Noticing the Sugar Hooks

I've been at this point soooooo many times in the last few years. I'll quit sugar and do well for a few weeks, maybe even a few months. And then... oh so slowly... it will sneak back into my life. A beer here (alcohol converts to sugar), a chocolate brownie there (pure sugar), a little treat everywhere. And then... just like that, I'm back on the sugar train... craving snacks and treats and indulging in junk food binges.

I am so tired of this roller coaster. And I KNOW that sugar is bad for Hashimoto's. The whole sugar/insulin thing... it attacks the thyroid gland. Sugar tanks my mood. It makes my joints ache. I can't think straight. I'm overwhelmed. All linked to Hashimoto's and sugar. It's just, as another Hashimoto sufferer said, one big clusterf*ck!

We're heading into Christmas Season... or should we say Chocolate Season. The holidays are a time to indulge in so many yummy things... chocolate, sweets, delectable feasts. But they all have a cost.

I bought a bunch of chocolates in late November, for Christmas. But now... I'm thinking about the box of Toffifee and the Lindt chocolate balls and... I feel a tad ill. I can't keep doing this. I need to take charge of my health. I am the only one who can do it. I know the consequences too.

And... I've been here so many times. In 2009 I quit Coke (sugar!!). And then started drinking hot chocolates at Starbucks. In 2019 I quit hot chocolates (sugar!!). And promptly started indulging in double chocolate fudge brownies at Starbucks. A few years ago, I ditched the brownies and started eating 85% dark chocolate squares (but too many). It is now 2025. Do I really want to wait till 2029? Probably not.

I see the pattern too... I get myself organized, I find my rhythm and balance and I'm going through life, so proud of myself and then... something happens. Stress at work. A death in the family. A pandemic. And I crave the comfort, the energy, the je ne sais pas that sugar brings. And it’s harder to bounce back than it used to be.

I've done it before. I've gone several weeks without chocolate or sugar and... then... as noted earlier... I crack the door a tiny bit to let in a birthday cupcake or a celebratory hot chocolate and... very quickly... the floodgates open.

I don't want to accept the fact that I need to go cold turkey. For life. Or at least to the point where I don't crave the stuff. And could I have a piece of birthday cake in the future? I really don't know. Maybe I should be joining an SA group (Sugarholics Anonymous). (OMG... there actually is such a group! I thought I made that up.)

I thought that I could be one of those people who can eat chocolate and sugar in moderation. Perhaps not. Genetically... some people can have one piece of chocolate and leave the rest for another day. Genetically, some people can't.

And I know that part of it is environmental as well. That is why I don't keep chocolate in the house. Going down to the store to buy it is an entropy hurdle that works for me. But if it comes in the house... I am hooped.

For now, noticing that feels like enough.