Goldilocks meets the Tortoise and the Hare

"I don't have enough time to get anything done."
"I have more than enough time to get that done... and that... and that."
"I have just the right amount of time to get it all done."

Sounds kind of like Goldilocks... except around time!

Those are the conversations that run through the heads of myself and two of my friends, Violet and Leo. The difference in those three conversations is vast in terms of what our lives look like. Let's unpack them a bit.

My Time Conversation
"I don't have enough time to get anything done."

That's me. I'll be sitting there, looking at the clock thinking, "I've got 30 minutes before I have to leave for that appointment." I'll then review my to-do list and think:

"Hmmm... 30 minutes... what can I get done in half an hour? Well, I don't really have enough time to start writing a blog post or working on that project. Hmmm... what else could I do? I could tidy my desk..."
***5 minutes later***
"... Huh... now what. I thought that would take longer. But now I only have 15 minutes (5 minutes were lost in the initial mulling over...)... that really isn't enough time to tackle anything else. Or is it? Hmmm... Do I have time to scan those tax documents? ... Nah... Hmmm..."

And somehow, during that process of mulling, while I am "thinking"... I will "inadvertently" open a news site tab or Facebook and... whoosh... I'm sucked into an infinity pool. But I'll get twitchy because I know I have to watch the clock because of the looming appointment and after 5 minutes of hectic scrolling, I will throw up my hands and head off early because... well... you never know. Traffic might be slow. So I'll get to my appointment with 12 minutes to spare and sit there scrolling through more news sites.

All this mulling leaves me completely exhausted... which is not good! I get back from my appointment and I have a solid two hour chunk and I'll sit there, pooped, and just do busy work stuff and STILL not work on anything significant. And then get stressed because I'm not getting anything done on my every lengthening to-do list...

I'm not a complete schlepp though. There are days when I can get a truck load of stuff done. If I don't have to check the clock (no appointments), I can be the little energizer bunny of productivity and just keep going and going. But as soon as there is a meeting or an appointment or something on the clock... I'm hooped.

Violet's Time Conversation
"I have more than enough time to get this done... and that... and that..."

My friend Violet is a lovely person, kind and generous with her energy and time, but she does have one annoying habit... she is chronically late... for everything. She is also not the most productive kitten in the litter. We've had many conversations about what goes on in her head when she's trying to get out the door. She knows she has to leave in 30 minutes for an appointment and she thinks:

"Oh, I'll go pick some flowers from the garden and gather together some fresh-baked cookies to bring... The flowers out here are so nice. Let's see, which ones should I pick? These are nice... and I'll take some of those."
***and maybe chat with the neighbour***
"And maybe some of these... Now, I know I have some old spaghetti jars somewhere to use as a vase. Somewhere here in the basement. Where are they? ... Ah, found one... And now... the cookies... Hmmm... where did I put that Tupperware that is perfect for bringing the cookies? ... I know it's in here somewhere. Wow... this plastics cupboard is really a mess... Oh, there's the container!! Now... where's the lid? Huh... I know it's in here somewhere... I'm just going to pull everything out cause none of these lids match any of these containers. I've been meaning to organize this cupboard for a while...
***phone rings***
... Oh, Hi Sis! ... Well, I do have to leave soon but I have time for a wee chat...
***15 minutes later***
OK, was great talking to you!! ...
***hangs up***
Shoot!! Now where was that lid!"

Followed by more rummaging, finding the lid eventually. And maybe putting the plastics back, or maybe leaving it as a project for later. And then needing time to find the car keys, purse... put on shoes and coat and finally leave the house... a good 30 minutes late.

Leo's Time Conversation
"I have just the right amount of time to get it all done."

Leo is one of the most productive people I know. He gets stuff done like nobody's business. Procrastination is not in his vocabulary, at least not that I can see. He doesn't dither. He just does. On top of that, Leo is never late... nor ridiculously early. He is right on time. Leo's relationship to time is an enigma to me. I've had a few conversations with him and this is what I've gleaned so far. Leo has 30 minutes between appointments and his conversation looks something like this:

"I've got 30 minutes, I'm going to get as much done as I can"

That's it... that's all I've been able to figure out from Leo. He just... does it. To me... looks like magic.

Relationship to Time
The question I've been pondering is... what is the difference between the three of us. Because the difference in outcome is huge.

Tortoise and Hare

Leo is kind of like Aesop's Tortoise, steadily moving things forward, one step after another. Violet is kind of like Aesop's Hare who thinks she has all the time in the world and is then easily distracted by things, which means she is always late. As for me... I sit there and look at the race and think... I don't have enough time to do this... so I go off and look for a shorter race that I know I can complete! But... sometimes... I can be like a Tortoise/Hare hybrid... a Haretoise... and speed through a race in record time and with record focus. I just wish I could be a Haretoise with some consistency!

It's clear to me that the difference lies inside of each of us. We each have 24 hours in a day. We each have 30 minutes before an appointment. We each seem to have a very different relationship to time and a very different conversation about it.

I tend to over-estimate how long something is going to take and so I won't start something because I figure I don't have enough time to complete it. And I hate incomplete things... they nag at me. I won't start writing a blog post because I feel that I need to write it in a continuous stream and that it won't turn out as well if I start, stop and then restart it. So, instead of just getting started... I won't even take the tiniest step towards beginning because well, I won't be able to complete it before I have to go... so what's the point? There are a few things going on here...

First, I am a really bad estimator of time and how long something will take. I always err on the side of caution. And even if I do know how long something takes... I automatically build in buffer time. I always round up, rather than down. I know it takes 15 minutes to drive to the airport, but I will automatically leave 30 minutes ahead of time... just to be on the safe side.

The second thing is this... I tend to view a task as a unified whole so my to-do list is full of things like "write blog post, install shelves in laundry room, update monthly finances, build new garden beds". I have a really hard time breaking things down into bite-sized chunks. As it turns out, any of those tasks is really a small project and composed of a bunch of small steps or smaller, easily winnable races!

Take this one, for example, "install shelves in laundry room". I can break that down into:

• measure the space
• check my supply of screws/nails
• buy supplies
• gather tools
• find the studs
• cut the shelf supports
• put up shelf supports
• measure shelf length (twice)
• cut shelf
• install shelf
• tidy up.

Rinse and repeat for further shelves.

So... having "install shelves in laundry room" on my to-do list is really setting me up for chronic procrastination. It's too big... and while I know it is made up of smaller, much more doable tasks... those somehow don't end up on my to-do list with any sort of consistency.

And then... there's this mind-blowing notion of... just get started... or as Nike likes to say... just do it. Because, honestly, once I get started, I can get a tonne of stuff done in 30 minutes, way more than I would ever think. It would require me to shift my conversation from one of:

"I don't have enough time"

to one of...

"I'm going to get as much done as I can..."

A soother

Whaaatttt is that? That idea just does not compute. It bounces off my brain matter and I stare at it on the screen and think... "how is that even possible - do as much as I can"? My brain skitters away from this unknown concept and scrolls through Facebook desperately searching for an emotional soother to suck on.

The Source of Time
I came across this quote whilst researching this blog and it kind of rocked my world.

“You are time, you are where time comes from... and... since you are the producer of time, you can make as much of it as you need.” (from The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks)

***sound of brain circuits frying***

Nnnnhhh... what? Time isn't out there? Time is... in me??

Hendricks apparently calls this "Living in Einstein Time" and bases the theory on Einstein's science:

"An hour with your beloved feels like a minute; a minute on a hot stove feels like an hour. Depending on what we do, space seems to narrow or to expand, time seems to slow down or accelerate..."

***Let me just add that book to my to-read list and put in a request via the public library (I am now #13 in line for two copies of the book).***

I admit that I already know some of this.

I too have noticed that time can race like the wind or drag its little butt as the clock slows down to a crawl.

The cause of time's random shifts in velocity doesn't lie with "time"... the cause lies with "me". It's really about the attitude with which I approach a day or an hour or 30 minutes. I understand the idea that I can shape my experience of time... I'll give you that... but the idea that I am the source of time... well... that needs some incubation.

Stress and Time
I'm going to end with a quote by John O’Donohue:

Stress is a perverted relationship to time,
so rather than being a subject of your own time,
you have become its target and victim."

Again... time isn't the issue... me is the issue... me and my relationship to time. Which means I am the creator, not only of time... but also of my own stress.

I get that. I have very (very) high expectations of myself. But I'm not a sprightly 20-year old anymore with no cares, concerns or responsibilities. I have a lot of balls in the air and my tendency is to see everything as Important AND Urgent... which is really a recipe for burnout.

My To-Do List is a monster with dozens of items on it every day and I vacillate between days of incredible productivity (energizer bunny) and days of stressful dithering (which task, which task... oh dear... which task... how much time... oh shit... an hour has gone by... and I've gotten nothing done!).

Sooo... in some ways... I really sabotage myself. On the one hand, I overestimate how long a specific task will take and spend my days dithering about whether I have enough time to complete a task. At the same time, I overestimate how many tasks I can get done in a day and cram my daily To-Do List full of dozens of tasks. This sounds kind of like my friend Violet - "I have more than enough time to get this done... and that... and that".

Huh... go figure. No wonder I'm a dithering wreck some days! This requires some thought... as I hadn't realized what I've been doing to myself until right now... More later!