Monday, 26 February 2024

Beyond the Clock: My Evolution from 4-Hour Dependency

When I first started this blog, I knew that I wanted it to focus on small steps - for healthy living, for the environment, for anything really. And several years into this, I am reminded daily that no great thing gets done without these small steps. Everything is made up of small steps.

The thing is... we don't see some of those small steps. We see a singer blaze into stardom and forget that this singer spent hours, days, months, years, practicing their craft, one small step at a time. We see new buildings pop up in our neighbourhood. We don't see the myriad small steps that go into constructing the building. We hear of a friend of a friend retiring at age 40 with millions in the bank. We are jealous and wonder what they did to hit the jackpot? Win the lottery? Sell a start-up? We don't believe it can be done one frugal penny-pinching step at a time.

And we know this... deep down, we know this... but still... we think that we there might be a shortcut to fame or fortune.

How Much Time is "Enough" Time?

A friend of my is producing two books a year (more or less). These are not fiction books, but heavily researched non-fiction espionage books. I don't know how he does it! He must have oodles and oodles of time! Like, open vistas of whole days that are just devoted to writing. Right? Maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps he just has a different view of time.

I still think that I need several blissfully empty hours in front of me before I can work on the next book, or start a new project. I don't believe that I can write a book one small step at a time. I think 30 minutes is too short. I think the smallest step I need is 2 hours. Maybe more. Like 4 hours!

Perhaps that is the key. I have an image in my mind of the size/length/duration of the "smallest step". For writing... realistically... I think I need 2 hours... and ideally 4 hours. I mean, I "need" that time to get back into it... to pick up where I left off... to gather my research notes and recall where I was in the project. And maybe I do need an hour to do that... but if I were to work on the project every day... I wouldn't need so much time to "get back in the groove".

When it comes to yard maintenance... it's the same... I think I need a good hour to get anything useful done. I mean, there is soooo much to do out there... I believe that I need at least an hour to make a meaningful dent in things. Or do I? My partner and I went out there this past spring, on a sunny afternoon, and decided to spend 15 minutes decluttering the shed. We made a sizable dent in the chaos in the shed. Just 15 minutes.

Same with house cleaning... my default seems to be an hour. Even though I know, from experience, that I can get a tonne of cleaning done in 15 minutes. My brain seems to have a default setting of one hour.

So if there is less than an hour of time in my day... I fill it with smaller, less important tasks that I know I can complete, rather than working on a larger project which I know will not be complete... even though it is moved further along to completion.

I know that completing a task gives a dopamine hit... so maybe I'm just a dopamine addict... wanting the hit after completing a task. If I know that a task can't be completed in 15 minutes or an hour... there is no dopamine carrot dangling ahead of me. And so I default to easier, simpler, shorter tasks.

The question then becomes... can I alter that 1 hour default? I did use the Pomodoro technique successfully a few times for projects that were seriously stuck. Work for just 25 minutes and then take a 5 minute break. It seems awfully rigid though. Or could I create an artificial dopamine carrot for working on something for 15-30 minutes?  And what would that look like?

Peak Alertness

Or... perhaps my sense that an hour is required in order for me to do productive project work isn't actually that far off. Studies have shown that our ultradian rhythm (cycles repeated multiple times in a 24 hour period) might have a role to play. Based on studies of our natural energy and alertness cycle... we can maintain peak alertness for 90 to 120 minutes before we need a break. On top of that... studies have also shown that it takes about 23 minutes to get into a deep work zone.

Sooo... if I really want to do some deep work... then the Pomodoro technique isn't going to work. I legitimately need about 30 minutes to get into a work zone. And I can maintain that for up to 2 hours. So the sweet spot for working on a complex project (like writing a blog or working on another book) is going to be somewhere in the 60-120 minute zone.

This actually makes me feel a bit better. I'm not mucked up! My sense that I can't get anything useful done on a blog or a book in less than an hour is probably not that far off. I need to be able to work on it for at least 30 minutes to get into a flow zone... but can only maintain that for another hour or so.

30 Minutes is Enough?

But here's where I can marry these two bits of information. All I really need is a 30 minute chunk of time. That's a small enough segment that it doesn't feel impossible or overwhelming. I also know that once I've been working on something for 30 minutes... odds are I will continue for a bit longer. And yes, ideally I would have a one hour chunk to devote to my writing.

On the other hand... for other things... like decluttering the garden shed, or updating our finances... I can drop that down to 15 minutes. I can get a lot of decluttering done in 15 minutes.

Now... the trick is... to actually follow through on this. An hour seems like a fairly large step to me... although 30 minutes is a bit more doable... cuts that hour in half. But even those 30 minutes are broken up into countless small steps... the first one being... to just start! Getting started seems to be 80% of the battle. If I can just get started, I know that everything else falls into place.

Next Small Step

So much of my to-do list is made up of things like "write blog about ____". That isn't, actually, a small step. That's like saying "land a man on the moon". Well... let's just give up right now because that is a huge mountain of a task! It's no wonder I get stuck and just skip over that item in my to-do list... it's much more doable to "screw fire extinguisher to the wall"... a very concrete, small step task. And it gives me a quick dopamine hit. Whereas "write blog" is so amorphous and nebulous that my dopamine addict looks at it and goes... "nope... too hard... I need a quick fix". And so I spend my time completing small tasks rather than focusing my precious time on larger, complex tasks.

Sigh... I'm back to looking at my productivity system! Surely there is something out there... something better than what I am doing. Something that will actually help me focus and get things done?

Productivity Systems

What about the Getting Things Done (GTD) system... where you identify the next actionable step? "Write blog" is not an actionable step. Even "research blog" is not an actionable step. Maybe "open blogger web app"... "open current blog post"... "review material written to-date"... "identify next steps"... Those are small steps. But do I really want to spend time adding them to my to-do list? Not really. I think I should be able to identify these when I see "write blog post"... but clearly that is NOT working!

There's also time-blocking... where you look at the week ahead and map things out ahead of time. What appointments do I have? What are the self-care things that need to go in there - walk, eating, etc. What work time do I need to factor into the schedule. Then... look at the remaining time and figure out... what can I do in that block of time... write a blog? answer emails and make phone calls? research Airbnb tips and tricks? The idea with time-blocking is that you group things together. So I am not answering emails and making phone calls throughout the day, when I should really be working on a blog or something else. I have tried it in the past and found it far too rigid... but perhaps I wasn't using it correctly because it is supposed to flex and flow with the unexpected.

I've also come across another idea... about working on one thing... without distraction. So the question to ask is... "Did I do what I said I'm going to do for as long as I said I would, without distraction?". Even if I didn't finish it... I can still get a dopamine hit because I did what I said I would do... without getting distracted. That's a win!

I'm going to have to let all of these percolate for a while... and see what I can come up with that might actually work for me

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

Monday, 19 February 2024

Procrastination Nation: A Deep Dive into the Diverse Species of Delay

 Regular readers of this blog will know that I struggle with Procrastination. I know that I'm not the only one, but sometimes it does feel like a lonely struggle. I see so many people around me who seem to function at a higher level. Maybe I'm just not seeing their procrastination? After all... it can be easy to hide... to camouflage... for a while.

A few weeks back, I came across this cute graphic - A Field Guide to Procrastinators - 20px - Twenty Pixels. Every single one of them resonated with me!

Let's walk through them one at a time...


The Cleaner

Well... of course. Let me declutter my cupboard... or clean my desk, or organize my books or... vacuum the house. Any of these things is very productive... and helps me feel that I have done something useful. Plus... cleaning my space does actually help me to feel in control. But... ultimately... it isn't all that productive if it drags on for hours and days.

From 20 Pixels

The Panicker

I don't go here very often, but I do know this one! Leave it all to the last minute and then have a freak-out fit. I do have to say that I don't stay here all that long. There's a part of me that gets fed up with The Panicker and just says "Start Already!".
From 20 Pixels

The List Maker

Yes, yes... I know... this is me to a tee!! When in doubt, make a list! When faced with an overwhelming pile of stuff, make a list! Even better... make a spreadsheet!!! Or... ooooohhhh... find a new, shinier, better productivity app and transfer ALL of my to-do items into this new app and get them nicely organized and colour-coded and... hours go by. And at the end of it, I have done nary a thing on my list but... man... do I ever feel productive!!

From 20 Pixels

The Napper

Mmmm... not really my go-to. I tend to only nap if I'm really tired. But yes, that is what I do look like when I am napping... mouth open and drooling. Although the pet is a cat and not a dog...  But napping as a form of procrastination... not really.
From 20 Pixels

The Sidetracker

Oh boy... yep, this is me. Rather than working on the most urgent thing... I will work on the thing that is not as urgent... but is more fun. Or I'll work on an entirely new thing! And I can work like a fiend on the new thing and feel soooo productive but... then flip over to The Panicker when I realize how close the deadline is for the urgent thing... 
From 20 Pixels

The Social Sharer

OK... this is NOT me. I am not big on Social Media so I'm not going to be posting pics of myself not working. Although... I might write a blog about me not writing and procrastinating! Is that the same thing? Nah... not really? Oh... it is?! Sigh...
From 20 Pixels

The Internet Researcher

OK... yes... I do get sucked into cat videos every once in a while. But on the whole... my internet research is very on-point! I can happily dig around for hours, researching my latest blog topic... or a week or a month of blog topics. Anything to keep me from actually sitting down and writing. Yep... I just need more info, more data, more certainty... before I can commit to having an opinion or moving forward on a project. Research makes me feel sooooo productive!
From 20 Pixels

The Snacker

Noooo... I don't think this is me... is it? No not really. I'm not someone to go and stand in front of the fridge and look for something to nibble on. Not my mojo.
From 20 Pixels

The Gamer

Also not much of a gamer! Although I can see the draw of this one. Soooo much to do in the virtual world. If I was into Farmville (or whatever)... I'm sure I could do this... Actually... now that I think about it... I used to play Age of Empires incessantly as a way to stave off work... even Minesweeper! I was paralyzed by uncertainty and I would use computer games as a form of procrastination. I do seem to have kicked that habit though. Don't play computer games. Have no interest in computer games. But... give me a new productivity app!!! Oooooohhhh... 
From 20 Pixels

The Watcher

Mmmm... yes... I could see this happening. Although we tend not to watch a lot of TV anymore.  But yes, I have done this in the past. The next show comes on and I'm so deep into needing to know what happens that... it's easy to just binge! And the work gets left undone... just one more episode....
From 20 Pixels

The Delegator

Hmmm... nope, this isn't really me either. No kids to pass things off to. No underlings to burden. If things aren't getting done... the buck stops with me. Although... I could delegate to Future Me but... we all know how that works out!
From 20 Pixels

The Perpetuator

Oh yes!!! There's me!!! It's getting too late now... I will just start tomorrow.... Or, even better... I need at least 4 hours of solid time in order to work on this project and I only have 1 hour or 2 hours and... you know... that's really not enough time to do anything meaningful... so I'll push it off to next week!! Yes, because next week is wide open and I'll have tonnes of time to work on it then! Sigh.
From 20 Pixels

Which Ones are You?

Just to recap... these are my Top 5 Go-To Procrastination Habits... ranked in order...
  1. The List Maker - let's make a fresh, new list!
  2. The Perpetuator - tomorrow I'll have time... maybe next week
  3. The Internet Researcher - I need more info...
  4. The Sidetracker - oooohhhh... new idea...
  5. The Cleaner - must do laundry... must declutter... first...
I don't really do these ones... or only rarely...
  • The Panicker - OMG! It's due tomorrow!
  • The Watcher - just one more episode
  • The Delegator - you do this, you do this... I'll rest
  • The Napper - just a quick nap
  • The Social Share - here's a pic of me not working
  • The Gamer - just one more level-up
  • The Snacker - I need something to nibble on...
Soooo... which are your go-tos? And how do you dodge them?

Monday, 12 February 2024

Sweeping vs. Shoveling: The Wisdom of Regular Maintenance

I keep coming back to this lesson in life. In a nutshell, I snow-plough small (and sometimes large) tasks ahead of me until I am faced with a mountain of tasks. All frozen together into this massive ice-mountain.

I stare at it and am so totally immobilized, because at that point, it's hard to even see the individual tasks. It's just this amorphous blob of "stuff to do".

I can't be the only person who does this. And it annoys the heck out of me.

Case in point... I keep our joint finances updated once a week using GnuCash, an Open Source accounting program. It works beautifully.

It takes about 15 minutes a week (give or take) and then a longer spell at the end of the month when I transfer totals into a spreadsheet and produce our monthly financial report.

I know that if I don't do the weekly updates... and push them too far into the future... it's going to get messy, very fast. If I'm trying to catch up on 4 weeks of finances... ugh... it's a massive snow blob! And it takes me hours as I stare at receipts trying to figure out what those cryptic product descriptions are. "What the heck did I buy at Home Depot that day?" In a normal household, this wouldn't be a big deal but since we run a business... I need to know what I bought to see if it's a business expense!

And then there are my personal finances. I might enter my credit card purchases and keep the bank account info up to date every couple of weeks... but... I don't transfer all of that info into my personal financial spreadsheet. Ugh. It's probably all of 2022 that needs to be processed. It's tedious. It's a huge pile of snow-ploughed small tasks. And... I just keep turning away from it... until it's March and tax time is looming.

The thing is... it's easy to hop over the little tasks in life... all of those individual tasks are so small that I can say... "I'll do that later... next week, next month". But I never do. And then I'm facing tax time and... I need to know what I spent last year on various things like website hosting, book purchases, research costs, etc... all of which are tax deductions. Sooo... this is where the pedal hits the metal. I knew this time was coming and I pushed all of those tasks off... and now they have come home to roost.

Our joint finances are usually in great shape for pulling out info for our tax accountant. Yay me!

Personal finances... not such great shape. I've done this repeatedly. Every time, I get annoyed with "Past Me" who didn't do the small steps that would make "Future Me" happy. Nope. And it seems like I forget this lesson. Once tax time is done... I slack off again. It's November and... guess what... my personal finances haven't been updated since... March...

So here's my thought... when I do those monthly financial reports for our joint accounts... I will take 30 min and do my personal financial report as well - transfer all of that monthly info into my spreadsheet. I'm already on a roll from the joint report... so it won't take as much effort... will it?

It's true that regular maintenance takes less time than trying to catch upon several weeks worth of stuff. It takes less work to clean the stove after every meal than to let stuff accumulate there and then you're scrubbing and grumbling and... you get the picture. Same with shoveling the driveway - it takes way less effort to shovel a few inches of snow every couple of hours than to wait until there's a foot of snow on the driveway. Ugh.

Regular maintenance does take some commitment. I'm not sure why this particular task of personal finances is so hard for me. Perhaps it seems less important than the joint finances? Perhaps I don't want to know how much I've spent at Starbucks every month? I'm a little gloomy that it's November and nothing has changed. Although... if I caught up now, that would be better than trying to catch up in March! Right? Right!

Small regular steps... that's the key... you'd think I would have learned and absorbed this by now!

Monday, 5 February 2024

Tender Vigil: A Journey into Being Present for Life's Profound Transition

Image by Parentingupstream from Pixabay
These may seem completely weird, but at the age of 50-something... I recently had my first experience of sitting by the bedside of someone who was dying.

All of our relatives are in the Old Country. I've had relatives pass away - grandparents, aunts, uncles, second cousins. But they were always at a distance.

We would receive a telegram (back in the day) or a phone call or a Whatsapp or an email. We never went back for the funeral - too far, too expensive, too long. 

It has always seemed a bit unreal to me. I could almost semi-convince myself that they were still there, still as I remember them.

I've also never attended the funeral of someone near and dear. Heck, I think I've only ever attended one funeral - for the grandmother of a friend of mine. That's it. When my Dad passed, we just held a tiny gathering of close friends and family at home. No funeral. No public grief.

I have been present to hold the paws of two cats as they passed. Cuddling and holding them as the vet slid the needle in and watching the life fade from their eyes. Sobbing with grief. There's a reason why our vet office has a separate exit door for the "euthanasia room". You don't have to walk through the lobby in your grief.

"It's 'just' a cat!" - I will sob later at home, taken aback at the amount of grief that has washed over me. But my partner tells me that these moments tap into the deeper well of grief that resides within each of us. All of those aunts, uncles, grandparents that passed away at a distance... with no funeral to attend... there is unexpressed grief there. And the passing of a cat can tap that. So, no, not "just" a cat. So much more than that.

When my Dad passed away, 5 years ago, almost to the day (February 3), I was out of town on a business trip. The nurse had phoned our home the evening before and suggested that it might be a good time to come visit. My partner, unable to drive the 30 minutes to the care home in another community (due to an injury) talked to my Dad on the phone and let him know that we loved him, that I would be home the next day and we would see him soon.

The next morning, at 7:00 am, my partner got the phone call that he had passed half an hour earlier. She phoned me and I sobbed. I was stuck in a fogged-in community (no float planes could fly), and needed to wait for a series of ferry sailings to align before I could make it home. We drove to the care home and touched his cold forehead. He was gone.

Although everyone told me not to blame myself for not being there. I did. And I blamed the work trip. I wasn't there when he needed me most. He died alone.

Back in early October, I learned that an elderly friend, Craig, was in the hospital. He had been in and out of the hospital for a couple of weeks but never stayed overnight - UTIs, MRIs - his kidneys were not in good shape. It was another friend of Craig's who messaged us on Facebook and said that Craig had been actually admitted to the hospital on Sunday. Some of Craig's were visiting him on Monday and Tuesday and so I decided to visit on Wednesday.

On Tuesday evening at 7:13 pm, the friend message to say the nurse had just phoned him. Craig didn't have long. I should come if I could. I broke down in tears, dropped everything, grabbed a jacket and shoes and drove to the hospital.

I was the first one there. Craig had chosen to stop all treatment on Sunday and was no longer responsive. He had been OK that morning, but had developed congestion in the lungs as the day wore on. As I entered the room, Craig took a series of five shuddering breaths. And then nothing. Was he dead?!! No. Twenty seconds passed and he took another series of five shuddering breaths.

I drew up a chair and sat next to him holding his hand. After 20 minutes, two more friends of Craig showed up, including the one who had messaged me. They too were a bit taken aback by the long interval between breaths. At that point, it was 30 seconds. And the gap got longer and longer.

We told stories about our friend and laughed. We told him it was OK to let go. That we were there. We thanked him for his friendship. We cried. We held his hands. It was clear the breathing was becoming harder. The gap was now a minute. And suddenly, we realized, while laughing over some story that... there wasn't another series of breaths. Two minutes passed. He was gone. Less than an hour after I had received the message.

As I drove home, I cried. Even as I had driven to the hospital I had been dragged back to my Dad's death. This is what it would have been like. And I thanked Craig... for going in the way that he did. That I could be there. That I could drop everything, heed the call of the nurse and go. 

Craig's death completed something for me around my father's death. I couldn't be there for my Dad's passing. But Craig did not die alone. His partner had died years ago. He was estranged from his one brother who lived elsewhere. Most of his friends were on an island and couldn't make it in time. But we were there and that made all the difference.

It still strikes me as slightly unreal that Craig is gone. But then I remember holding his hand, listening to his shuddering breaths and the final silence that stretched on and on. Nope. He is definitely gone.

And I've learned this too. When the nurses phone. Drop everything and go. The nurses always know. Heed their call. Drop everything. Just go.