I was looking for an image to go with this blog on overwhelm and as I typed... that was one of the suggestions "Overwhelm is an inflatable monster". I thought... oooh... that's so true!! I'll grab that image! Except... there is no image. And actually, no articles that mention that phrase. Which means... I guess I have to be the one to write it.
Overwhelm... we all know what it is. We keep spinning faster on our hamster wheel of life and getting nowhere. No matter how much we do, or how much we get organized... everything just seems like too much. I know this feeling very well... even small things are just too much, never mind the big things. And it seems like there is always more and more... argh!
It kind of feels like this little clip from I Love Lucy. Those of you old enough might remember this scene... where Lucy and her friend work in a chocolate factory. Things start off nice and slow and they are able to keep up but then... life speeds up and... well... it gets out of hand very quickly...
That's how I tend to view life. I can go along quite happily. Everything is going super smooth, I have lots of energy and gusto and I am able to handle everything that comes my way. But then... it seems like life speeds up and everything starts happening faster and those chocolate balls are getting bigger and falling apart on me and... overwhelm sets in. But... that's not really how life works.
I keep thinking my overwhelm is triggered by things out there... but, really, overwhelm is an inside job. Me being in a state of overwhelm says more about what's going on inside of me... than what's going on out there. In fact, overwhelm is a choice...
On the one hand, we take on too much. No doubt about it... we are trying to keep everybody happy, including ourselves and when we are feeling good, we flip that little conveyor switch and add a few more chocolate balls to our daily life. But it's more than that...
Overwhelm comes from the inside... I came across one blog which suggested that we choose overwhelm to avoid feelings. Huh. Interesting. But it make sense. If I am not expressing my feelings... sadness, anger, fear, disgust, whatever... where are they going to go? Do they just dissipate? No... they build up... inside of me. I think I've "handled" them by shoving them down... but they're still there. And they are niggling at me... and growing bigger by the day. And as they grow bigger, I become less and less able to handle the things that life throws at me.
It's like the unexpressed emotions appear within me... and if I express them, then they come and they go. Kind of a continuous flow. But... if I stem the flow, because I don't want to appear emotional or I don't feel safe expressing them, they start to build up... inside of me... they start to inflate me... hence... overwhelm is an inflatable monster!
Picture it... oh, there's probably a cartoon that shows this too... but I can't remember it right now...
Anyhow - picture a cartoon... me getting slowly inflated (like Harry Potter's uncle-in-law's sister!)... and slowly floating into the air, disconnected from everything that grounds me. Bobbing along, getting bigger and bigger, squeaking... "I can't handle this anymore!"... And I get mad at life, or whoever is in my line of fire and am reactionary and upset. Until finally, there is some emotional release (take your pick) and I deflate like a balloon scooting all over the place. And... I'm back to being myself... able to handle what comes down life's conveyor belt.
Which makes me wonder... could I just skip the inflatable overwhelm bit... by just expressing my emotions when they show up? Rather than thinking I am "handling" them by burying them or avoiding them...
Just some thoughts...
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