Balancing Act: The Dance of Form and Function in Our Relationship

My partner and I have had a LOT of disagreements over the years. On every topic imaginable. And sometimes they got quite heated. We would each be perplexed by the other's position or point of view. To each of us, it was so obvious why we wanted to do something a certain way. But not to the other person. 

A year or so ago, it came to me in a flash, a different way of understanding our different worldviews. Form and Function. Now this is not a philosophical discussion into the question of Form and Essence. It's much more practical than that. My partner and I each look at the world from a very different point of view. We approach every task and project from a different perspective.

Function

This is me. I look at things from a function perspective with maybe a dash of form. I think about how this will work. How will this function.

For example... we have a steep little slope down to the north property line. There are weeds growing on this area, but since it's below our line of raspberries, it's not all that noticeable to us. When we first moved in, my partner wanted to get rid of all the weeds because they didn't look nice. I refused to rip them out because I knew that their roots were part of what was keeping the soil in place. Rip out the weeds and the torrential rains of winter would erode the soil and create all sorts of problems.

That's the practical side of me... the function side. I will happily weed whack that area, but I am not ripping out the weeds. And the only reason I would even spend time weed whacking them was to prevent them from spreading their seeds into the raspberries because then I would have more work ripping out weeds from the raspberries. That's function.

Form

Can you guess what my partner is? Yep, form. With the weeds above, it was all about how it would look. The weeds look ugly and unkempt, better to rip them out.

Another example, we have a narrow garden bed next to the fence along the side of the house. There is a stone pathway that leads to the compost bins along the side. In the past we have just planted scented geranium along this garden bed as it grows without any care or attention, keeps the weeds down and doesn't need watering. We had to remove a section of plants because of the new irrigation system, and now the bed is waiting to get replanted. My partner would like to plant some hardy primulas along the edge of the bed, because they are so cute and cheery in the spring. I really don't care what we plant there. To me, as long as the weeds are kept to a dull roar, I'm fine with whatever. I don't want weeds spreading their progeny to other areas of the garden. Although... if we plant scented geraniums in behind the primulas, I know that they will over-run the primulas within a year or two... is that function or form?

The Light Bulb Moment

These are fairly innocuous examples. But it shows up everywhere. We want to buy a new car. I'm more concerned about functional aspects like all-wheel drive or safety while my partner tends to lean towards the colour and the look of it.

After one tussle of differing visons, it came to me that I was concerned with function... and my partner was focused on form. That realization changed everything. It gave us a framework from which we could see that the other person wasn't a complete heathen. We just saw things very differently. I understood that for my partner, how something looked was important. My partner could understand that I was concerned with how something would work or function.

When my partner presented me with some airy, dreamy vision for a garden bed, a retaining wall or a trellis, I would immediately run through the practicalities of it in my head and voice my reservations/concerns/objections. My partner would experience this as a shut-down of her dreams. But now... now that we understand form and function... and that we sit at opposite ends of the spectrum, we can see and respect the other person's point of view.

Now, we can talk about a project or a task and see each other as having a valuable contribution to bring. Sometimes Function doesn't really matter... and Form can run rampant and spread joy and beauty everywhere. But sometimes Function has a good point.

Dry Sectional vs. Wet Sectional

We purchase an outdoor sectional for the Airbnb's patio area. It's a long, narrow area - about 6 feet wide and 20 feet long. Two of the sectional pieces do fit across the patio, so my partner thought that would be ideal... put two pieces across the one end, and then have the other pieces along the long side. But... Function popped up with the reminder that the hanging baskets have a spray irrigation that would spray anything within two feet of them... And so now the sectional pieces are all arranged along the long edge of the patio, with the exception of a cushion-less ottoman piece that sits in the "wet zone". The cool thing was... we could have this conversation without an argument... we could use the form and function terminology to help see the perspective of the other.

There is a well-known phrase that Form follows Function. Think of a building... which needs to be primary... the structure of the building or the beauty? Well... structure obviously. A beautiful but poorly built building won't stand up very long. But well-built buildings can also be beautiful. Otherwise we end up with Soviet-era ugly concrete blocks that drain the soul and look hideous.

Form and Function really need to walk hand-in-hand and respect what the other has to bring. That way, we can create something is functional as well as beautiful! Because it's not really either/or... it's both/and - so that the two can work together.

Other Reading

I came across a Medium post about Form & Function in relationships

An architect's take on Form vs Function with some hilarious examples from the design world