blog. That's a lot of blogs. Plus... I set myself some fairly hard and fast schedules.

• Small Steps - I had it 3 times a week and have cut it to 2 times a week - I do have a one to two month buffer of pre-posted blogs but... if the buffer runs out, I am up against a wall and it is impossible to keep that pace up week after week, especially since I started the... DNA blog.
• DNA blog - right now, that's once a week... but who says it needs to be that often? Maybe I could go down to once every two weeks?
• Bear blog - I was trying to do that 3 times a week too, and it slipped to twice a week and now it's maybe once a week... if I can squeeze in the time. It's the one that slips off the conveyor belt most often now.
• Historical blog - I had slipped off of this one for over a year and recently started posting weekly again - but perhaps that could be pushed out to every two weeks...

These publishing schedules are all my creation. If I went to once a week with Small Steps... I'd be pre-posted into January, which would create a LOT of breathing room. Maybe I could do the DNA blog every two weeks?

Ultimately, it comes down to this. I need to choose where to spend my time. I can't do it all. It's impossible. And I hate impossible boundaries but... in this case... I really do have to get real and make a choice. I really do want to do this other book and I need to carve out time for that.

Revised - Everything I Want to Do

Alright... 25 hours is the goal... go!

• 1.5 hours - write blogs (DNA blog right now written once a week but pre-posted every 2 weeks to build up a buffer) (reduced from 7.5 hours)
• 2.5 hours - write and research my 4th blog (historical research) - published every 2nd, 3rd or (gasp) 4th week (reduced from 10 hours)
• 5 hours - work on the book about one of the MI5 guys (reduced from 10 hours)
• 10 hours - set up direct booking systems for our Airbnb (rental contract, email journey series, auto-payment processor, etc)
• 2.5 hours - manage our Airbnb and the one I co-host - includes tweaking daily and writing weekly IG & FB posts
• 2.5 hours - handle calls and emails

Ah, this is killing me!! This is 24 hours so I have a flex hour to allocate somewhere. But it is hard to make these choices! I know that once the Airbnb direct booking system is set-up, that will free up some hours but... still...

Could I steal hours from the weekends? Those 7 hours? Maybe... maybe not. I really try to keep things separate and there is already a lot of stuff that gets shoved into the weekends. Plus, I do want to spend some time doing "fun" things... maybe go to a movie with my partner, visit friends, read a book, etc.

Sometimes, there are random bits of time that show up. Maybe meeting didn't go as long as planned, or there weren't any emails or calls to make... and the trick now would be to seize those little 30 minute chunks and turn them into something useful. Through this process, I at least now know where I want to spend them!

Choices are Hard

I am also reminded that small steps are what make the difference. Five hours a week on the new book doesn't seem like a lot but it does add up over the course of a year. Especially if I focus and don't get distracted by other things. I've done a tonne of research for this book, so now it's just pulling things together. I can do this.

For now... this Small Steps blog is going to go to a once a week posting schedule. I am pre-posted well into January, more or less. And hope to keep that schedule going into the future.

So... "for now" this is what I will focus on. I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't forever. This is a temporary deferment and all can be reviewed in 3 months to see where I get to!

The Mind-Blowing Power of Einstein Time

Time... sigh.... there's either too much of it or never enough of it. Kind of like Goldlilocks and the Three Bears - bed was too hard, too soft and... but wait, she found a "just right" bed. Why can't we find a "just right" relationship with time?

I did a blog post about this a few months ago... errr... well, almost a year ago... I shared my relationship with time (there's never enough of it), my friend Violet's relationship (la-dee-dah, I have all the time in the world) and my other friend Leo (just the right amount of time).

I admitted to being perplexed by our different relationships to time and really wanted to know how I could shift more to the middle (Leo's zone). I came across a quote from a guy named Gay Hendricks, who wrote a book called The Big Leap. In the book, he talked about Einstein Time...

“You are time, you are where time comes from... and... since you are the producer of time, you can make as much of it as you need.” (from The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks)

I promptly put the book on my to-read list (via the library) and had to wait several months (eight of them) to get my hands on a copy of the book. By the time it came, I'd forgotten why I wanted to read it but... when I got to the Einstein Time chapter, it all clicked into place.

So, here's the gist of it... in a Newtonian world, there are two ends of the time spectrum... Time Cops (always making sure everyone is on time... ahem... this would be me) and Time Slackers (never on time... that would be my friend Violet). But... relating to time from the Newtonian view - that it's in limited supply and we are at the mercy of it - is not the only way to relate to time.

Einstein gave an example about how sitting on a hot stove for an hour can seem like an eternity. While spending an hour with your beloved can go  by in a flash. Ergo... time is relative. Hendricks takes it a step further and say it's not just time, but also space. Sitting on the stove, we aren't present to the space we are in, we are trying to escape that space and therefore time will slow down. But, when we fully inhabit the space we are in and accept it for what it is, time speeds up.

If we always walk around saying things like: I don't have enough time. I don't have time for this. There isn't enough time. Where does the time go? etc etc... we are creating our own perception of time... that there is a lack of it.

Soooo... the idea is to shift from Newtonian Time to Einstein Time... first step is to stop complaining about time and the lack thereof.

Let's say I have 30 minutes before I have to leave for an appointment. My old conversation would have been, "That's not enough time to start anything" and I'd fritter away the time. My new conversation is, "That's plenty of time to start something" and I just get started. I try to occupy that space completely, not worry that I am going to be late (setting an alarm helps with that), and just work on whatever it is that I want to work on.

And... believe it or not... it actually works. The hands on the clock (or the numbers on the digital clock) don't seem to move as fast and I'm shocked at how much I can get done in 30 minutes... or 10 minutes. Just because I allow myself to be in the moment and not worry about the time.

I had sort of thought before that I was at one end of Relationship with Time spectrum (Time Cop) and my friend Violet was at the other (Time Slacker) with my buddy Leo in the middle but... turns out Leo is not even playing in the same Newtonian time spectrum at all... he just works in Einstein Time. Mind blowing.... And I'm finding that that as I release my death-hold grip on time... it flows better and I'm in a better flow with it.

If anyone wants to read Hendricks' chapter on Einstein Time, I've posted it here, as a public link in Dropbox - it will open as a pdf. For those who are more visual or auditory, here's a five minute video by a guy named Tom Adams who gives a brief synopsis of Einstein Time...

Where does the time go?

 I don't know about you, but I have this ongoing feeling like there just isn't enough time in the day to get everything done that needs to get done. This, naturally, contributes to me feeling continually stuck behind the 8-ball. Now, I know that this might be a pandemic effect as well but... I still wondered... where does the time go?

I think back to when I was in my 20s and 30s and... heck... I always seemed to have all the time in the world. Now, I wasn't a home owner... nor did I have a partner... or a cat... and it wasn't a pandemic... but surely those four things can't be completely vacuum cleaners of my time, can they?

Or is it just the old trick... time speeds up as you get older? Do the days go by twice as fast in your 50s than in your 30s? Or is it that I am just slower and less efficient than I was 20 years ago? Do I spend more time day-dreaming? Or is it something else entirely?

A few weeks ago, I blogged about resuming my interrupted 2017 book-reading challenge... I got through July not too badly but August has been a flop. Reading 50 pages a day, and taking notes, and blogging about it with some thoughtfulness, every single day... nope. That was taking almost 3 hours out of my day... because while I can usually read 50 pages easily in one hour... the note-taking doubled my reading time... and then the blogging took a good 30 minutes to 60 minutes... depending...

As my partner pointed out so adroitly... no wonder I was feeling overwhelmed... I don't devote 3 hours a day to any other activity! And that was the thing... the book challenge was becoming THE most important thing in my day and other things were falling by the wayside.

Sooo... I realized something needed to give... and the book reading/blogging has been the first to go. So... yes, that lifted some of the overwhelm but... there is still too much to do in a day... or so it seems to me.

Gleeo Time Tracker - stock image

So, I decided to dust off my time-tracker app and actually see... where does the time go? I entered all the major categories of my life and did some breaking down of different subcategories. Big categories are things like Health (rest, meals, walk/hike, read, journal, TV - I know but it needs to get tracked somewhere!), House & Garden (errands, chores, finances, maintenance, garden), Work (writing, AirBnb, etc).

Sooo... over the last 7 days... the biggest time category is... drumroll please... TV. Yep, with an average of just over 2 hours a day... and some days over 3 hours. Where does the time go? Into the black box. Sigh... I knew that we were watching a lot of TV in the evenings... we've been on a bit of a CSI marathon lately.

So, if I'm looking for somewhere to cut back... I don't have to look very far. Those TV hours could easily become reading hours... or puzzling, or playing games or writing letters or... any of a number of other things. And... as I'm writing this... I think back to my post-university life and... ahem... I went through several years where I hardly watched any TV. Huh... No wonder I had so much time!!

So that is one option... the other thing that comes to me is that time might not be the issue... the real question should be... where does my energy go? Because it's not so much a time-management issue as an energy-management issue. And... much as I might like to think otherwise... TV is NOT restful. At least not for me... it keeps my brain stimulated... can sometimes give me a headache... and if I watch it too close to bedtime, keeps me awake long into the night. Especially if it was a gory CSI episode! So, from both a time and energy perspective... TV is not a great choice. It's time to alter that habit and choose more restful option.

My small step goal for the next week is to reduce TV consumption... to one CSI episode every evening. And to choose other options for the rest of the evening. Rest is important but there are better ways for me to rest than to plop myself in front of the TV... we'll see how the rest of the month goes... wish me luck!

Deflating the Overwhelm Mountain

"Climate Change Anxiety" - it's a thing. Go figure. The problem is soooo big and we are soooo small and... people feel anxiety around that. It's natural. And it's not just with climate change. Right now... there's Covid19 anxiety!

There are many times when Life throws a LOT at us and overwhelm can show up and incapacitate us. Job issues, health issues, money issues, vehicle issues, house issues, relationship issues... the list goes on... so many areas in which things can go sideways and we find ourselves facing challenging situations.

It's understandable that we will feel overwhelmed when the lottery of life deals us a crappy hand. But I'm beginning to think that overwhelm really takes off when we look at the whole mountain instead of the next step up the mountain. On top of that, the mountain is shrouded in fog and I have no idea how far it is, what it looks like, etc.

Uncertainty = Overwhelm too!

If I think about the entirety of the challenges life has thrown at me in the last few months/years... it's completely natural for me to start freaking out. It's soooo big!!! There's sooo much!! And it all seems insurmountable. But I have to keep reminding myself that there's a work-around to this... just focus on the next step. What's the next small step I can take in climbing this mountain? Just one step.

Coincidentally, that's one of the messages in the movie, Frozen 2, which we watched a few weeks ago. While it's not as good as Frozen 1, at least not to our eyes... the sequel did have some good messages.

Frozen II - Anna buried in overwhelm

At one point in the film, Anna has collapsed under a mountain of grief. Olaf the Snowman has disintegrated, Sven is missing and Anna's sister, Elsa, is apparently dead. On top of that, the baton for now saving the world has passed to Anna. She is all alone and... it all seems impossible. But Anna is a quick study and slowly rises as she sings... "just do the next right thing... take a step... step again".

It's a good message... not just for kids... but for adults as well. I've lived through periods in my life in which everything went swimmingly and I didn't really experience overwhelm. The last few years, however have been a different story. I'm holding this time as a period of learning... that life is teaching me a very important lesson. How to keep moving forward even when things aren't going so swimmingly. Getting derailed and wailing that "it's all too much" doesn't solve anything. Running to comfort food (chocolate!!!) doesn't solve anything either. It's one step at a time... and sometimes we have a misstep (like bacon-wrapped scallops at The Keg)... but it's just a reminder to get back on track.

Whether it's a flooded basement, a messed up perimeter drain, a yard that now looks like the Somme, tax deadlines approaching, the challenges of a new eating plan, disruptive kitchen renos, upcoming guests who might end up sleeping on air beds, stuck at home with covid19 ravaging the world... all of it could, and has, generated overwhelm in me. Not to mention the regular minutiae of life like grocery shopping, errands, vehicle repairs, bills, cleaning toilets, laundry, etc.

There's no question... it HAS been a lot... and having a wailing fit didn't make any of it go away. Nor did it make me feel less overwhelmed. When I try and look ahead too far, I can feel the freak out coming, "It's TOO MUCH!" And that's a reminder to scale it back, to focus on what's in front of me and just do the next right thing. Take the next small step. That's it.

I have to admit... breaking up with my To-Do List and shifting to a calendar-based system has definitely helped. I can clearly see that there are only so many hours in the day... can see what are the most urgent upcoming events and focus my energy on tackling those. Because time and energy are the two key factors here, both in limited supply. I need to allocate them very judiciously. And... ensure that I take time each day to recharge my energy - walking, resting, reading. Much as I might like to think I am the Energizer Bunny... my rechargeable battery is getting old and needs more frequent recharging!

So... it's not just the next thing... it's the "next right thing". What is the next right thing, the next step for me, given the time and energy constraints and everything that needs to get done. Identify and Engage.

Goldilocks meets the Tortoise and the Hare

"I don't have enough time to get anything done."
"I have more than enough time to get that done... and that... and that."
"I have just the right amount of time to get it all done."

Sounds kind of like Goldilocks... except around time!

Those are the conversations that run through the heads of myself and two of my friends, Violet and Leo. The difference in those three conversations is vast in terms of what our lives look like. Let's unpack them a bit.

My Time Conversation
"I don't have enough time to get anything done."

That's me. I'll be sitting there, looking at the clock thinking, "I've got 30 minutes before I have to leave for that appointment." I'll then review my to-do list and think:

"Hmmm... 30 minutes... what can I get done in half an hour? Well, I don't really have enough time to start writing a blog post or working on that project. Hmmm... what else could I do? I could tidy my desk..."
***5 minutes later***
"... Huh... now what. I thought that would take longer. But now I only have 15 minutes (5 minutes were lost in the initial mulling over...)... that really isn't enough time to tackle anything else. Or is it? Hmmm... Do I have time to scan those tax documents? ... Nah... Hmmm..."

And somehow, during that process of mulling, while I am "thinking"... I will "inadvertently" open a news site tab or Facebook and... whoosh... I'm sucked into an infinity pool. But I'll get twitchy because I know I have to watch the clock because of the looming appointment and after 5 minutes of hectic scrolling, I will throw up my hands and head off early because... well... you never know. Traffic might be slow. So I'll get to my appointment with 12 minutes to spare and sit there scrolling through more news sites.

All this mulling leaves me completely exhausted... which is not good! I get back from my appointment and I have a solid two hour chunk and I'll sit there, pooped, and just do busy work stuff and STILL not work on anything significant. And then get stressed because I'm not getting anything done on my every lengthening to-do list...

I'm not a complete schlepp though. There are days when I can get a truck load of stuff done. If I don't have to check the clock (no appointments), I can be the little energizer bunny of productivity and just keep going and going. But as soon as there is a meeting or an appointment or something on the clock... I'm hooped.

Violet's Time Conversation
"I have more than enough time to get this done... and that... and that..."

My friend Violet is a lovely person, kind and generous with her energy and time, but she does have one annoying habit... she is chronically late... for everything. She is also not the most productive kitten in the litter. We've had many conversations about what goes on in her head when she's trying to get out the door. She knows she has to leave in 30 minutes for an appointment and she thinks:

"Oh, I'll go pick some flowers from the garden and gather together some fresh-baked cookies to bring... The flowers out here are so nice. Let's see, which ones should I pick? These are nice... and I'll take some of those."
***and maybe chat with the neighbour***
"And maybe some of these... Now, I know I have some old spaghetti jars somewhere to use as a vase. Somewhere here in the basement. Where are they? ... Ah, found one... And now... the cookies... Hmmm... where did I put that Tupperware that is perfect for bringing the cookies? ... I know it's in here somewhere. Wow... this plastics cupboard is really a mess... Oh, there's the container!! Now... where's the lid? Huh... I know it's in here somewhere... I'm just going to pull everything out cause none of these lids match any of these containers. I've been meaning to organize this cupboard for a while...
***phone rings***
... Oh, Hi Sis! ... Well, I do have to leave soon but I have time for a wee chat...
***15 minutes later***
OK, was great talking to you!! ...
***hangs up***
Shoot!! Now where was that lid!"

Followed by more rummaging, finding the lid eventually. And maybe putting the plastics back, or maybe leaving it as a project for later. And then needing time to find the car keys, purse... put on shoes and coat and finally leave the house... a good 30 minutes late.

Leo's Time Conversation
"I have just the right amount of time to get it all done."

Leo is one of the most productive people I know. He gets stuff done like nobody's business. Procrastination is not in his vocabulary, at least not that I can see. He doesn't dither. He just does. On top of that, Leo is never late... nor ridiculously early. He is right on time. Leo's relationship to time is an enigma to me. I've had a few conversations with him and this is what I've gleaned so far. Leo has 30 minutes between appointments and his conversation looks something like this:

"I've got 30 minutes, I'm going to get as much done as I can"

That's it... that's all I've been able to figure out from Leo. He just... does it. To me... looks like magic.

Relationship to Time
The question I've been pondering is... what is the difference between the three of us. Because the difference in outcome is huge.

Tortoise and Hare

Leo is kind of like Aesop's Tortoise, steadily moving things forward, one step after another. Violet is kind of like Aesop's Hare who thinks she has all the time in the world and is then easily distracted by things, which means she is always late. As for me... I sit there and look at the race and think... I don't have enough time to do this... so I go off and look for a shorter race that I know I can complete! But... sometimes... I can be like a Tortoise/Hare hybrid... a Haretoise... and speed through a race in record time and with record focus. I just wish I could be a Haretoise with some consistency!

It's clear to me that the difference lies inside of each of us. We each have 24 hours in a day. We each have 30 minutes before an appointment. We each seem to have a very different relationship to time and a very different conversation about it.

I tend to over-estimate how long something is going to take and so I won't start something because I figure I don't have enough time to complete it. And I hate incomplete things... they nag at me. I won't start writing a blog post because I feel that I need to write it in a continuous stream and that it won't turn out as well if I start, stop and then restart it. So, instead of just getting started... I won't even take the tiniest step towards beginning because well, I won't be able to complete it before I have to go... so what's the point? There are a few things going on here...

First, I am a really bad estimator of time and how long something will take. I always err on the side of caution. And even if I do know how long something takes... I automatically build in buffer time. I always round up, rather than down. I know it takes 15 minutes to drive to the airport, but I will automatically leave 30 minutes ahead of time... just to be on the safe side.

The second thing is this... I tend to view a task as a unified whole so my to-do list is full of things like "write blog post, install shelves in laundry room, update monthly finances, build new garden beds". I have a really hard time breaking things down into bite-sized chunks. As it turns out, any of those tasks is really a small project and composed of a bunch of small steps or smaller, easily winnable races!

Take this one, for example, "install shelves in laundry room". I can break that down into:

• measure the space
• check my supply of screws/nails
• buy supplies
• gather tools
• find the studs
• cut the shelf supports
• put up shelf supports
• measure shelf length (twice)
• cut shelf
• install shelf
• tidy up.

Rinse and repeat for further shelves.

So... having "install shelves in laundry room" on my to-do list is really setting me up for chronic procrastination. It's too big... and while I know it is made up of smaller, much more doable tasks... those somehow don't end up on my to-do list with any sort of consistency.

And then... there's this mind-blowing notion of... just get started... or as Nike likes to say... just do it. Because, honestly, once I get started, I can get a tonne of stuff done in 30 minutes, way more than I would ever think. It would require me to shift my conversation from one of:

"I don't have enough time"

to one of...

"I'm going to get as much done as I can..."

A soother

Whaaatttt is that? That idea just does not compute. It bounces off my brain matter and I stare at it on the screen and think... "how is that even possible - do as much as I can"? My brain skitters away from this unknown concept and scrolls through Facebook desperately searching for an emotional soother to suck on.

The Source of Time
I came across this quote whilst researching this blog and it kind of rocked my world.

“You are time, you are where time comes from... and... since you are the producer of time, you can make as much of it as you need.” (from The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks)

***sound of brain circuits frying***

Nnnnhhh... what? Time isn't out there? Time is... in me??

Hendricks apparently calls this "Living in Einstein Time" and bases the theory on Einstein's science:

"An hour with your beloved feels like a minute; a minute on a hot stove feels like an hour. Depending on what we do, space seems to narrow or to expand, time seems to slow down or accelerate..."

***Let me just add that book to my to-read list and put in a request via the public library (I am now #13 in line for two copies of the book).***

I admit that I already know some of this.

I too have noticed that time can race like the wind or drag its little butt as the clock slows down to a crawl.

The cause of time's random shifts in velocity doesn't lie with "time"... the cause lies with "me". It's really about the attitude with which I approach a day or an hour or 30 minutes. I understand the idea that I can shape my experience of time... I'll give you that... but the idea that I am the source of time... well... that needs some incubation.

Stress and Time
I'm going to end with a quote by John O’Donohue:

Stress is a perverted relationship to time,
so rather than being a subject of your own time,
you have become its target and victim."

Again... time isn't the issue... me is the issue... me and my relationship to time. Which means I am the creator, not only of time... but also of my own stress.

I get that. I have very (very) high expectations of myself. But I'm not a sprightly 20-year old anymore with no cares, concerns or responsibilities. I have a lot of balls in the air and my tendency is to see everything as Important AND Urgent... which is really a recipe for burnout.

My To-Do List is a monster with dozens of items on it every day and I vacillate between days of incredible productivity (energizer bunny) and days of stressful dithering (which task, which task... oh dear... which task... how much time... oh shit... an hour has gone by... and I've gotten nothing done!).

Sooo... in some ways... I really sabotage myself. On the one hand, I overestimate how long a specific task will take and spend my days dithering about whether I have enough time to complete a task. At the same time, I overestimate how many tasks I can get done in a day and cram my daily To-Do List full of dozens of tasks. This sounds kind of like my friend Violet - "I have more than enough time to get this done... and that... and that".

Huh... go figure. No wonder I'm a dithering wreck some days! This requires some thought... as I hadn't realized what I've been doing to myself until right now... More later!